You Might Be A Rural Sexual If...

“"OLN"..........oy, I'm afraid to ask!”

“Outdoor Life Network (OLN), actually I think it’s called Versus now.
last edited: 12/26/06 2:57:08 PM”

“Ha ha, one never knows!

So, ya watch people fish on TV?
Its probably more exciting than golf anyway.”

“So, ya watch people fish on TV?
Its probably more exciting than golf anyway.”
MarkO
3:59:37 PM
12/26/06

I watch hunting shows too, but generally only in the morning while I'm get dressed and drinking coffee before I go out to hunt or fish. It just helps get me primed.”

“Aaarrgggghhh!

Go gettum, killuh!”

“I was doing a job in Danville, KY, back in 1980. I asked one of the locals our company hired about the activities in which he and his partook.
"We hunt and [expletive]" he says.
"Oh yeah? What do you hunt?" I ask.
"Something to [explective]!" he says.
lol!”

“Oooooooh man, that's stone, #&%!$in' Appalachian American.”

“If you drive around a 1970's pickup with Mercedes hubcaps...”

“If you get Frants Pew Fumes on yer stinky butt but it is still s STINKY BUTT!
BOL!


o... then you are prolly a rewelseksel bwt.”

“Maybe if ya gots some baby moon hubcaps on your SAAB.”

“If you have a Fellowship to teach Plumbing 401...”

“Maybe if ya got an electrified washtub bass and jug.”

“If you purposely get mud on yer truck before you go cruisin' for babes.”

“If you are wondering how to substitute catfish for Mahi-Mahi in that recipe from your latest Bon Appetit magazine.

If you have ever tried to tie a dead deer on top of a Lexus.

If your ten thousand dollar custom-built backyard fishpond is populated with bluegill & crappie that you caught yourself.

If you have tried to make brandy with your still.

If your Sub Zero refrigerator has a box of worms in it.

If your walls are filled with limited edition prints from Field & Stream and paintings of your boat.

If you ordered ostrich & buffalo meat over the internet just to make jerky.

If you have a Cabela's Gold MasterCard.

If you have reloaded ammo for your antique Civil War firearm.

If you have ever asked the dry cleaners to "try to get that squirrel blood off my French cuffs".”

“BOL Omahiker!”

“just got back from visiting my parents, lots of inspiration there. They have plenty of money but know how to spend it right. And "frugal" doesn't even begin to describe my Mom, she washes her dishes in cold water & turns off the heat every time she leaves the house. She has a dryer that is 35 years old that has only been used about ten times, because she doesn't want to waste money on electricity when a drying rack will do the job just as well.”

“more...

If you have ever made Rabbit Parmesan.

If you have a custom-made bird feeder.

If you have an original oil painting of an albino squirrel.

If your eighty thousand dollar motorhome sports "Ducks Unlimited" and "Pheasants Forever" bumper stickers.

If you shop for organic turnip greens.

If you have a Bass Pro Shops catalog next to the bidet.

If you actually use the antique spittoon you bought on E-Bay.

If you have hauled firewood in the back of your Lincoln Navigator.

If your Savile Row trousers have a pocket specially tailored to hold a can of Skoal.

If you have ever had a trophy mule deer head professionally restored.”

“Jeeezuz, Omy!
You are OFF THE HOOK!
Don't stop now!!!

LOFL!!”

“damn, good ones!”

“Mom & Dad just paid several thousand dollars to replace some of their windows, but Dad noticed that the birds weren't coming to their window-mounted bird feeder off the kitchen like they did before. So he went to Wal-Mart & got some "Limo-Dark" film to stick on the inside of the window, hoping that if the birds couldn't see inside they would start coming back again to feed. Mom wasn't too happy since Dad left a few bubbles in the film. Now that I have come home again it will probably be a topic of heated conversation between the two of them.”

“OHMAHIKERGAWD!!!

I just read your second list. You are HILLARIOUS!

Where have you been all my life?




BTW -
What would you do, if... say.... I'm just sayin', k? If I.... no, we - no "oui" -
if we were sitting quietly at a small, inconspicuous table at, say, the Ma Bourgogne along Paris's dimly lit Place des Vosges on a beautiful Spring evening and I presented you with a maginficent, shiny NAPA 1/2" hydraulic O-ring?”

“gojo, that would be like my dream come true, except that I'm already married (to a redneck attorney). While we were dining and romancing, I would be asking our waiter if there were any catfish in a nearby river, and if they were biting, and what bait were they taking, say, cutbait or turkey livers?”

“And you point is...?
;)”

“btw -
I had thunk of the spitoon line - not yet refined, tho.


I've been a proud holder of a "Waffle House Gold Card" for many a year, too.


The bidet one was the off the hooktest yet.

I knew if this thread was kept afloat for long enough that someone would come along and work their magic!”

“my point is... would you bring your fishing gear to Paris? One must keep one's priorities in order when travelling abroad. 20 pound test and 5/0 circle hooks can come in handy just about anywhere you know.”

“Would I??!!
Holy moley. You think I'd miss the opportunity to land a big'ol Seine specimen of a Cypranis carpio ?”

