Marriage is NOT for Sissies!!!

“us guys use selective hearing, works great”

“That title still cracks me up --

Are you SURE this isn't supposed to be a Fuego thread about Gay Marriage?”

“That was my first thought Tilt, but that would discriminate against male couples.”

“Yep. I suppose so, *G*

Oh -- I had a desert hiking question that came up on the Lunar Eclipse thread of all places...”

“I've tried selective hearing on my husband, he just says it LOUDER! LOL!”

“have you tried the selective breaking of plates over his bald head yet? It worked for my mother but she had to use the thick ones.”

“I'd say 85% of my co-workers (disastrous line-of-work for marriages) are divorced & most of the remainder is re-married.

I've married my high school sweetheart & somehow remain married for 35 years.”

“why is it that my husband can't catch a hint about anything. but reads hints into EVERYTHING that i might want to have sex when that is not what i meant at all?”

“I assume that's because he has a pen|s.
last edited: 3/06/07 1:17:49 PM”

“LOL @ HPM”

“Or maybe just an optimist”

“Has anyone considered that maybe marriage IS for sissies?”

“LOL..poor Pamela...Don't you know honey finding a man is like finding a parking space...all the good ones are taken or handicapped.”

“I'm a sissy.”

“you forget XL, his IS handicapped!!!!!!

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Me too. The idea of having to date again scares the crap outta me.”

“Pamela...I sent you some mail, if you have questions...ask.

LOL....its like anything else, two people with all their hang ups, experiences etc.

and as for sense of humor

I went to a marriage seminar and the guy kept berating us about not knowing anything about our wives. He finally asked. "Here is a simple one...what is your wife's favorite flower?"

I leaned over to the wife and said,"Pillsbury self rising, Right?"
last edited: 3/06/07 3:05:11 PM”

“it isn't there yet XL. darn it all, I was hoping it was about sleeping bags!

i just looked at my post above TYPO!!! LOL, i meant to say, HE is handicapped! 'mybad! there's one for out of context.”

“Um..I thought you were being awful "open" with this crowd.

I am sorry but I am not really strong on the below 20F bags....it rarely gets to that here...and I have done that a couple of times...”

“http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/germany_spider_odd_dc

BERLIN (Reuters) - A new study by German scientists of spiders' copulation techniques found that males leave part of their sex organ inside their female partner as a sort of "chastity belt" to deter rivals.
ADVERTISEMENT

"By breaking off parts of their intromittent organs inside a virgin female, males can reduce sperm competition and thereby increase their paternity success," the Bonn University researchers wrote in the journal "Behavioral Ecology."

After setting the tone by shaking the female's web, the male has only seconds to have sex before the larger female kills him. In over 80 percent of cases, the tip of the male's genital organ breaks off inside the female.

This appears to be the result of a hasty getaway -- but also leaves behind a sort of chastity belt that keeps other males away, the study showed.”

“OW?????

something in that reminds me of the movie "New Guy"”

“OK, what with the marrieds popping up on the "dating sucks" or "dating rocks" thread, I will pop in here. Try this one on for size:

Staying married when it surely appears to be better getting out of it for everyone's sake IS FOR SISSIES. Sometimes it might appear the bad marriage is still easier than getting out (ie, and having to date, having to take care of yourself, etc, etc)

;-P
last edited: 3/07/07 8:57:51 AM”

“I disagree Lizs.

I think that staying in a bad marriage is for effing morons.
:)”

“I look at it differently. My happiness isn't as important to me as making sure my children are happy. Until I reach a point where I think my children will be better off having divorced parents and two homes I will remain a sissy.”

“HPM, I think you may have misread Lizs. Then again, I may have misread you. Then again,...who cares? :)”

“;-) HPM


Hey cool, lookie, I got hyway to say he's a sissy! Moooooohahahhaha!!!

hyway, I know someone who had that attitude till the wife came home and announced she was leaving. Perhaps it's better to make that choice rather than have it made for you.

It's just that from what I've read on here lately (and I'll do the indirect hint, hint type girlie thing here), I think some marriage(s) have sounded horrible and quite likely should be gotten out of.”

