Quote for the Day!

“And what state was this in, Ped?”

“prolly a state of extreme innebriation tree...

actually, it was in Massachusetts, but Brians mom was not native to these parts... (and to be honest, he was quoting her, I never heard her say that)”

“Trees that fly in the air can hurt you.

8)”

“I came to a fork in the trail, and by the end of the day I'd collected place settings for eight.”

“LMAO, SS!”

“SS, you're a dork!! :-D

and treebait, you crack me up all the time.”

“lyra - Thank you, thank you. ;)”

“I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d’etat imaginable. And those now in charge of the federal government are upper-crust C-students who know no history or geography, plus not-so-closeted white supremacists, aka “Christians,” and plus, most frighteningly, psychopathic personalities, or “PPs.”

To say somebody is a PP is to make a perfectly respectable medical diagnosis, like saying he or she has appendicitis or athlete’s foot. The classic medical text on PPs is The Mask of Sanity by Dr. Hervey Cleckley. Read it! PPs are presentable, they know full well the suffering their actions may cause others, but they do not care. They cannot care because they are nuts. They have a screw loose!

And what syndrome better describes so many executives at Enron and WorldCom and on and on, who have enriched themselves while ruining their employees and investors and country, and who still feel as pure as the driven snow, no matter what anybody may say to or about them? And so many of these heartless PPs now hold big jobs in our federal government, as though they were leaders instead of sick.

What has allowed so many PPs to rise so high in corporations, and now in government, is that they are so decisive. Unlike normal people, they are never filled with doubts, for the simple reason that they cannot care what happens next. Simply can’t. Do this! Do that! Mobilize the reserves! Privatize the public schools! Attack Iraq! Cut health care! Tap everybody’s telephone! Cut taxes on the rich! Build a trillion-dollar missile shield! #&%!$ habeas corpus and the Sierra Club and In These Times, and kiss my ass!

- Kurt Vonnegut”

“Kurt has a way with words. He should write a book!”

“He's a pistol.”

“DOH!”

“Kurt is Pimp!! Love the no BS approach...”

“If you always do what pleases you, at least one person is satisfied.

Katharine Hepburn”

“Instuctor " you were number two,do you know what that makes you?"

Student " the first loser"”

“"I can't be sure that I understand you because you are using the wrong words."

-- Albert Einstein”

“Only those who dare to fail greatly
Ever achieve greatly.

Robert F Kennedy”

“If the snow is yellow, don't eat it.”

“Here are some good ones:

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield.

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen DeGeners.

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin.

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."
W.C.Fields

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
Robin Williams.

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Steven Wright.

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
Johnny Carson.

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown.

"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."
George Bush”

“"God made the country and man made the town."

Cowper, The Task”

“Steven Wright Stole That! LOL....

The winning entry from a recent contest for "new scientific theories" sponsored by Omni magazine:

"When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on its feet; and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS lands with the buttered side down. Therefore, I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground, probably into eternity. A "buttered-cat array" could replace pneumatic tires on cars and trucks, and "giant buttered-cat arrays" could easily allow a high-speed monorail to link between New York with Chicago."”

“"We may not be cash-flowing that much, but the sky's the limit. Well, when you pay dividends, that sky's-the-limit business doesn't hunt."

- President 'Dubya' Bush
(discussing his tax proposals)”

“One of my old girlfriends shaved the "other place". It was like having a whole new playground.
;)"
StoveStomper
12:56:51 PM
02/25/03”

“I think George Bush needs to hire StoveStomper to put some ZING into his speeches.”

“We may not be shaving the "other place" that much, but the sky's the limit. Well, when you shave the "other place", that sky's-the-limit business doesn't hunt.


Is that better?”

“It's a whole new playground, Bit.”

“If you want a pack ask your back...
Ice Tea
09:22:08 PM
03/02/03

Ice Tea regarding purchasing a new backpack.”

“"The mass media, whose structural links to government and the corporate system are already potent, and who are therefore already inclined to accept a state line, are driven further toward closure by the fact that the experts, whose credentials are from affiliation with institutions specializing in terrorism, are supplied them by the industry collective. These experts all follow the approved semantics and model and select and fit facts accordingly.... This reflects an effective propaganda system."
-- Herman, Edward S. and O'Sullivan, Gerry.
The "Terrorism" Industry: The Experts and Institutions That Shape Our View of Terror”

“Let's kick their ass and get the Hell out of here.

--- General George Armstrong Custer”

“Famous Last Words, LOL”

“The heavy old man in his bed at night
Hears the Coyote singing in the back meadow.
All the years he ranched and mined and logged.
A Catholic.
A native Californian. and the coyotes howl in his
Eightieth year.
He will call the Government
Trapper
Who uses iron leg-traps on Coyotes,
Tomorrow.
My sons will lose this
Music they have just started
To love."



Gary Snyder”

“"Kill them all, for the Lord knows them that are His."

Arnaud Amaury, abbot of
Citeaux and papal legate.”

“We are shaped and fashioned by what we love

-Goethe”

“I would rather kiss the fallen rock than leave a tear on high. For in the depths is living, that is best for you and I.”

“Gee, that's real pretty, Slippery Dick. What's it mean???”

“Wanton wisdow rapacious running across a torn page.”

“Some quotes from the RRG trip this past wknd...

"I am a licensed tobacconist, I dont sell.I consult" CMB

" I am a tobaccoist and I studied alcohology in college" Briar Rabbit

" I dont care if he has a sword,if he has my foot up his @ss" CMB

"you dont look a day over 42" CMB to Gemini

" A reverse loop,that's pretty dangerous" Big Poppa

" I am an English major,Not a pig-fukker" 2Scoops”

“see CMB, your coment even made it into the quote section. Darn you!!”

“Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow.

-James Dean”

“Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium bonzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.]
Shopkeeper: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

The Simpsons”

“"Oh crap! It just keeps going!"

Homer Simpson
on "The Murderhorn"”

“"When you are alone in the woods it is impossible to hide behind a tree. No matter where you stand, you are always in front of it."

Hoyt Axton”

“It's D O D D E R.”

“The sexual life of the camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to bugger the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior orifice,
Is blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And Sphinx's inscrutable smile.”

“"Let not the sands of time get in your lunch"”

“"We're here, we're queer, and we don't want anymore bears!"

-The Springfield Mob”

“War should be the only study of a prince. He should consider peace only as a breathing-time, which gives him leisure to contrive, and furnishes as ability to execute, military plans.

--Macchiavelli, The Prince”

“What-tha-? LOL


Ah, Deteriorata... a personal fave. Nice touch, TB.


You are a fluke
Of the Universe!”

“Tilt, it seems you and I have almost identical tastes in comedy. I didn't think that one would get by you, BTW...”

“ "The world will never have lasting peace so long as men reserve for war the finest human qualities. Peace, no less than war, requires idealism and self-sacrifice and a righteous and dynamic faith."
-- John Foster Dulles (1888-1959), American Republican diplomat, politician, US Secretary of State”

“Oh, Tilt. Just came back in from lunch. Went through the throngs at the 5th Ave. St. Paddy's day parade and bought 'Just Another Band From L.A.' and 'Them or Us' on CD. Zappa's version of Whippin' Post kicks ass...”