“My husband is home from visiting his mother, who is in frail health, and we are going shopping now. I will try and think of something worthy of ritzy redneckitude while I am out buying groceries this afternoon. BTW when will you be passing thru Nebraska again? You could stay at our store for a few days, we are closed this time of year. Later...
last edited: 12/29/06 1:57:48 PM”

“If you still think Jimmy Carter was the worst american president.”

“If your first tower (deer) stand was a Frank Lloyd Wright...”

“If you pay $350,000 for a rickety, wood and paper biplane because you believed the line about it being built by Frank and Lloyd Wright...”

“If you put on some tangerine lip gloss to answer the door for the Tractor Supply delivery man...
last edited: 12/30/06 12:19:22 PM”

“If you had your favorite hunting dog stuffed and mounted when he died.

If you have stayed at the Hilton in Branson, Missouri.

If your yacht is named the "Dale Earnhardt."

If you have taken your Navigator off-road.

If you own a "Mossy Oak" necktie (but not a clip-on).

If you have a juris doctorate degree but you have not worn shoes for the last two months.

If you have a Chia Herb Garden.

If your TIVO is set to record all of the BassMasters tournament shows.

If you have a fishfinder wristwatch.

If you killed, plucked, and cleaned your Thanksgiving dinner, then served it on a Lenox china platter.”

“if you repaired the broken leg of your CowParade Ceramic Cow with J-B Weld...
last edited: 12/30/06 9:39:58 PM”

“If you have a gun rack in the back window of your pickup
If you poot on your first date and laugh”

“if you use a SoniCare toothbrush to brush between your front teeth...”

“If your Tivoli garden includes okra.
last edited: 12/31/06 9:27:22 AM”

“If you Tivoli garden includes a Ludwig Haas Wolfram sculpture of J.E.B. Stewart...”

“If you own Carhartt formal wear.

If you have tried to make homemade caviar.

If you save bacon grease in a Godiva coffee can.

If you have your taxidermist's number stored on your Razor phone.

If you play "Trophy Hunter" on a plasma TV.

If your Labrador was trained on water retrieves in your heated inground swimming pool.

If you have taken a fishing pole on a cruise ship.

If your ceramic knife has a gut hook.

If you roll your own cigars.

If you have a chandelier made of deer antlers.”

“Oma, girl, you're nuts!! Good ones, LOL!

Hey, someone on here is looking at possibly doing a trip to Halsey Forest. Been there? Interested? Let me find the thread so'ins you can post to that. Don't wanna hijack this baby....
http://www.thebackpacker.com/trailtalk/thread/46253,-1.php

Now, Back to the ComedyCentral stuff. :-)”

“If you turn a cane press with a Lipizaner Stallion...”

“If you invest a half-million dollars for production of this new fangled thing called a "cotton gin"...”

“If your Coventry Exotica humidor contains Tampa Nugget Cheroots...”

“If your JFAE9 hand finished burled walnut watch winder contains nine Timex Watches...”

“Sadly, I haven't actually backpacked for more than a year, due to work, running the store, and general laziness. Plus, the older I get, the less I appreciate the joys of cold-weather camping. Might think about the Halsey trip if I get a sudden burst of motivation before our grand reopening in mid-April. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.”

“...and BTW gojo, "Lipizzaner" has two "Z's".”

“...if you are a member of the "pork rinds of the month club".
last edited: 12/31/06 1:08:57 PM”

“Two zees? I wouldn't be surprised if it had none. This machine probably has spell check, but using it would be akin to stopping to ask directions.

So... how goes Nebrazka?”

“Oooooooo!
Cornhuskers and Tigers!


GO WAR EAGLES!”

“Oh momma!
I'm fixin to bust, I reckon!

I just got up from the table.
*pork roast
*turnip greens
*baked sweet potato w/mass butter
all reddend thorough with Tobasco sauce

in a seperate bowl
*pinto beans, extra wet
*well buttered cornbread
*sliced Vidalia onion
extra reddend!

pitcher of sweet tea
upsidedown pineapple cake

Makes me want to scream like the Sex Machine! I feel like the godfather of soul food!

No $hit - the food is probably what keeps me here. Try to find THAT in Utah!
I stopped in a restaurant in South Lyon, MI because of their "Family Cooking" sign.
"Oh HELL yes!" methunk.
"Family"? Umhmmmmm. If your family is Italian! lol!

I hit a sports bar in Vermont one night.
"Whatever your hottest wings, I'll take 10 - and here's two bucks for the cook. Tell him I want him to dip into his "special" sauce...hotter than HOT!" I tell the barmaid.
"Sir, I am the cook, and we have no sauce at all. How about catsup?"
"catsup"? I thought. Then I realized she must have meant ketchup.


I don't know what's gotten into this world. Before you know it, somebody will try to pass off some beef-based substance as barbecue...”

“Tonight:
Chicken fried venison cubed steak
Mashed potatoes w/milk gravey
blackeyed peas
homemade biscuits w/gravey

Relishes:
Hot pickled green tomatoes with jalapenos (mine from '99 - my best year!)
Pickled okra

Dessert:
Banana pudding!

UmmmmmmmUm!”