I need a space-time-portal

“Please send DIY work instruction, preferably with pics. Need space-time-portal to join some of the day/weekend trips posted, or do shopping at REI, and be back home in the old town for a fondue.
...sigh.”

“Stand by for shift......”

“The jaunt gate is now open.”

“LOL..I wish.”

“beam me up.
beam me out of this office...ugh.
north pole, to the highlands or islands, or even mars...I don't care.”

“What planet are you on, Euro?”

“mmm...let me see. I am trapped in a room with humming computers, blinking sreens and an overworked coffeemachine, but I think it's not the USS Enterprise. Some sad life forms are slaving to feed the machines with input, input, input...but I belief I am not caught in the Matrix. Oh, out there I see some blue mountains, their snow covered peaks shimmering in the sun, so I guess it's not Mars either.”

“Uh huh...don't worry we aren't in your chain of command...tell us where you are....MarkO...get the taperecorder on....(OOPS..sorry shouldn't have added that)”

“Well, you see, there is this rather annoying cuckoo clock in the meeting room, that makes me wonder...”

“...and if this really is cheese fondue sticking under my desk, I wonder if the last, malfunctioning space-time-continuum I was sold slingshot me right into Switzerland...”

“I hate "DIY". Or any new "catchy" acronym. And its almost always used in a redundent manner. WTF?”

“...right. Last time it hit me out of the continuum I was stuck in UK for a couple of years. Lifeforms there constantly talk in acronys and synonyms...cheesy.”

“Mmmmmm.....I like synonym bunz and cheese Danish, but I rarely eat such foods.

Banana is for breakfast and black coffee.

Man, you got snow covered mountains?
Nice!
......no, no, Nice is not near mountains, non?”

“it's nice in the mountians, but Nice surely is at the other side of those blue mountains.”

“i love meetings....take our BS BINGO cards and play all afternoon.”

“I thought TT was the portal. Am I wrong?”

“Anyone got any muffins ?”

“I'm sittin' on my muffins”