Stupid Questions - Expected Answers

“I am not sure what brought this incident to mind but I still find it very puzzling. Back in my "long haired hippie days" we owned an old beat up 1968 Pontiac Catalina Station Wagon. The thing was a barge. It was painted in the ugly puke green/white primer two tone paint job so popular with the junk car set.

My wife and I were coming back from a trip to Maryland and heading for Connecticut where we lived. The obvious route was through New Jersey. Having very little money, especially in ready cash we chose the freeway the runs alongside the NJ Turnpike.

We pulled out of the rest stop just across the state line into NJ and were immediately pulled over by a State Trooper. He gave the car the once over, did the usual registration stuff and then asked "Why are you taking this road?" To which I replied, "It's free. The turnpike is not." His response left me dumbfounded, "I hear that a lot."

Well DUH!!!!!

I know what he was expecting. He was expecting a purple haze to come rolling out of the car when he stopped it. Little did he realize that was simply windows that had never been cleaned in the 15 years the car the car had existed. His expression of disappointment was almost palpable.

I still chuckle over that question, although at the time I was quite frustrated.”

“I'd have been frustrated too if there was no purple haze rolling out my window.”

“Yes, we lived such a deprived existence. Still do for that matter.”

“Do you remember when they made steel beer cans? They were durable. I had a '67 Chevy with a broken tailpipe. I splinted it together with a beer can and two hose clamps. It worked!”

“hehehe...

The Catalina had a big pointy thing on the front. I had a bump that bent that in a little so the safty latch on the hood didn't work right. In order to unlatch it I had to drill a hole in the hood and move the latch with a screw driver. I then tied a heavy string to the latch and ran the string off to the side. I would pop the main latch, pull and string to open the hood.

Drove the service station guys bonkers. I would have to get out and open for the hood because they could never figure it out. Then I plugged the hole I drilled with a rubber bushing gasket that had a bolt running through the middle as an expander to make sure the hole did not rust out. The car became known as the one with a zit on its nose.”

“Ah, the good old days..............when one could work on one's car.

They were junk and you had to work on them all the time to keep them running.”

“Yeah, now they're junk and you have to pay someone else all the time to keep them running.”

“That was a sweet car to work on. You could have held a TT Drunk=ferst in the engine compartment there was so much room. With the things now you have to take the engine out to change the oil filter. If you can find it.”

“HEY REV! HOLY CRAP! I think my sister may have owned that exact car! It was a POS when she got it in about 94 or maybe 95. Her then hubby yanked the motor and put it in his 70 GTO Judge. Did yours have a 400 pontiac in it?”

“one sure way to tell... Did the front right fender have a big hole in the top covered by duct tape painted with primer? We had a cadillac sit on the fender one time. Trashed the caddie's front end, but just punched a hole in the fender of our car. Some guy from the projects was driving his uncle's car without the Uncle's permission, without a valid registration, without a valid driver's license, without insurance and under the influence. He blamed my wife for being in his way. hehehe.”

“I don't miss carburetors and mechanical ignition timing.
Modern car repair is best left to real mechanics.
Thank Dog for modern cars.


I did "enjoy" doing maintenance on my "old school" motorcycles.”

“tell me truth... did anyone really understand "dwell" readings?”

“I guess it wasn't the exact car, but I know exactly what you are talking about because she had one nearly identical. Color and all. LOL! The land yacht.”

“When I was growing up my father had a rusted up 1968 International pickup. The thing was a beast, 18” rims, 9’ box. He kept the truck for taking garbage to the dump and for plowing the driveway. One day he had to go into town for something that he needed the truck for. He was in the middle of putting the plow frame on the truck, so he had removed the front bumper to do so. As luck would have it he got pulled over on his way home. The cop looked at him and asked where was the front license plate? My father told him it was on the front bumper. The cop then asked, “Well where is the front bumper?” To which my father replied, “it’s in the back.” The cop at this point couldn’t keep a straight face and let my father go.”

“I'm not sure about "dwell", but on the road we could get them running pretty dang right with a feeler gauge and a test light to see when the points opened up.
We got the feel for it and would make corrections if the power was a little off.

