Oh to be SIX again....

“To Be 6 Again...


A man was sitting on the edge of the
bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her
birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her
Birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied,
still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he
arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her
to Six Flags theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park;
the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,
everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out
of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside
down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where
he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a
soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
'Well Dear, what was it like being six again??'

Her eyes slowly opened and her
expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!'

The moral of the story: Even when a
man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.”

“Yep.”

“awww..how sweet...”

“lol!”

“not only will we not get it... we won't even get credit for trying....”

“If a man says something in the forest and a woman is not around to hear...is he still wrong?”

“Yesterday I chatted with a friend. I told my 'McDreamy' that I had nothing but bad luck all day, everything went wrong, that I was getting a cold, felt realy miserable and, to top it, just received a letter from the landlord that they're going to raise the rent.
Guess what 'McDreamy' answered: "Maybe you should buy a house"...
!?!...
Bloody hell! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A HOUSE! ALL I WANT ARE SOME KIND, SYMPATHETIC WORDS. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A HOUSE, HUH?!?”

“move to Illinois.....”

“what?!?”

“if you have a house in Illinois then your profile state of residence will be correct. Easy solution to s complex problem....”

“Sit back, relax, take your clothes off and have some wine.”

“take some photos...put em online....


Euro.... a few years ago a friend of mine was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. The doctor told him he had 6 months to live. My Friend asked,"Doc is there anything I can do to get more time?"

"Well" the doc replied," Sell everything you have divorce your family, move to Illinois and marry some white trash fat girl who never showers, has three kids by unknown fathers, move into a trailer and do odd jobs to get by."

The guy asks,"WIll that make me live longer?"

No, the doc replied...but it sure as hell will seem like a lot longer.”

“A man forgot all about his wife's birthday. She was furious and yelled, "Tomorrow when I wake up, there's better be something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 5 seconds!!!!"

Next morning she wakes up and goes out to check the driveway.
















There was a bathroom scale there.







The doctor says in 2 weeks the swells in the husband's eyes will go down.”

“I heard the funeral in tomorrow (LOL).


Euro, you gotta remember not to take the stuff too seriously, granted you have a lot more serious problems over there...but just hang in there....”

“What XL said.”

“Switzerland has serious problems??

What, like beautiful people and mountains and lakes?”

“and chocolate falling out of cabinets?”

“But the sound of all those watches ticking will drive you mad.”

“A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

The woman replied, “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”

“What happened to him?”

The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”

She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women. “Can I borrow the dog?”

The widow replied, “Get in line with the others.””

“Great Googly Moogly, maybe they have libbies over there!!”

“Are you guys pulling on my leg or what...?”

“May I?”

“You bet, you guys can drive a woman nuts.
I mean, there is a woman and, after a hard day full of misfortune, all she wants, hopes and needs is a couple of words of compassion, kindness, friendship, maybe a hug - but instead you guys offer a real estate advice?”

“Perhaps a nice version of Stormy Monday followed by some nice up-tempo bright shuffle blues would put a smile on your face and compell you to shake a tail feather and feel better.

I would give a hug but for the distance.”

“No, that's what that guy did.

We didn't do anything!”

“No, that's not what you guys did. It's just kind of funny I got advised to buy real estate.”

“Whenever you are talking to him, it's like he's agreeing to every word you utter. It was getting on my nerves a bit the other night when I was trying to share some important information when shortly after the "Yeah!" came a "wait-a-minute- what?"
Perfect example.”

“What's this "you guys" routine?   LOL”

“Don't lump me in with these fools!”

“What fools would you like to be lumped in with?”

“Now wait... she asked what she wanted with a house.... I think I answered the question rather well. Specific questions beget specific answers...”

“'I'd like to be six again',

its obviously her fault. she should have said "i'd like to be A six again"”