Life in Nimblefoot's Wisconsin

“It's different this far north, a culture unlike any other except, perhaps, parts of Michigan, Minnesota and Alaska. I left for about 40 years, knowing I weould eventually return if for no other reason than the unique and colorful characters that abound. I think the time is right to share a few anecdotes with those of you posessing a generous sense of humor and strong stomachs. Anything I write will be true...mostly.”

“Let em' rip!”

“after staying in Crivitz there isn't much you can say that would surprise me.”

“can't wait...i think”

“The first character is a couple years younger than me and I've known him for about 57 years. Gary broke his neck in a drinking and driving accident in 1968 and has ben on social security disability every since. Despite his physical limitations he still cuts wood for a living and, when the spirit moves him, is capable of a good days work. Last summer he developed a hernia and had to go to the doctor. We were discussing this one the phone one day, him complaining that, since he had an appointment with his doctor, he had to take a bath and just had one eight days ago. And, he added, "they're not even going to check me down there." Grossed out yet?

The funny part is that he recently developed an inner ear infection (my diagnosis), with the subsequent loss of balance, etc and made another appointment with the doctor. As I spoke to him this afternoon, he complained that the doctor had cancelled his appointment three days in a row and that he had been forced to take three completely needless baths. Since his frequency rate a bath every two weeks, he would seem good until early 2008. Ican't believe this stuff is true.”

“A few years ago, my car broke down in Crivitz....


...think ya can scare ME? ;-)”

“I steal Christmas in Wisconsin too!

um, but not at Gary's house.”

“Crivitz - just north of Beaver ... 'nuf said”

“Thanks, I had it stuffed”

“I have no problems believing that...they are called "bachelor farmers" on Prairie Home Companion...they do not have to be farmers but they do have to take baths irregularly....more stories, please...”

“Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.

You define the seasons as July, August, and winter.

You leave your snow tires on your car all year long.

You know people who have had two car deer collisions in the same day.

You refer to the Packers as "we."

You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

You know what a FIB is.

You know what cow-tipping is.

Down South to you means Chicago.

A brat is something you eat.

You know that Eau Claire is not something you eat.

You have no problem spelling Milwaukee.

You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

You can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.

You go out for fish fry every Friday.

You know how to polka.

You drink soda and refer to your dad as "pop."

You dress in blue jeans & a baseball cap to go to a wedding.

You were unaware there is a legal drinking age.

Your 4th of July Family Picnic had frost one year.

You know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.”

“I have a court reporter friend who works in DC at the House of Representatives. However, he hailes from Wisconsin. He tells the story of when he was going through the interview process for his job in Congress he was asked if he had ever been arrested. He said, yes. For what? Drunk diving. When they pressed him on it, he explained that it happened in Wisconsin, a state in which a DUI is simply a traffic offense and not a crime. They said, good enough for us, and hired him.”

“Hey, these are my neighbors you're talking about! : )

I hail from "down south" so I'm ok!”

“Yep. Thanks prosecutor and Ruby for telling it like it really is. It's all true. You have to have lived there. And, if you have, then you love it. I would love to be back in Eagle River, or even, Junction City! Twin Lakes, Menominee or anywhere in the state would make me happy.”

“Nice list, Pros, but only half a dozen or so of those apply to me, so I may have to leave the state:)

Ruby, on the job interview/dui situation, that must have happened some time ago. There's no more of the trooper deciding who the most sober teenager is in a car load of drunken young people and making them the designated driver. On the other hand, I know several people with half a dozen dui convictions and have never done significant jail time. They should be locked up.

My Aunt Ione, on my mothers side (but NOT by blood) received one of the first pace makers in the state back in the 1950's. As part of her post op course, she was strongly advised to mend her ways and spend a little less time in the bars. When the undertaker would see her in the bar, he'd sneak up behind her, whip out his tape measure and start sizing her up for a box. One day, at a grave side service following a funeral, he walked up to her, put his arm around her and whispered, "There's not really much point you going home is there, Ione"? She loved telling those stories well into her old age as her tormentor, the undertaker, lay moldering in the ground.”

“I have a friend who's Wisconsin aunt thinks cold Spam sandwiches on buttered white bread are a suitable appetizer for holidays and weddings because she cuts the crust off...”

“isnt the spam factory (or maybe its the spam museum) in wisconsin?”

“No, I live within half an hour of the Spam museum in SE MN... which is gol-durn close to some of these WI stories... and I have have some separate but equally entertaining tales from here. :-)

Hey, I learned what a "FIB" was from Prosecutor!! LOL!”