“I'm dumbfounded at what some folks put up with and all I know is what my comfort level is.
It up to you to figure out your own.

Good luck with that.”

“I think HPM understood me right. He disagreed with the "staying in a bad marriage is for sissies" part, taking it to effing morons instead of sissies. I can agree with that, actually.

Hey, do we need a thread for THAT??? ;-)”

“Lizs, I would love for her to come home and say that :). But its very unlikely because she is too codependent on me. I really don't think she can handle having the kids live with her without me there. And I feel sure she would guilt trip herself into a breakdown if she let me keep them fulltime. I don't hate my wife, we just aren't compatible. The only common interest we share is our kids. And even there we disgree quite often on how they should be raised.

And to really ice the cake, lately she has gotten religion. Woe onto this poor sinner who would rather be doing almost anything else than singing in church sunday mornings.

But, yes, I am a moron because I make the choice to stay married, but don't choose to keep quiet about my unhappiness. At least I only do it on the internet or if I am away from the home. My kids haven't caught onto it yet.”

“"before God and these witnesses…to love, to honor, to cherish...until things go bad…"

May as well not have "vows" at all. Just stand up there and say, "hey, we're in love, we'll give it a go and see how it works out."

I'm with hyway on this one. Every situation is different and the issue is, "what is best for the kids?" I know there is an argument that staying in a "bad" marriage is bad for the kids, but I think to call me an effing moron because I stayed longer than most people would have, (forgive me, HPM, you know I love you, but…) is a little arrogant.

I stayed years longer than most people would have, and the baggage I carry (incl. financial devastation) will be with me for the rest of my life. I am out now (well, working on it) and VERY glad for that, but I do not regret the years I stayed. I think I did exactly the right thing at the right time.

And one more thing….(yes, you hit a nerve, lol)…anyone who thinks staying in a "bad" marriage is "easier" than leaving was never in a really bad marriage.

Hyway, whatever your situation, I wish you and your children the best with it.”

“Could even be both, and likely is. Getting married was easy; getting divorced took more courage than I thought I had. Divorce was the intelligent choice of the two...and I'm not dissing marriage.”

“You know me Fritz, I do tend to use stronger language than I probably should. Sorry about that.

But like I said, all I know is my comfort level and it blows my mind to see things well beyond my level continue on and on.
last edited: 3/07/07 9:43:56 AM”

“Thanks Fritz. I really believe my wife would be better off, and happier, without me in the long run. Its the immediate devastation it would cause her that keeps me here.”

“HPM, you have yet to weigh your comfort level vs. the happiness of your daughter. I know you love her and treebait very much. Do you honestly think that you could tear your daughter's life to shreds because you are uncomfortable with your wife? I know you are thinking you don't have to make that choice because you love your wife, but lots of people thought they loved their wives at one time, or why else did they marry them. People change, situations change, and then you are stuck with choosing between your comfort level and your daughters. Whose would you choose?”

“Hyway, as a child in a very abusive family, I often heard my parents drunken arguments in the middle of the night. Inevitably they would decide to stay together "for the kids". Even at that young age, I wished fervently for a divorce or something to get me away from this. Same was true of my marriage (save the drunken arguments), but I was able to understand that divorce is often best for the kids. They may know a lot more about the status quo than you give them credit for and are actually putting up a brave front for the sake of you and your wife (in other words, the children are taking care of the parents). Nonetheless, I am a big advocate of people continuing in their misery as long as they need to. I wish the best for you.
last edited: 3/07/07 10:01:22 AM”

“Dude, I said as long as I think my kids are better off with us being married I am not going to be the one to end the marriage. Trust me, I am actively seeking any sign that they are being hurt by our relationship. There is no abuse in our relationship. We never have screaming fights. There might be the occasional yell as the door gets slammed in the others face, but that rarely happens any more either. My kids have friends who have divorced parents. They know what it is.

My big concern is that my kids might not ever learn what a real loving relationship should look like.
last edited: 3/07/07 10:15:28 AM”

“Everyone makes their own decisions... and chooses their own hell... and rationalizes it.

