Bald beavers, belly dancing frig's, tent boys, etc

“Bald beavers, belly dancing refrigerators, tent boys, yanking dangling thangs and other observances….

Once again, trail days was a smashing good time. I met many new trail talkers, some I even liked. The campsite was much better this year even though it was separated from the rest of the insanity. That still didn’t stop complete strangers from coming into camp and just start partying with us. If they had a look on their face that said ‘I’m young and stupid and I am looking to get trashed and make a fool of myself“ I would ask them if they were looking for the Rif Raf camp? Most times they were, it was only the people with the look on their face that said ‘I’m old and stupid and I am looking to get trashed and make a fool of myself“ who were looking for the Trail Talk camp. Anyhoo, our camp was the place to be anyway. I agree with everyone else who said that the main trail days fire circle wasn’t up to par and that it was much more fun to hang around our own campsite.

Anyhoo, on to the trip report. I have removed all references to illegal activity, embarrassing situations, inappropriate behavior, sexual innuendo, etc and left in only the stuff appropriate for all ages. So, the trip report.

I arrived 3 am Friday morning and left Sunday.

I hope everyone enjoyed my trip report. I’ll be posting more after the kiddies go to bed.”

“Good T.R., Hyway.”

“That sums it up!”

“The trip report:


Thursday


I took off Thursday from work, and after getting the kids sent off for school I vacuumed the den in the buff then through everything I could think of into the back of the van. Got my hair trimmed into a Monkee’s style hairdoo for Creek Dancer, then headed over the river to pick up the fairy at the doc. Oops, I meant pick up Wildbill at the ferry dock from Baldhead Island. Funny thing about Bald Head Island is that Real Bald Eagles have been spotted on them recently. (more on bald things like eagles and beavers found at trail daze later). We picked up the seafood and Wildbill’s wife then finally headed to Trail daze about 8pm that night. Well we would have been if trail daze was in Georgia. Turns out we absently started driving toward the beginning of the AT on Springer, instead. Luckily we realized our mistake before reaching I-95 and we were soon on our way again.

Around 1 am I get a call from Dub saying they are at the campsite and would stay awake till we got there. That Dub is a nice guy, now I wish I hadn’t been trashing him to everyone I know for the last few years. We get to camp at 3 am and luckily miss the drunk that had decided to attach himself to Dub, Troy and their friend Sherry (spelling ?). Since those lame campers hadn’t started a fire (so it had been raining, big deal. Whimps.) we forced them to unload all our gear for us. After a few minutes chatting we set up our tents and went to sleep. The temp was around 38 degrees.

Friday

I woke up to the sweet sounds of nature … err, I mean the sweet sounds of trail daze. People shouting Rif Raf to answering calls of Rif Raf on the other side of the woods and people slamming tree limbs on the ground and against trees. (It came to me that I have never seen an axe or saw at trail daze. I wonder if the are outlawed in Damascus). So I got up and QUIETLY made a fire. Local, the local who posts here, came by and chatted. I sat by the fire most of that morning waiting to see who else would come. JB showed up driving a pile of gear (I think there was a Subaru somewhere under it all, though). He said he had some other friends coming and that he would also have his daughters coming to. Sweet girls, they didn’t seem to be put off too much by the rest of us. Although they did camp a little bit away from us. Ewker came by later with some smoking hot young chick. I think she said her name was Creek Dancer. All I know is she really enjoyed my foot. She said they had to set up camp in the quiet area because grandpa Ewker need to get his sleep, so they didn’t camp in our area either.

Soon most people had trickled off into town or up to the venders by the main gate of the campground so I sat by the fire reading the first Harry Potter book waiting to see who else would show up. That HP book sure is a chick magnet, a couple of young things came by when they saw me reading it, but I have overdue books older than them so I sent them on their way to get ravished at the Rif Raf camp. I was babying the fire keeping to keep from burning my wood supply until the Fridge and Calm Spirit showed up saying they had a truckload of firewood and would drive it to our campsite. I tossed all the wood on the fire and waited for them. Then Dub, Troy and Sherry showed up with Dub’s Honda Element filled to the brim with firewood. When Fridge got there we unloaded the wood and set out with his truck to the huge woodpile Dub had found. With that concern taking care of the fire burned hot and bright through out the days and nights.

