“What do you say to people you work with who are loud, monopolize every conversation, have to be the center of attetion, are controlling, talk nonstop about their personal lives (stuff your really don't want to hear), and run right over your ideas, to get them to shut up?

I need specific phrases to use. Think of this like a war zone, because it feels like one to me. I just want these people to leave me alone!! The other day this woman's sister (I also work with her) came up to me and told me "[the annoying person] was Valedictorian of U of A when she went there." I wanted to say something, but couldn't think of a good comeback. Do they think I care????

p.s. hi everyone, I know I've been gone a long time. Over a year, I think.
bizzlips”

“When she talks, look vaccuously around the room and ask, "Does anybody hear anything?"”

“Tell her she should post on TT like everyone else.”

“Hmmmm, "OK, so what exactly is a valedictorian.......and what does the A stand for.....Alaska??"”

“I left a few years ago as LtDan .....just kinda drifted away. Then my department promoted me to Captain....so that screwed up a perfectly good trail name.

As for obnoxious coworkers I add stuff. When a coworker mentions their brother, sister, friend etc did something. I start out nice then eventually add stuff like...
"Now was this before or after they got out of prison?"

As for the reply try, "I am so glad you shared that with me." Say it in the same tone you would if the person was an urban outdoorsman explaining why he wears an aluminum foil hat.

Or there is the famous...."Well I am sure she will overcome that challenge one day."

Ask how many were in the class.


The other thing to remember is a lot of people are trying very hard to show how special they are. They need constant reassurances that they are worthwhile. Most time I sit there and try to be nice. Look at them like you do the little child who is telling you their story about their imaginary friend.”

“Pick up your phone dial some random numbers and say "Suicide HotLine? I need to speak with a counselor right now.....” or “Colt Firearms? Do you have rush delivery services?….””

“Geobeet - vaccous looks, good one

Nimblefoot - funny. There wouldn't be so many postings if we didn't all have those extra personalities or Identities I guess you'd say in a psychological sense.

XL - Ooh that's great Captain Dan.

P.s. congrats on your promotion!”

“MarkO - ya kinda lost me on the Alaska reference.

Does this visual help: we refer to her as "the rabid chihauhua" behind her back.

Come on, get those create comeback juices flowing!! I'm counting on you all!”

“boondock - unfortunately, that might be seen as a threat against my coworkers (but nice quick thinking).

I was thinking something along the lines of "that explains why she thinks she Knows-It-All" - but more creative.”

“Ask what the "U" or the "A" stands for to denote her insignificance.....same with playing ignorant about valedictorian.”

“She's also told me (like this is a perfectly sane thing to do) that she puts codes on the TV, screens incoming calls on everyone's cell phones (her husband's and her adult kids that live with her).

I mean, think major control freak.

One time she proceeded to tell me a story about how her and her husband were having sex so loudly "the kids heard" and I almost lost my lunch. I mean I felt ill. I do not want to know these things, but the woman talks nonstop!!

Maybe I could carry headphones around and put them on when she starts talking. Only problem is in meetings you can't do that. :P”

“biz, remember that time we were having lunch so loudly, the kids heard? It was a jerky lunch, if I recall. Now THAT was a gooooood time!”

“"That just doesn't make any f...ing sense!

Wow she has a degree??? or Wow, she WENT to college?

"At some point in school I decided it was cool to be witty and off-the-cuff and zing anyone with the slightest hint of malice toward me. I'm not talking about verbal self-defense or anything that confuses people. I'm talking about turn-beet-red, in-your-face, no-holds-barred caustic snubs that stun people into oft self-conscious silence. I inherited it from my grandmother, who could turn a stranger to tears with an off-the-cuff phrase and later plead ignorance, saying she was just making small talk. It became an art, for its own sake, to come up with rapid fire shut downs for anyone, anywhere. I'm in my mid 20's and nothing and no one can touch me. Who needs an arsenal when you're impregnable?"

Throw away the book – When someone's lived, these things are meaningless.

"I don't care about your show — Even when some fudge packer that you date has been elected President, I don't give a damn — Do you get me, sweetheart?"

No no I didn't come up with these on my own:
http://www.taxi1010.com/nursery.htm”

“As for the reply for "sex" look at her and say," NOW the term "husband" would that be your little euphamisim for your vibrator?"

UM...okay here is the nuclear option, as she is talking, look around carefully then put your hand on her shoulder and look into her eyes and say,"I am so glad that extra weight you have picked up didn't damage your self esteem."

I know when guys start a long bragging escapade about "(insert female name here)" I always listen then ask, so what do you call your other hand?”

“You didn't say WHERE you wanted the firearm of your choice delivered. OK if she is that sensitive how about…” You could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism or advise”. Bordering on the threatening a co-worker side, but one I use is “You know…some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs”.”

“HAHAHAHAHAH

I'm laughing so hard it Hurts Kleety!!! sweety!!

those were GOoooood Times :) (ohmygawd, I forgot how to make the other smiley face!!!)”

“Say, "You shouldn't mumble so much, I can't understand a word you are saying."”