To be blunt, I am just wondering about Pamela's marriage. I don't know Pamela, just see what she posts here. Which leaves me feeling bad. Ruby asked a good question about the relationship on another thread (the dating thread??).

I hate to be that blunt, but Pamela has trotted out her marriage problems and then started a thread, "Marriage is not for sissies!" which in my mind means you better be prepared to take some comments on it.

I just don't want all you folks to think I'm dissing all of your marriages, so I'm clarifying.

Pamela, I don't know you, but you seem like a cool gal. I'd like to see what's best for you and the kids -- which seems like getting out, at least from what you've posted and what I and everyone else has read. I wish you could read your posts with the eyes of an impartial outsider... and then see what you'd think.

Peace.
last edited: 3/07/07 10:18:26 AM”

“My comfort level includes the happiness of my daughter, my wife and myself. I constantly re-evaluate everything I do and the contingencies attached to those key metrics. My decisions are all based on the value propositions they deliver.

Asking what I would choose is impossible for me to truthfully answer. Obviously my initial response to that is that I would choose her happiness but as you are well aware there are many many factors that intersect with such a momentous decision.

You have had to make these decisions. I have not. All I have to work on is my theoretical mental model and that tells me that for me to stay in some situations that I would call a "bad marriage" (that alone is a very subjective term) is stupid.

We all make the best decisions we can with the information at hand.
last edited: 3/07/07 10:17:57 AM”

“"My big concern is that my kids might not ever learn what a real loving relationship should look like."

That was a huge issue for me, too. Staying and leaving both seemed like bad examples for the children, but the question you pose ended up being the tie-breaker for me. I don't want my children to go dating abusive people and think that is normal and acceptable. Nor do I want them to be abusive and think someone else should just put up with it. Nor do I want them thinking conflicts can't get resolved, or thinking that apologies are unnecessary, or ... on and on.”

“It's all modeled behavior. They (kids) don't learn so much by what you say as by what they see you doing.”

“My big concern is that my kids might not ever learn what a real loving relationship should look like.
last edited: 3/07/07 10:15:28 AM”
hyway


Hyway, from everything you've said here, that's not what they're seeing now. You TOLERATE each other, from the sound of it.”

“Treebait, I think that is exactly his point -- that is a big concern with staying, since his children are not seeing a loving relationship now.”

“In any event. Best of luck to all of you.
I hate to see people not be as happy as they deserve to be.”

“Lizs, you came across clear. I think maybe your post is just one that needs to be read slowly, lol.

The bottom line is that until each of us is in the position of others we can't judge their choices. It's too easy to say "I'd never do that" but you never know until you land in someone else's shoes. And here's hoping you stay in your own!”

“The reason those hints don't work is because after the second or third time the possible surprise doesn't materialize the man knows better.”

“The best thing you can do in a divorce situation is continue to do whats best for the kids. Too many times divorces get ugly. If the adults can act like adults and make every decision the best they can for the kids, and leave out the bickering and name calling and he said, she said crap. The kids will adjust amazingly well. It is much better for children to see 2 happy parents then 2 miserable ones. All kids want their parents together..yelling, screaming or even the intolerable silence included. But they adjust as well as the adults adjust. If we can be the grown-ups and show them how to be happy, they will be happy as well.”

“Well said, Nurse Goodbody.”

“I stayed in a bad relationship once.............Once! Luckily we weren't married but it was 4 years, 3 living together. Then for 5 years i was on the dating scene. Most relationships I had lasted weeks. None longer than 3 months. I cut my losses as soon as I saw anything might not be 100% cool. I was resigned to grow old alone rather than be with someone who wasn't perfect for me. Where I would have to rationalize why I'm with that person.

I'm with hpm.”

“Nurse GB, I could have accepted what you said if you prefaced it with IMO. You could be right, but I feel the matter is entirely situational. There is no one size fits all for human beings (IMO).”

“Thanks SS...

I agree Nimble..I sort of figured everything here was someones' opinion. I don't think anyone here has the only answer to everything.. I almost put IMO..but it was more IMS..In my situation.”