That was a long time ago and far, far away.”

“When stationed at the Coast Guard Academy in '71, our ambulance was a '68 International Travelall. What an absolute beast.”

“My first car was a 1969 Mustang Grande with a 360 Cleveland. Army surplus green with a black vinyl roof! Paid $850 for it in 1979. My brother was ticked because he was driving a yellow POS Ford Pinto. Remember those? They used to catch on fire.”

“just unplug the cylinder, and remove the plug to vent it....

Modern cars are why I keep my trailhead car, a 1989 LeBaron J body.....4 plugs and a carb......I'd drive it Kalifornia and back without worry, but it looks like heck...the clearcoat is peeling badly right now.

bought for $500.00 three years ago, and runs like new with 200,000 plus miles (Had 64,000 when I bought it).

do the maintenance and they'll run near forever.....”

“I particularly loved hard-starting junkers from the '60s-'70s.

Some of the stepvans I drove for a bakery were real gems.
On cold mornings ya had to jump up and down on the accelerator....pump-pump-pump....
Almost got it!
Vrroom-vrrooom...................dead
More jumping up and down.....more vroom-vroom...........mo' dead.

Fuel injection rocks!!”

“..... bad title for this thread... shoulda called it:

"An Old Fart's Stroll Down Memory Lane"”

“On cold mornings ya had to jump up and down on the accelerator....pump-pump-pump....
Almost got it!
Vrroom-vrrooom...................dead
More jumping up and down.....more vroom-vroom...........mo' dead.


And then it floods... \o/ ...ARG.. The battery goes dead trying to unflood the chambers. Oh the joys....”

“Ah... the 1980 VW Rabbit with the doors that tried to fall off after just two years.... talk about a rolling tunacan!

The front licence plate story reminds me of flying around the Beltway in '95.  The Friendly Fuzz was in the left emergency lane with the radar gun.  They must have been targeting the front plates because they didn't come after me... No front plates on Georgia vehicles!  I just smiled as I blew by them.”

“Oh man, rolling a loaded stepvan and jump-starting it was soooooo much fun.

At least it was easy to jump in once ya got it rolling with the sliding door open.

Who could forget FLOODING?
Some of the trucks were flooders and you had to know to just open the throttle and hold it open rather than stomp the crap outta the accelerator.

Oh yeah..........cussing to the rhythm of the accelerator-stomping was key.
last edited: 8/03/07 9:15:59 AM”

“Dang, LZ! What a truck.”

“Some of the stepvans I drove for a bakery were real gems.
On cold mornings ya had to jump up and down on the accelerator....pump-pump-pump....
Almost got it!
Vrroom-vrrooom...................dead
More jumping up and down.....more vroom-vroom...........mo' dead.

Fuel injection rocks!!”
MarkO
9:54:04 AM
8/03/07

Sounds like the welding truck I used to have to drive when I worked for the paper mill. The thing was always a joy to start. Pump the gas, step on the clutch, turn the key, and keep pumping the gas until it caught all while rolling down a hill backwards because the parking break didn't work. Had to love that 6 cylinder 454 when it loaded up going up a hill and you had to back all the way down and gun it to try make it up on the second try.”

“ALWAYS ALWAYS park headed downhill. And if you can't find a hill... make one. If you are driving a auto-tranny you are SOL. Never pull into a parking space. That just means any momentum you get moving is lost when you have to stop backing up.... cause it is wicked hard to pop a car in reverse.”

““Dang, LZ! What a truck.”
treebait
10:19:41 AM
8/03/07

As beat up and rusted as the thing was, it always started even if it was -10 out and it hadn't been run in months. The only time it failed to start was the day my father sold it.”

“Dat's right, Rev!!

In reverse you only have one high-ratio gear.

Second or third make jumping a breeze.”

“The problem was the truck didn't have enough power to make it up the hill in reverse.”

“My stupid question is: Why didn't you clean your windows?”

“OMG, you people are old!”

“not me”

“Consider the alternative ---”

“Young?”

“



XIX


she being Brand

-new;and you
know consequently a
little stiff i was
careful of her and(having

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.

