I need a life

“I'm falling apart here, this thread is about exactly how it sounds, maybe a cry for pity, or general advice about life, but I'm falling apart, if you're here to criticize, please go somewhere else, I'm opening myself up.

I need somthing to fill that empty space inside of me. I dont' have a very good friend base in the area. As most of you know, I just lost my dog - he's fine, just living with my parents at the moment. But he was my best friend, a companion I did everything with, whether it was a hike throuh the woods, skiing on the lake, or working on our frisbee tricks, I always had something to do until I was tired and could relax on the couch.

Now, I can still go for a hike, or go skiing but I find myself not able to go as far without the companionship of my dog. Which brings me to where I am, falling apart. I work 20-30 hrs a week, mostly nights and weekends, so, I have tons of free time. I'm tired of the bar scene, that's not getting me anywhere, there's this void inside me. I need to get out, I just don't know how. I need to get involved in the community, find somewhere I can pick up some friends, maybe a woman, anything to fill the void inside of me. It's the same type of emptiness that I find in myself when I go on a solo trip, it tears me apart.

Boy, I sound like a lonely sad pathetic person, most of the time I feel great about myself, I love my job, I love where I live, I'm not sure where my life is going, but that hasn't mattered to me much, just the last few days, since my dog has been gone it's been going down hill. I guess I just need advice on how to get out there, meet some people, find a new hobby or something, anything outside of the bar scene.”

“Simer, is there any backpacking/canoeing clubs where your at. You can meet some new people through that.”

“Simer, where are you? Are you now close to the Twin Cities?

Here's a club:
http://www.mnrovers.org/

Try hanging out at REI and doing things they offer.

Also, there's a Kekekabic Club that I think orginates in the Twin Cities:
http://www.kek.org/

Where are ya at?”

“Yeah, i'm just west of the cities.”

“Churches are always advertising for people like you.”

“Hang in there simer! You are a fine person and this will pass.”

“here you go Simer, women in your area looking

http://www.fitness-singles.com/unregistered-results.asp?sex=Male&sex_seeking=Female&postal_code=55410&search_submit=Go”

“Yep, churches want folks just like you. It sounds like you're looking for soemthing to believe in.

Other suggestions if you're not so-inclinded:

Other hobbies maybe like judo
I can't recall if you finished school, if not, finish.
Take a photography course at the local JC
Get involved in a civic club. Kiwanis, Habitat for Humanity, Lions, etc. You'll get back more than you give. The other thing you get from these type of groups are team building and leadership skills.”

“OOps, Big Brother/Big Sister is also a wonderful group.”

“Sounds like you like animals... I know a lot of places like SPCA, animal Rescue shelters, etc., are always looking for volunteers. Alsoa good way to meet people with similar interests to yours.”

“You don't need church, just God.

Start here.

email if you have questions.

(ps - I'm not on commission.)


last edited: 1/26/06 4:38:03 PM”

“Thank you - has anybody had any experience with mnrovers? Looks like an interesting club maybe.”

“As the others have said, volunteering is great. Helping others helps you even more. Don't look to someone else to fill the void inside yourself, they never will be able to. You need to come to another person whole and able to give of yourself.”

“Taking cooking classes, or those "Designed Dinners" type things where you go and put together meals to freeze. Lots o women there. Wine tasting. Tutoring school kids. Dog parks (who said you had to have a dog to go to a dog park?) Book clubs like BookCrossing. Met lots of cool people there.”

“You already have a life, you just need to live it. Home alone is not the place to do it. Get out there in the world even if it is by yourself---it's okay. It isn't necessarily going to be another person or pet that makes you happy, that's why you need to be happy with your self first. It might feel like you need someone or something to fill the emptiness, but you don't.

All the ideas posted by the folks above are great ones!”

“Good point Nonconformist.”

“All that time? Find someone to help.”

“Howabout voleentering?”

“You can have mine”

“anything outside of the bar scene.”
simer190
4:59:46 PM
1/26/06

Why you making this so tough for me? ;)

How about working in a bar/restaurant? Worked wonders for me.”

“write the great american novel.”

“btw - Dani was a customer of mine. My father was a bartendar when he met my Mother. Maybe it's genetic?”

“simer, the Kekekabic Club is a really neat bunch of guys. I did a hike with them. They have all kinds of outings and do some trail maintenance things too. Check them out!”

“I hear the Benson branch of the brokeback mountain club is holding a hot dog social saturday night.”

“Simer, try figuring out what you want to do with your life, at least the next few months or years of it.”

“More ideas:

Get a part time job.

Join a book discussion club.

Near a University? See what's on offer for evening lecture series-even for non-credit.

Join a cycle club in the spring. Maybe the clubs doing cross country skiing now?”

“I think i missed something.

why is your dog not at home with you?

forget god and clubs get your dog back.
if not then i agree about volunteering at a local shelter. forget ASPCA they have to many volunteers. go to a unknown shelter!”

“it sounds like the famous Minnisota winter has claimed another victum, for God sakes man get out of Minnisota...take some time off work, go hang out in the keys or some other tropical place”

“As the others have said, volunteering is great. Helping others helps you even more. Don't look to someone else to fill the void inside yourself, they never will be able to. You need to come to another person whole and able to give of yourself.”
Tango


This is very true, don't look to someone or something else to make you happy. You have to work on yourself first.

