Quote for the Day!

“That one is just Too Cool...”

“"BE ALL that you CAN BE".

And OMGOSH, you don't have to join the Army to do this! Don't get me started.”

“A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murder is less to fear.

Marcus Tullius Cicero”

“"The young know everything. The mature doubt everything."

Sigismundo Celine (a fictional character of Robert Anton Wilson's)
last edited: 2/17/07 4:31:46 PM”

“The chief requisite for contentment is a bad memory.

Sigismundo Celine
last edited: 2/17/07 4:32:07 PM”

“post 2 definitely works for me.”

“Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and griefs which we endure help us in our marching onward.

--Henry Ford”

“Fight workplace demotivation; fire unhappy employees.

--unknown”

“I have a great deal of company in my house; especially in the morning, when
nobody calls. -Henry David Thoreau,”

“If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got.

--W. L. Bateman”

“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

--George S. Patton”

“50 funniest Homer Simpson Quotes

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

Homer no function beer well without.

I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You-are-gay.'

All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.

Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.

Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?”

“Don't be afraid that your life will end,

be afraid that it will never begin."



~anonymous~”

“"a fine theory brutalized by a vicious set of facts"

William James”

“"You're as beautiful as Princess Leia and smart as Yoda"

The best compliment my son ever gave me was "You're a better basketball player than Larry Bird, and funnier than Bill Cosby." True on both counts:)”

“No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.


~~Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)”

“Yeah, I've been married twice. Now I'm qualified to be a tour guide in Hell.

~~Sam Kinison (1953 - 1992)”

“"A good heart is better than all the heads in the world."

— Edward Bulwer-Lytton”

“Every failure, obstacle or hardship is an opportunity in disguise. Success in many cases is failure turned inside out. The greatest pollution problem we face today is negativity. Eliminate the negative attitude and believe you can do anything. Replace 'if I can, I hope, maybe' with 'I can, I will, I must.'"
-Mary Kay Ash”

“There are many things in life that will capture your eye, but few will capture your heart. These are the ones to pursue. The are the ones worth keeping.

unknown”

“Guilt is a useless emotion, but apathy is even worse.

--Lee Woodruff”

“We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.

~~Lynn Hall, Where Have All the Tigers Gone?, 1989”

“I just received these in an email.


Subject: Wise sayings

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should
have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of 64th President, Jimmy
Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine
against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement. - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor
Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark
Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness,
can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed
Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form
of misery. - Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the
position. - Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. - Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert
Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap. - Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -
WC Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress. - Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid
you. - Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere. - Billy Crystal”

“Too often I would hear men boast of the miles covered that day, rarely of
what they had seen. -Louis L'Amour, novelist (1908-1988)”

“"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." --- Lao Tzu”

“The mind can change heaven into hell and hell into heaven.

Milton”

“Two things fill the heart with renewed and increasing awe and reverence the more often and the more steadily that they are meditated on: the starry skies above me and the moral law inside me.

-­Immanuel Kant”

“I've got blisters on my fingers!

--Richard Starkey, MBE (1940-)”

“Chili --

http://www.thebackpacker.com/trailtalk/thread/11532,4,1.php#1530399”

“I need to memorize the philosophers drinking song.”

“He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator.

~~Francis Bacon”

“cheers!”

“LOL...saw this on the security divider in the back of one of the squad cars (where the perps can see it on the ride in)..

"It's okay, I just won't listen."”

“Work: the curse of the drinking class.”

“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.

-Blaine Lee,”

“Whereas, even the most abject apology for past wrongs cannot right them, nor can it justly impute fault or responsibility to succeeding generations or justify the imposition of new benefits or burdens, yet the spirit of true repentance on behalf of a government, and, through it, a people, can serve to bring closure, to reconcile and heal, and to recall and remind so that past wrongs may never be repeated and manifest injustice may not again be overlooked.

Full resolution at http://www.nathanielturner.com/virginiaexpressesprofoundregret.htm”

“People don't change..times change..

~Chili”

“Oh God!, Oh God!, Oh God!

~~Nurse Goodbody”

“Chili (from the kitchen)..."whats wrong did something happen?"”

“lmao @ XL”

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

-- Phillip K. Dick (1928-1982)”

“Without me having to wade through 65 pages of this thread (please)....

I'd like to hear some good love/relationship quotes. i need some suggestions for something I am doing for our wedding. I have 6 or 7 under consideration right now, but I am open to more suggestions.”

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough

No road is long with good company. ~Turkish Proverb

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. ~Wayne W. Dyer

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
~Franklin P. Jones

Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache. ~Mae West”

“"Dating sucks!"
wingding”

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx”

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul ~ Judy Garland

Love isn't finding someone you can live with, its finding someone you can't live without ~don't know who.”

“Here's one, Ruby:

"Ruby, he's not good enough for you!"
- Fritz”

“Rafael Ortiz, Nurse Goodbody.”

“okie dokie..thanks SS.”

“Ha ha ha, Bearmagnet and Fritz.


Interestingly, the first one Nurse Goodbody recommended by Judy Garland is Jon's first choice. Mine is this one:

Come live with me, and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,
With silken lines, and silver hooks.
-John Donne "The Bait"



Not sure yet which one it will be. It's going to be incorporated into favor bookmarks.”