Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

“Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the hose clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter”

“What a dumb-ass. He didn't even consider that it might have just been out of gas....”

“or maybe someone peed in the tank..”

“At least he didn't go off on some looney tangent and talk about her relationship problems. Some people would have gone there, and would have failed to address the real issue.”

“well, the husband is totally in the wrong here. I can't believe that you people are ignoring this. He needs to spend some time maintaining his vehicles before indulging into more passionate endeavors, like watching tv.”

“The woman should buy her cars from those recommended by Consumer Reports Magazine, and none of her problems would have happened.”

“shoulda bought a truck”

“those that can not take advise should not dispense it.”

“Although we haven't had to use it much, OnStar is great. You can get a diagnosis of what is wrong from the OnStar Advisor along with other help. You can also call from your car if you don't have a cell phone. You can add your car to your cell phone package if you use Verizon. I seriously doubt I would buy a new car without OnStar.”

“At the risk of starting some kind of war about which brand of car is best, which I don't want to do... Someone please explain to me why GM is the only one doing this. Seems like a great feature. I don't have a car with it now, but my next one probably will have it.”

“onstar is freaky, i wouldn't like it if someone always knew where i was. "big brother is watching you!"”

“Someone please explain to me why GM is the only one doing this

maybe theres some kind of exclusivity deal?”

“Pamela, where are you going that you don't want anybody to know about? :)

My kids hate that question.”

“no where of course, it's just freaky anyway.”

“It would appear from the their website that On*Star is a GM division along the same lines as GMAC is a GM division. That would explain the exclusive availability of the program on GM.”

“I bought a used Suburu Outback and it has an On*Star button. I don't subscribe to the service though.”

“Yeah, but GM created OnStar (or someone did it on their behalf. Couldn't Ford or Toyota create their own version of it. Or is there something patented about it?”