Soon after Spam showed up dragging some cripple behind him. Which was ok because even on crutches that cripple (Government Mule) could cook some very tasty pork. Once though I had to save my steaming oyster pot when he had the gall to fall toward it and almost spill it. Right behind Spam and the Cripple came Yerby and Teasa (I think that right, excuse me if I heard it wrong. I was spell bound by her beauty. Err, I mean your cool bikes.) Sometime during the day Gemini showed up (excuse me a moment while I relive all my Gabby fantasies ………. ) Ok, I’m back. So Gem showed up with someone else’s hair, but that’s all right, my eyes never get that high anyway. Poor gem didn’t get to stay very long. At one point some guy in a nearby camp offered me $10 if I would bring her over. I told him for $100 I would get her to streak through their camp. When I left I heard the sound of a hat being passed around the group.. Later that day Gabby got a call from home about her son and had to leave so I never got to make that $100. I hope everything worked out ok. Chili showed up with some chick calling herself Bald Beaver. I thought that was a bit brazen, but whatever. With her arrival I saw that other campsite breaking out the hat again. Hell, I put $10 in it.

Sometime during the day I went into town with Chili and Nurse Goodbody (who beat the crap out of that bald beaver chick when she saw her hanging off of Chili). Maybe I am getting jaded, but the first time I ever went to Trail Daze I was like a kid in Santa Land surrounded by all that gear. After 4 years it was like. “Hhmmm, yep there’s another hammock.” Anyhoo, we headed back to camp and Wildbill and I fired up some oysters and shrimp. Sometime during the night Jerbear, another smoking hot TT babe and a dangly thing yanking Stomper showed up. Ewker showed up with his jailbait again and we all sat around the fire. I spent most of the night in quiet self-contemplation while everyone else got drunk and made asses of themselves. From time to time I would get up to slave in the kitchen cooking up shrimp, oysters, clams, and snow crab legs. Spam played his guitar, we sang kumbaya, present and past thruhikers came by to visit. Many of them were friends of Wildbill who thruhiked last year. Spam and the cripple cooked up a couple pork butts that were to die for. (seriously, I killed a few people who tried to eat the last few bites before I could. I threw their bodies into the dead pile that was collecting in the back of the Rif Raf camp))

At some point in the night, a poor young innocent attached himself to our group. He was so smashed and lost that if he fell out of his chair he probably wouldn’t have been able to find the ground. He went to take a piss one and I think he must have passed out standing up, because he didn’t move for 20 minutes. Then he came back to camp with a a huge cup of Bar B Q sauce for the pig and commenced to drink it all down. Later that night Chili and Dub took their chance to lead the poor lamb off to bed and strip him of his innocence. They came back with very big grins of their faces and checking off the “Try homosexual sex” box on their life lists. The party raged on. I’ll let others fill you in on the details, because I was busy reading my bible on the quiet side of the fire ring. Sometime during the night Rocksee and Firebeaver showed up. Once again the other campsite started turning out their pockets. I'm telling you TT rules with the beautiful women. We could have got filty rich if the temps were cooler and the women agreed to the whole streaking thing. firsdt thing though was that I told Firebeaver that I had heard about her and that hse better leave my fire alone. grrrrrrrr, circling the wood pile we stared each other down seeking dominance. Once again, the male won out.