“OK, there's the old drunk guy in town who's lost his license. He drives around on a riding lawn mower instead. Come winter, he puts a heat houser on it. :-)

(And for those of you that don't know what a heat houser is, you are not from "up nort")

And we went to a neighboring town yesterday for a reception for someone moving away and saw another such guy there. No heat houser yet for him, though. He looked nearly frost-bitten.”

“Lol, some of these stories sound just like living in Michigan!

My mom remembers some of the local farmers from our area, who essentially wouldn't bathe OR wash their long johns until well after the spring thaw. Ick.”

“If you bathe while wearing your long johns does it count for both?

Lizs, we have those same dui commuters up here. Being a little more hip, we also have those who just drive their tractors. Those who are a little more fiscally conservative (broke) ride bicycles in the non-winter month. It's a dead give away when you see some guy riding a bike while wearing bib overalls.”

“That may just be worse than the yokels in Vermont where drunk driving and teen pregnancy are the top two sports.”

“new cars should come with breathalyser ignitions and condom dispensers”

“Ahhhhhhhh, I miss the great white north. Haven't been back to my home state (Minnesoooooooota) in a long time. Spent long lazy summers at the family cabin outside Ely. The mosquitos are so huge there that they became the state bird.

Looking forward to more stories Nimblefoot! If you have any stories about hard headed Swedes, I am probably related to them.”

“Got Norskies?”

“Norske's, Swedes and....smoked Swedes (half Swede and half Chippewa). Hafta see if I can remember a few...couple of beers should do the trick:)”

“Smoked Swedes! I may resemble that remark. My whole family has blue eyes and blond hair - except me. Blue eyes and dark brown hair! My Dad always said I look like "something off the reservation".”

“You act that way too;)...no offense to my Native bretheren or sisteren...or whatever.”

“LOL, maybe that's where all the strange hankerin's for nekkidness stem from. I have often wondered about myself. Hmmmmmmmm, one of my favorite movies is "Last of the Mohicans".

I think my mother and I need to have a little pow wow.”

“I know Creek Dancer and buddy, she is definely "off the reservation"!!

POW.................WOW!!
last edited: 11/29/07 12:24:26 PM”

“I can see where you might like
Daniel Day-Lewis, but any self respecting Indian would kick his white ass.

Btw, I just heard a great song on the Ojibwa station today, "Rez Car". It reminded me of many of the old clunkers of my younger years...back seat full of empty beer cans.”

“Earlier I wrote of an old friend, Gary, who broke his neck in a drunken car wreck back in '68. He's never had much money and doesn't know what to do with it when it does fall into his lap. Somewhere around Christmas, Gary won $2800 at the Hole in the Wall. He paid off a few small bills and partied away the rest, ending the month with -$280 in his checking account. He'd never had so much money and just couldn't handle managing his bank book. On the positive side, I ran into him yesterday and picked up the chain saw that he sharpened for free. He also tossed in 4 packages of venison, some of which I'll return to him as jerkey.

Earlier this morning I got my quarterly phone call from telemarketers for the St. Paul Pioneer Press. They're always trying to get me to suscribe to their newspaper. I listen patiently for that point where they finally have to inhale and then politely interject that I live so far in the boonies that no one will deliver the paper out here (true). They never believe me, so some time, just for the hell of it, I sign up. In about 6 months I get a letter from the Pioneer Press apologizing that they just can't deliver to my area and in 3 months the calls start again.

Sunday night there was a murder over in my old home town of Danbury. I don't know who or why, but it may have been a Giants fan:)

Oh yeah, in order to keep the main part of the house toasty warm, I made a temporary OSB door for the entrance between the mudroom and the kitchen. Works pretty good, too good in fact because the washing machine in the adjoining laundry room has frozen up. Looks like I'm headed for town to do laundry. Damn!”

“If its not one thing in your house it's another, eh NF? Glad I haven't had to deal with frozen appliance issues in a long time.”

“Sounds just like home, eh?”

“I have just a few things to say about the list. One, you forgot my favorite, To us Combine is a noun. Also, I have NEVER callep pop "soda". My father is dad and soda is what sissies put in good whisky, bourbon or scotch.”

“http://www.wisn.com/news/15116392/detail.html

Yep, this guy's a nut.”

“I clicked and got a blank page.”

“MILWAUKEE -- Andrew Wells may pay a heavy price for his victory in last weekend's Frozen Otter Ultra Trek: two toes.

The 27-year-old from Davenport, Iowa, was one of only two competitors to make it past the halfway point of the 64-mile race that started at noon Saturday. He spent nearly 17 hours on the Ice Age Trail in the Northern Kettle Moraine State Forest.

