Strange Elevator Rides

“Well, last time I had a strange elevator ride, some dude started to "talk to god".

Today, there was a Hammond cop (on duty) who called some old lady on the elevator a nasty #&%!$ and told her to get off the elevator...

Once she was off the elevator he wanted to talk small talk. I decided to get off hte elevator a floor early.”

“wtf did she do? not that its justified but wtf?”

“she offered a bacon ring show.”

“Ok, so she didn't have any teeth and was wearing a stained sweatshirt, but she hadn't done anything to him for him to be so rude....”

“I'd a had to give him down the country.”

“what?”

“�I'd a had to give him down the country.�
GatherNoMoss
5:00:47 PM
1/17/08
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Um....someone wanna translate?”

“Translation:

Give down the country. (give someone a peice of your mind)


looks like y'all need a southern phrases dictionary. (mental note for christmas 2008)”

“so southern, thats like ebonics right?”

“not really...didn't Ebonics start on the West coast?”

“My parents are from NC and I've never heard that one.”

“what part sarge?”

“so southern, thats like ebonics right?”
Zombie Coyote
8:30:33 PM


Wow SC, in one fell swoop you just started a war.”

“Weird night ----- even for Trail Talk.”

“ok, so i got off the plane at singapore and it was very early in the morning. i took a cab to the hotel and i was totally wiped out. i checked in and went to the elevator to my floor... it was a tall building. anyway, there was this amazing beautiful woman and she was very elegantly dressed... really beautiful. now i am not a handsome man and i am married but for sure she caught my eye in more than an aesthetic sense. ok, so enough said. i was really tired and if there was a moments fantasy it was all my own (until now i guess) and momentary. she got into the elevator with me and i pressed the button to my floor, like the 33 floor... and i stepped back and asked her which floor she wanted to go to. she smiled and said 33. now i am also not bright and i smiled back and thought, "gee, what are the odds of a woman this good looking being in front of my elevator at this hour of the night -and- having her room on the same floor as mine?" so she said, "did you just arrive? how long are you going to be in singapore?" i obviously just arrived (suitcase in tow) and replied, "just got in a few hours ago but will be here all week." she said, "well, let me welcome you to singapore." she leaned in and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek... her hand went around my back and she petted the back of my head and neck. then she stepped back. ok, i was a LITTLE freaked out. then she said, "i want to be your friend while you are in singapore. would you like that?" yes, i was speechless (not a frequent occurrence) and then there was a "bing" as the elevator reached the 33rd floor. "well, i am really tired and [stepping backwards out the elevator] i think i need to call it a night [i notice my room is right down the hall from the elevator] so, uhhh, good night." she gets out of the elevator and follows down the hall... now... technically, this is where the "strange elevator story ends" but i am thinking you will want me to tell the rest of the story that took place outside the elevator. but perhaps i'll save that for another time.
last edited: 1/17/08 6:33:55 PM”

“In all seriousness, I think there are a lot of transvestites in Singapore.”

“ok, i'll add that afterwards, in my room (alone), i did finally get some sleep. my boss had told me to take melatonin to help with jetlag (i really suffered from it during my early years on global assignment). so i put a tablet under my tongue and went bed. i had the FREAKEST vivid dreams and, of course, they were of this woman and left me totally freaked out like i had been in free fall or something for 8 hours. i never, never, NEVER took melatonin again.
last edited: 1/17/08 6:38:05 PM”

“jimmy san


I had that happen to me in Atlanta last spring.


2 young african american women....girls really.


Kind of freaked me out.

I finally convinced them that I did not "want to keep the party going"”

“Jim, is htis the lady?


”

“I somehow expected more from an elevator ride thread started by Spirit. I'm a little disappointed.”

“Me love you long time.


(and don't give your camera to anyone)”

“60 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator


1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.


2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.


3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"


4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.


5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.


6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.


7. Shave.


8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"


9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.


10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.


11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.


12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"


13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.


14. One word: Flatulence!


15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.


16. Do Tai Chi exercises.


17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"


18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"


19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.


20. Meow occasionally.


21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.


22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"


23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.


24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.


25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.


26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.


27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.


28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"


29. Leave a box between the doors.


30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.


31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.


32. Start a sing-along.


33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"


34. Play the harmonica.


35. Shadow box.


36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.


37. Lean against the button panel.


38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.


39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.


40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."


41. Bring a chair along.


42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"


43. Blow spit bubbles.


44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.


45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."


46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.


47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.


48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.


49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."


50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"


51. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.


52. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"


53. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.


54. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.


55. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.


56. Make chalk drawings on the walls.


57. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"


58. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.


59. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.


60. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.”