Later that night after everyone else had gone to bed, after cleaning up the campsite and safeing up the fire I went to get my tooth brush from my tent. I reached in to get it and I heard a rustling noise from my sleeping bag. I flicked on my headlight and some young dudes face appears in its beam. Fast asleep in my sleeping bag! WTF!!!! So I did what everyone would do (no I didn’t have my way with him dud, that’s what you would do, not everyone else) I picked up my tootbrush, stepped back and brushed my teeth while I thought about the situation. Wildbill’s wife, Billie, had been worrying about him all night because she has a friend whose son froze to death a few months back. I was thinking that if I kicked him out and he froze to death, she would really be pissed at me. And so, though I do believe the gene pool needs a good cleaning every once in a while, I elected not to let him freeze to death. So I woke him up, told him to get the fu,, errr heck out of my tent and helped him find his tent. Then I went back to mine, checked inside my bag to be sure their weren’t in Bar B Q sauce squirts in it and went to sleep.

That ends Friday night. I’ll write more later unless I am paid a sufficient amount of cash not to. Say $100 and a plane ticket to Gabby’s house.
last edited: 5/21/07 10:49:00 AM”

“I suck at writing trip reports.”

“you're hitting the high points, that is what is important...grandpa eh...well at least I had a young woman with me :)
last edited: 5/21/07 12:50:31 PM”

“Great trip report hyway. You crack me up!”

“LOL, great TR hyway! I wish I could've stayed for the real party!! I always miss the good stuff.”

“Any other granparents there?

(ha ha, Gem?)”

“If she had stayed a little longer I was hoping to help become a mom again.”

“Ooooooo, there was some rascally dudes there!”

“good TR Hyway..Your such a sweet innocent lad...good thing you were there to keep everyone straight and get that poor boy back into bed...”

“Gee whiz!!!!!
That was some report and I think I gotta hangover now myself!! Strangers in your bag!!! Kinda Reminds me of Civil War Reenacting, one of the reasons I gave it up!!!
Thanks for the TR.
See ya later.
Randall”

“Dang it all anyway, I have GOT to move back east. Ya'll are having all that fun without me.”

“hey - that is a bit of bull Pammie - what about the ADZPCTKO party errr event - you've been to that - right?”

“Now THAT is a real trail report! You missed your calling, hyway...you are an excellant reporter...you hit all the facts, exaggerated nothing, showed great fortitude and impressed me with your obvious compassion...I look forward to reading the rest...thank you...”

“A few items I forgot to mention that happened Friday night. At some point during the night Ewker was walking past stomper with his thing dangling between his legs and stomper reached up and gave it a firm tug. Needless to say Ewker went weak in the knees. He got very excited, but when stomper refused to acknowledge the truth of her act, he turned to me and commented on the firmness of my wood.

Saturday

I woke early to the sound of my alarm clock buzzing, but remembered I was in the woods and didn’t have an alarm clock with me. Looking up I saw my head spinning around in the top of the tent and that sound was my ears ringing. So I answered it, found no one home. Hung up, put my head back on and slipped out of my tent. Cripple and Spam were already awake and had a pot of coffee brewed. I told them I didn’t want that crappy stuff so I went and got me a mountain dew and beef jerky for breakfast. Now there’s a great breakfast. Spam already had the fire going so I plopped down in a chair and let the morning come to me. I think Yerby and goddess, err, I mean teasa, went for a bike ride on the Creeper Trail. Chili and Bearded Clam got up a little later. Sherry went on the GoLite sponsored hike. Troy hung around the camp, Dub got up around noon. The Fridge and Calm Spirit showed up carrying a cooler full of sausage biscuits. Wildbill and Billie got up some time before then. Wildbill looked tired and the dog they brought was walking funny (you do the math). Billie told us that after they went to bed and Wildbill was asleep, she heard the sound of a zipper opening, and knowing that I was still wake, she got very excited. But her hopes was dashed when she discovered it was just Dub and Chili looking for an empty tent so they could take advantage of a young drunk boy. Firebeaver got up and took over the fire duties (she did ok for a girl, but come on, fire tending is a man thing ;)) Rocksee got up around the crack of brunch looking all chipper.