K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

up,slipped the
clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she
kicked what
the hell)next
minute i was back in neutral tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg. ing(my

lev-er Right-
oh and her gears being in
A 1 shape passed
from low through
second-in-to-high like
greasedlightning)just as we turned the corner of Divinity

avenue i touched the accelerator and give

her the juice,good

(it

was the first ride and believe i we was
happy to see how nice she acted right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Public
Gardens i slammed on

the
internalexpanding
&
externalcontracting
brakes Bothatonce and

brought allofher tremB
-ling
to a:dead.

stand-
;Still)



e.e. cummings



”

“life eternal on a gold plated trail?”

“Lousy traction ---”

“My favorite "trail car" was a early 70s Chevy Blazer a friend had in college. HE bought it for 1500 Freshman year (kept it off campus) by the end of four years it was rusted out, the roof had been cut off and replaced with Canvas (long night spent with Jack and Jim if you get my drift) and he slod it for....$2,000.

But by far the best trail car is...the other guy's”

“cleaning windows is a complete total waste of time. They just get dirty again”

“1963 Ford Fairlane with 6 cyl was my first car and I didn't get it till 1974. 11 years old when it was 'new' to me. Drove it another 7 years.
Loved that old car.”

“1976 Pontiac Ventura II Hatchback.....”

“1962 plymouth valiant convertible. It was the only one I ever saw, and it was a real POS. Slant 6 that flooded easily, needed a ring job as it left blue smoke trails going down the road, no muffler, rear window gone. I would park on a slope when possible to get it cranked. Wish I had it now!”

“cleaning windows is a complete total waste of time. They just get dirty again”
Ramblinrev
12:03:10 PM
8/03/07

Same with my underwear.....”

“Well... dirty windows won't give you monkey butt... dirty underwear can.”

“cleaning windows is a complete total waste of time. They just get dirty again”
Ramblinrev
12:03:10 PM
8/03/07

Same with my underwear.....”
SuperTroll
5:42:27 PM
8/03/07

Yea, no point in washing, changing underwear, eating or breathing. Ya just have to do it again.”

“Yea, no point in washing, changing underwear, eating or breathing. Ya just have to do it again.”
bacpac
6:29:50 AM
8/04/07

I am so disappointed. He forgot - flush the toilet, wash the dishes (not the same as eating), open (or close) doors, and so many other things. Some people are just such literalists.”

“Mr. Pac appears pretty much anti-fun.”

“I use to own a 1960 Studabaker Lark IV and would you beleive it got stolen while broken down on I-40 in Waynesville,NC”

“My first boyfriend had a 68 catalina! That thing was a rocket! Not as good as Birch's Olds Delta 88 though. The boyfriend used to rear end his friends just hard enough to leave a small round dent in their car, with that point. A testiment to how durable the catalina was, never did that point dent in, just the newer cars.”

“i visited a friend about 10 years ago and he offered me a beer. bill didn't drink and was opposed to the vice so i was shocked that he had beer in his house. i asked about this and he said that he kept a few cans in the fridge for when friends came over that did drink. it was very hospitable, but that was bill for you. a great guy. so i accepted his offer and he said it wasn't good beer... miller light... to which i said this did't matter and thanked him. he went and got the beer and when i got it something seemed wrong. first, the paint on the can didn't look right... something about the graphics. also, the can seemed faded. then i looked at the top and noticed the curch key. "how long has this been in your fridge?" i asked. he didn't know but it was a long time (indeed!) well, i still didn't want to be the bad guest so i pulled off the tab... dropped it back in the can because that was what i recall you did with the key... proper protocol and all... and took a swig. UGH! BLECH! i kept a straight face and said i think the beer had "gone bad". another friend that was with me visiting bill asked to take a taste, and i gladly passed the can on (politely). he took a swig, looked at me, and said, "nope, jim, this is what miller light tastes like." he finished the beer and i'll never know if it really was bad or if that's what miller light tastes like. my friend was a heavy smoker (a smoker of many and any thing.) i'll always remember that can of beer and the hospitality of my good friend. i don't know why this thread made me think of this story, but there it is.”