“GREAT GREAT GREAT, i'M taking notes.

Toof funnhy

She does have an extra large Ass. I think it's from all the tennis she plays”

“I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s---.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to
pronounce.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
Ahhh...I see the ---- -up fairy has visited us again...
and my personal favorite....
Excuse me...do I LOOK like a people person?”

“Here's another: "I'd love to listen to your story, but I have to call my probation officer. You see, I killed some dingbat who talked too much."

What I usually tell people: "Take a work break!"”

“Biz, next time she comes to talk to you just fart really loud!”

“Damn, ... And all this time I thought Tango was yelling "Flyers suck!"”

“I was! And they do!”

“Lt. Dan and Biz show up the same day, outta the blue?!??!? HOLY SHEEYAT!!

>8-O

welcome back...”

“They sure did on Saturday. Turning point of the game was the opening face-off.”

“Is there any other way?”

“farting with impunity (I have been applauded in some shelters and asked to leave others, lol).”

“How does one turn on a hot air biscuit at will? I've never done it. What if she doesn't have an acute sense of smell.

Hi liz - the Dan thing an I was a coincidink, I swear”

“"Holy Sheeyat", flatulence questions, and Lizs all in the same thread....do I "smell" something in common here?”

““How does one turn on a hot air biscuit at will?

Eat beans, hard boiled eggs, and drink beer the night before. No need to worry about will. Just hold your ears and let 'er rip!”

“I've got it for ya biz ... just start spouting Marvin Gardens quotes.”

“"Screw you in the ear with no jelly? I'm leaving?
"
Hmmm. could work”

“(ohmygawd, I forgot how to make the other smiley face!!!)

bizzy, back for such a short time and already making me work? It one of these, right?

:Þ

Ü

You always liked #2.







I just know someone is gonna turn that into a poopy joke!”

“Three little initials -- RNC. That's a "rear naked choke" for the uninitiated.

Come upon the offending individual from behind. Place you right arm up and over their right shoulder. Crook the front of the person's neck between your forearm and bicep, so your hand is coming up on the left side of their neck. Now place your left hand up and over their left shoulder. Grab your left bicep with your right hand, and then flex your left arm. This maneuver compresses the jugulars and blood flow to the brain decreaes causing the person to lose consciousness.

Lights out, it's nitey nite time. Doubt they would bother you much after that.”

“"She does have an extra large Ass. I think it's from all the tennis she plays”
biz
1:51:56 PM
1/30/06

Hmmmmm, do something with an extra large pair of panties and a.........

Geo, you're a genius!!”

“MarkO ... I knew that ... let me tell you about ...



Oops! Nuthin, man!”

“Have you considered overhydrating her?”

“I have few social graces so ending a conversation is easy for me. Of course I do have a tendency to piss people off.

1)I just get up & walk away. Most of my friends & family are used to me just getting up in the middle of a conversation & going to bed. I did this at 2 of my surprise birthday parties. (they didn't believe me the first time)

2)I'll ask if I can call you back & never do.

3)I just look 'em square in the eye & say "the adults are talking".

4) Occasionally I'll use a water spray bottle (on the edge of my desk) pretend to sneeze & spray em.”

“Shut the fu@% up, has always worked for me.”

“Crap! Good to see you posting Biz!”

“Welcome back!!!

A different take...understand that she has extremely low self-esteem and it has affected her tremondously. Just feel sorry for her and ignore her as much as possible. Nod your head as she talks and just think about something else. In a way she really is handicapped.”

“lol at mtnsteve - not really the subtle type, eh?”

“Sometimes subtle just doesn't work ;<)”

“Subtle just delays the inevitable.”

“I agree with Dr. Phil, but...

"I need specific phrases to use. Think of this like a war zone, because it feels like one to me. I just want these people to leave me alone!! The other day this woman's sister (I also work with her) came up to me and told me "[the annoying person] was Valedictorian of U of A when she went there." I wanted to say something, but couldn't think of a good comeback. Do they think I care????"

"That's very nice. I hope that helps her in her work, promotion and career."”

“1. If she comes along and says, "Good morning" or "Good afternoon," reply, "I haven't time!" and look and/or go away from her.

2. Interrupt her saying, "Are you on the clock? I am and have to work(or continue working). Bye."

3. Pick your nose. Act like you caught a big one, pretend, if necessary, to shake it off on the floor, and them offer your hand, saying, "Good to see you. Let me shake your hand." If you don't want to pick your nose, substitute scratching your fanny with some real strong effort and body English.

camelfluffer - Before trying a RNC, one should be sure the other person is not good at aikijutsu.”

“You want to hear annoying. I work for a very large utility with brand recognition and occasionally ride with a guy whose passtime is to yell out the window really loudly at women.


Let her go on and on and then Say " I'm sorry, did you say something?" with a quisical look .

Pick up a totally boring magazine in the middle of her talking and bring up some banal subject.”

“Just say, "So what's your point?" after her long talk. It usually diss' people off. :o) Long time no post Biz.”

“All my dang coworkers are getting on my last nerve today.”