About the boy we nicknamed, Hyway’s Biotch (take out the o). Well he left his hat in my tent. Some weird looking grandfathering thing. I think Ewker gave it to him. Anyway, I decided I would wear it because I knew he would never remember anything of the previous night, but he would recognize his hat. Chili, Beaver Clam, and I left to go to town and we saw my Biotch coming toward us with two of his friends. When he saw ‘my’ hat you could see the alcohol-induced fog slowly leave his brain. His eyes began to light up like they were on a slow dimmer. He pointed to the hat and asked me where I got it. So in my sweetest voice I told him that when I went to bed last night I found this sweet young thing in my tent. And that he was so warm that I decided to just snuggle with him all night. The look on his face was priceless. His two friends looked at me, looked at him, then at each other in growing concern. I then told him something like his butt was really firm and other stuff like that. He was starting to panic and I wasn’t exactly sure what his two friends were thinking. So finally I decided to give him a break and said, in a more manly joking voice, “nah, I just told you to get the hell out of my tent and helped you find yours” and then I walked away. That poor kid was the main joke of the day.

After that, we went to town, perused the venders, chit chatted with other TTers as we ran across them and signed up for different drawings from the various venders. This year the venders were really stingy. Last year you had to bring a daypack with you to haul away all the free stuff they were giving out. All I got this year was a tiny compass. Though it did look good sticking out of Gem’s back pocket when she leaned over in front of me by the fire the day before. Looking at her but was the best way to get direction that I can ever imagine. Kind of reminded me of the traildays when she said she had stuck a light stick in her butt. But I digress (hold on, my mental digression just took an interesting turn. … Let me enjoy it for a moment …. Ok, I’m back hehehe, it’s a good thing yall couldn’t see that one). Anyhoo, the venders weren’t as fun as before but Chili did win a Golite pack from the Golite drawing so he was happy. I won a water bottle … alert the media. After that we got our water guns from Chili’s jeep and went to wait by Dub’s car for the parade to start.

On the way to Dub’s car we found Carlette and her man Carl near the big gazebo where the different trail days acts perform. She was looking particularly hot in her knee brace. I noticed a tick on the back of her neck and as my hands were full, I had to use my lips to remove it from her. Sorry Carl, I gotta do what I gotta do to take care of my fellow TTers. It was an act of compassion. So at the parade area we congregated with Dub, Troy, Sherry, Chilly, Beaver Clam, Carlette, Carl, Billie (Wildbill was hiking in the parade with the other thruhikers) and I am not sure who else. I love this parade once they get the marching bands, politicians, firetrucks, rescue squads, etc out of the way. Well, I didn’t mind the beauty pageant winners, but they would have looked a whole lot better if people had been squirting them with their water guns the whole time ;). (Can you say wet evening dress competition). The point of this whole parade is that all the current and past thruhikers present would hike down the middle of the street. They would have water guns, balloons, some had water canons lol, and shoot the people in the crowd who had water guns, balloons, etc and were shooting back. It’s great fun, especially if you love getting wet. (and boy do these TT women love getting wet). After the parade we went back to camp and restarted the fire and cooked up another batch of seafood.

We spent the afternoon in quiet contemplation and idle chat while we ate. People came and went, we cooked more seafood. I believe a beer or two might have been sipped. Then around 6 pm we went up to front part of the campground for the Backpacker Giveaway where a dude named Colo arudo, colo arodo, or colo arado, wait I got it, Colorado won a pack. (you had to have been there, that poor girl was so embarrassed, but she was smoking hot so no one cared if she couldn’t read.  ). Anyway, JB won a pack filled with goodies and the Cripple won a pack filled with goodies. I know everyone is waiting on pensies and needles to find out what I got. I got a water bottle that bounced off dubs shaved head when it was thrown into the crowd. After that it was back to the campsite for more bible study and seafood.

That’s it for Saturday day. I’ll post about the evening when I have more time. (BTW, if this reads like crap its because I am a crappy writer and don’t feel like proof reading at the moment. Take what you can get)
last edited: 5/21/07 4:03:33 PM”

“Man --- That guy is a Typin' Fool!

