Consume, Recycle, Retire

“If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel® stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00

With Enron®, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom®, you would have less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401 Keg Plan.”

“OK. I'm on it.”

“We had a party on Sunday and only 3 of 24 beers were consumed. I better get busy....”

“No television until you finish your beer, young man!”

“Assume you get 24 cheep beers for $12.00.

An average can weighs .5 oz.

1,000/12*24 = 2,000 *.5 = 1,000 /16 = 62.5 lbs.

At $.75/pound (about the highest payment in the country by far), that comes to a total refund of $46.88

Does that sound about right?”

“And 17 beers a day helps ward off prostate cancer.”

“i heard somewhere beer prevents prostate cancer

i think you had to drink something like 20 beers a day, tho”

“you guys are so cute together”

“jinxies!”

““i heard somewhere beer prevents prostate cancer

i think you had to drink something like 20 beers a day, tho”
Crash Bang
7:34:32 PM
6/14/06


Whew! I thought you were going to take that in a completely different direction.”

“wretching!”

“Sarge, an empty beer can in MI is worth 10 cents.”

“Sarge is right, that's fuzzy math there tarabull (maybe the writer had been monitoring her liquid assetts before doing the math). The text does say "recycling REFUND." Which sounds like a deposit. Most states with a deposit charge 5 cents a can. Top get a refund of 214 dollars would require 4280 cans of beer. You'd have had to have got the beer for less than 24 cents a can, including deposit!

I guess the only reasonable solution is that any social security reform law require that beer be sold at 1.10 a 6 pack, + deposit.”

“I can buy a 12 pack of cheap beer (I'm drinking one now) at Kroger for 4.99 plus deposit. That's $12.38 for 24 cans.

$1,000 would allow me to purchase 80.77 cases of beer. That's 1,938 cans of beer.

Now, assume you live in a bottle/can deposit state, such as Michigan.

1,938 cans of beer returned for $0.10 per can would give me $193.80 which is much closer to the $214 mentioned in the joke above.”

“Anyway, folks, it was just a silly email I rec'vd and it made me giggle so I thought I'd share it.

Sheesh.”

“Damn stupid google.”

“I was joking too.

Sheesh.”

“Please report to the "fun with math" thread.”

“What are you drinking tarabull?”

“I am guessing Josef Hoffbrau.”

“I wasn't joking, I was dead serious when I said "I guess the only reasonable solution is that any social security reform law requires that beer be sold at 1.10 a 6 pack, + deposit.”

I'm going to write congress, after I open another beer I review my portofolio.
last edited: 6/14/06 6:50:28 PM”

“certificate of authenticity

”

“One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. and here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

“Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter and The lager.
Forever and ever,

Barmen”

“hehehe. that last one really made me laugh.”

“perhaps I should be posting that on one of those flaming religion threads

Long time no see Miss Bull”

“SirPete - The herd theory of alcohol is a classic!”

“if it's true then I've killed mine off through natural selection to a point where the gene pool is in the sink”

“"Long time no see Miss Bull"

Right back atcha, sir. Ever visited Michigan's Upper Peninsula?”

“sir. Never visited Michigan's Upper Peninsula!”

“4 down, 20 to go....”

“Bowlderman needs to meet my friends. 24 beers=2 friends.”

“consume

mary and reproduce

stay asleep

obey

submit to authority

no indepedent thought

this is your god”

“Is that the Mary that married and produced in a present day movie?”