At one point, the temperature dropped to nearly 15 below zero.Wells was the only person to make it past the fifth check point near the 40-mile mark.

He got turned around and mistakenly returned to the finish area, where at 5 a.m. Sunday he was declared the victor for covering the longest distance: 49 miles.

"I guess it was fortunate that I went back to the finish," Wells said. "Otherwise, I would have kept going. At the 40-mile mark, I felt great."

Wells said he never noticed the frostbite set in.

"My feet were obviously frozen, so I couldn't feel them," he said. "And it was too cold to take my shoes off to check my feet. On my hands, I had mittens on, and just to take them off for 30 seconds, my hands got really cold, painful.

"I thought my toes were OK."

After finishing, he went to a friend's home in Madison and napped. He woke to intense pain in his toes. He removed his shoes and discovered a purple discoloration.

Wells, a chiropractic student, tried to warm his feet in warm water and then went to a hospital in Platteville. From there, he went to Iowa University Hospital and Clinics in Iowa City, where doctors plan to remove his big toe and the one next to it from his right foot.

He told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that surgery is scheduled for Friday.

"There's nothing I can do about it now," he said during an interview from his hospital bed. "I can live a good life without toes.

"I don't think it will slow me down. My balance might be a little bit off, but I'll still continue racing."

Competitors could navigate the trail with any non-motorized form of transportation, such as snowshoes or skis. But most, like Wells, used only shoes and socks.

He plowed through several inches of snow in running shoes, one pair of wool socks and a pair of waterproof socks.

Race director Rod McLennan competes with Wells as part of Team Fat Otter, an Illinois-based adventure racing squad. He said Wells was the only competitor injured.

But most of the 43 starters dropped out after 8 or 16 miles, and only four continued past the 32-mile mark.

"Everybody seemed to really enjoy it and called it quits at the right time and were happy they gave it a shot," McLennan said. "For the most part, they stayed pretty warm when they were moving. But they weren't able to stop or slow down."

What did Wells win? A victory package that included energy drinks, gel flasks, Moosejaw adventure gear and a subscription to Trail Runner magazine.”

“Doh! Beat me by 20 seconds!
last edited: 1/23/08 1:48:31 PM”

“Key word: Iowa, lol.”

“Hope it was worth it for the guy! Don't people without big toes have a hard time keeping balance?”

“Wait a minute, Nimblefoot. I know someone originally from Iowa. Hmm, you're right. Good point!

LOL.
last edited: 1/23/08 2:31:11 PM”

“Lizs is from Iowa:)

Rosey - you're right, losing a big toe is a big thing.”

“I just got back from a walk through the woods. It was a sunny 25 degrees; warm for this time of year and I just had to go. Although illegal, my 30-30 goes with me on most of my walks because the wolf packs are getting larger and they are getting bolder. Along the two mile route I spotted a couple of deer, a few partridge, couple of squirrels and a rabbit. About half way through a slight movement up ahead and a little to the right got my attention. I froze instantly, only moving my eyes. I heard nothing, but saw a medium sized gray wolf slowly lope away about 30 yards from me. Wolf sightings, something that's not supposed to happen, are getting more and more frequent.

Here's a story from the past:

There was a now non-existant bar nicknamed "The Bloody Bucket" because of all the bar fights that erupted there, going back to the 40's and even the 30's. A good place for underage drinking when I was a lad. An 18 joint, I believe I was about 15 when they first started serving me beer. This particular incident occurred sometime in the 80's or so I'm told. My cousin-in-law, Robert Smiley had been drinking all day with his brother Doug. Robert got into some sort of tiff with a Twin Cities guy over a game of pool. One thing led to another and soon a fight broke out. The combatants were quickly shown to the parking lot, no one going outside to watch because bar fights were not unusual in the Bucket of Blood. After about half an hour, Robert came inside bearing some marks of battle and quietly confided to Doug that he "killed the sonofa#&%!$" and stuffed his body down the outdoor craper. He didn't know what to do, so he borrowed what little money that he could get from his brother, hopped in his old beat up car and headed west.

In a couple of days Robert called Doug, saying he was in Colorado, out of money and needed some more. Doug's reply was to get his ass back home because the guy never died and crawled up through the hole, went back into the bar and drank until closing time, stinking everyone out of the joint. I've heard this from several sources and have little doubt it's true.”

“LMAO! Sounds like the corner of Michigan that I'm from!”

“Awesome story!!!”

“Like the Phoenix rising from the turds to drink again.”

“Good story! =D

I'm starting to think the wolf must be a part of your totem, you see 'em so much.”

“If I shoot 'em I tote 'em.”