It's going to take an hour to read all that!! I'm going to be late for supper and it's all your fault ---”

“My son was sick today so I got to play hookie from work.

I did give a shorter version at the top of this thread for those who are easily offended like me. I am always considerate like that.
last edited: 5/21/07 4:19:47 PM”

“hyway, have you ever tried writing a novel? You have a talent for fiction.”

“hyway - Nice trip report! Thanks.”

“waiting for the next chapter!”

“I hope you had fire buckets handy in case any of those smoking hot women spontaneously combusted!”

“Okay...3 threads for one trip...stop that crap!”

““hyway, have you ever tried writing a novel? You have a talent for fiction.”
dayhiker
5:24:46 PM
5/21/07

Funny you should ask ;)
http://www.lulu.com/content/686760

http://www.thebackpacker.com/trailtalk/thread/47405,-1.php


Gabby, one was a pre-thread, the other was a during thread, this one is a post thread.

Tilt, the fire department set up close to our camp. The firefighting planes were a bit much, but I understand their concern.”

“You wrote a book? I had no idea. Say, who was the 2nd person to post on that thread anyhow?”

“;) I know, thanks for the plug. I was wondering how I was ever going to bring that one back up.”

“hmm sounds like i bail, and the Army of Waterslingers dies. I had such grand plans! Trail day domination even”

“No one speaks up to defend my honor. :(”

“offer honor offer honor ofher honher off her on her all night long. Come on someone help the poor girl out of her honor.”

“Also heard around the fire:

Ewker: I like your wood, hyway.

Hyway: Yeah, it's hard, isn't it?”

“Thats a perfectly natural thing for one man to admire another man's wood. You make it sound so dirty.”

“








last edited: 5/21/07 7:45:48 PM”

“LOL, you got the pic of me and Chili leading Hyways Biotch to Hyways tent so Hyway could take his virginity and make him a man...er gay man?”

“Nice hat.”

“The best part was Hyway screaming, "There's a dude in my tent!!" It just adds to the hilarity that the dude climbed in his sleeping bag and was there for several hours. We thought we were busted when Hyway disappeared to near his tent then came back to the fire circle and asked where the guy went, we thought he found out and was playing it cool and probing us for info but he had yet to find his biotch waiting snug as a bug in his tent, he told me later it was like a gift, gift wrapped for him on Christmas day.”

“Dub, you laid him in my tent. who's the gay boy now?


BTW, I never screamed anything (he did , hehehehe) I just told him to get out and walked him to the rif raf camp. This is all funny enough without making stuff up. You gotta learn to twist the truth so that what you say is absolutely true and absolutely false simultaneously. Come back when you get out of training school.
last edited: 5/21/07 8:09:20 PM”

“I love this stuff..............I am laughing so loud I can hardly type this ............I had the best time with the best of Trail Talkers this year.Thanks too all of you who made this weekend a wonderful Trail days event...”

“Great pics Ewker. I also love a good story hyway. you will be able to tell your grandkids about your "tent mate"!”

“I'll never forget that dude's face when he recognized his hat and I told him I snuggled with its owner all night ... Or what about when he came back saturday night and I asked him if he had seen what I painted on his ass. whoops, I haven't gotten to Saturday night yet. maybe in a bit I'll type that up.”

“You guys are all a bunch of homos!! I was at trail days. Thats ME is those #&%!$ing pictures! That guy hyway took advantage of me! All I know is I got wasted Friday night, passed out, and woke up smelling like dead fish and vinegar, my drawers were on backwards and my hat and money was gone!! you guys are all freaks and weirdos and I am gonna find that hyway dude and let him know how he screwed up my life!!”

“that wasn't the only thing I screwed, Zack.”

“yeah well I KNOW that. you FREAK!!!”

“you must work out.”

“well i dont think you do!!”

“dude where do you get off doing what you did to me?”

“all over your back”

“hey zack - welcome to TT - even if you are a troll you are displaying the right spirit”

“ROFLMAO!”