Simer I know where you are coming from here. I felt much the same way after my divorce. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I got involved with several community organizations, local Jaycees, a Riverfront committee working to put in a new walking trail and a school advisory board. It has definitely helped and made me feel like I'm a part of something.

I tried bars too, but that was going nowhere. Most of the people I know here i met through work or my volunteer stuff.

Its good to get out and do things but i think you need to face your inner fears too. that has been one of the hardest things for me. Learning how to be alone and embrace it. I've done a lot of looking in on myself and its made me a stronger person.

I like to do things like read and write and I have hobbies like photography and gardening that have helped a lot.

Don't get me wrong. I still have lonely days and days where I wonder what I'm doing, but they are fewer and farther between now.

Hang in there you're going to be ok.”

“You could be like this guy:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6318381037414435530&q=wrestling+crying”

“I like the cooking Idea.
When I got diabetes I had to make a major life change. I used to eat a ton. I decided to replace quantity with quality.
Teach yourself. there are many facets from buying and trying new spices, trying a new pan, learning new and better methods.
the internet has a gazillion recipes.


Just make sure you have everything you need for the recipes. find what you like to cook best then perfect that.”

“And if I had a life then why am I hear so much????????”

“simer190, it's only a matter of time before your life changes, just hang in there. You know the old phrase, "when one door closes, and another door opens". You're not pathetic at all, just lonely at this time, and I think we all find ourselves there at one time or another between dates or marriages.

I had a boss at one job ask me if I went out and socialized or had a boyfriend. When I said no, he suggested joining a church group to do activities with.

Don't any tters live near you? If not, perhaps you can try other hiking sites and find hikers that live near you. There is the Mountaineer Club where they always have group hikes.

As for doing something that has more potential for meeting dates, what about going to yahoo.com and clicking on their "personals" link to find prospects in your area. They have tons of people listed there.

For friends, joining any type of group that has the same interests can help you find friends. There is a site called www.meetup.com that I think hundreds of thousands of people belong to for various gatherings. I found a chihuahua meet up there for play dates for my dog! I think they charge a small fee now to join.

The thing is to keep getting out there and putting yourself around people and not get too anxious about waiting for something to happen, because it will in time.”

“dang, tango that's deep, for TT
last edited: 1/27/06 1:38:58 PM”

“What Tango said about volunteering, helping others, I heard said by someone who got divorced and her counselor told her to try volunteering. There is a certain level of committment once you sign up to volunteer for something, not that you can't change your mind.

Something like the Big Brother program is worthwhile, but I think you need to interact with the kid a few times a week and for at least a year. If you don't have a true committment, it would be hurtful to the child to dump him when things got better and you found things to do or found a girlfriend, so maybe that kind of volunteering is better for a person who is more settled and has a routine they can fit the child into.”

“So, if you're west of the Twin Cities and still in Minnesota, you're about 30 miles from me. This is a tough area to meet people...everyone I know I met either at a bar or at work except for the friends I've gained on these bping message boards. The whole area has a small town mentality...everyone seems to have known everyone forever...

Do I have any good advice? Not really. All I know is sometimes everything looks black and sad...thankfully, things never stay the same..get a Betta (it's a fish)..get a plant...get something that needs you to survive...start small and it will grow...

then, join our trips...come to Canoecopia (Madison, WI) and meet some of us in March..
last edited: 1/28/06 3:31:30 PM”

“Try prozac for some short term help. Did wonders for my father-in-law when he was that depressed.”

“Hey Matt, hang in there brother.

I felt pretty lonely and lost not that long ago, keep getting out - find a club, (like they said) or any group of people with similar interests and whatnot and go spend time with them.

It was really cool to get to meet you last week - thanks for taking the time to come hang out with me and my lunatic co-workers.”

“A person can feel down in the dumps, but not necessarily depressed or depressed enough to go on the merry-go-round of trying different meds to see which one works and doesn't give you a gazillion side effects.”

“i'm going through my boxes and throwing out stuff in preperation of my new life. The stuff has been in boxes b/c we were unsure how our fight to stay in this building was gonna go. Now I feel the need to get rid of all that crap I no longer need. I just tossed my hard earned Mardi Gras Beads. It was more difficult the I imagined....”

“Do we really want to know how you earned the beads (LOL)....Sorry about the move I hate dumping off old memories.

Well there is another time etc..yadda yadda...”

“so if you flash your ta tas when you get the beads do you put your shirt back on when you get rid of them?”

“I hear ya on the dumping old stuff. So many years of accumulated stuff that I'm still sentimental about, yet don't want to move into a new house and a new phase of my life.”

“My beads were earned through dancing, kissing, and groping.

:p”

“you groped or were groped?”

“Likely a little of both.”

“SC's rule of life #1----

Live like you will always be moving..


Don't collect so much junk that its a pain to move.”

“Little of both. being a waiter/bartendar was.........memorable.”

“BM...you fascinate me.”

“I needa whole new life aswell wonder if I should start a yoga class of maybe.....tv watched fan club”