Darwin Awards

“Eew, Manuka! Is that for real?!”

“sounds like a good case for the "Mythbusters" on Discovery Channel.”

“Or maybe not...”

“A check on Snopes -keyword 'compressor' says this 1998 darwin tale is also -false-

but it was funny in a sick kinda way”

“Who needs truth if it's dull?”

“The actual awards are funny enough.”

“Hell, it some alternate universe, it probably did happen...


...hey, maybe that's where all ULs come from, an alternate universe!

And the crap that we can't believe actually happens here are their ULs!

Somebody contact the Nobel Committee, I think I'm due...”

“I have always wanted to do this...



http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0628052zamboni1.html”

“What, get arrested for DWI?”

“for driving a zamboni....while drunk LOL”

“Can you get charged with a DWI on private property? I thought you had to be on the public road system to be charged with a DUI.”

“It might depend on the state.”

“I had a friend at McGill from Wisconsin. He was studying on the GI Bill after being medically reired from the Marines (2 tours in Viet Nam in the 3rd Reconaissance Batallion and he gets hurt in a car accident back home).

He and his brother joined the Marines to get away from their alcoholic father.

The brother, while in Germany, sees a photo of his father in a German newspaper. He was on a lawn tractor, hit the ditch and was being arrested for DWI.

Some times you just can't get far enough away.”

“"Shnot my fault occifer, ... they shoulda salted that icy street!"”

“I wanna make the darwin awards. I want to do something crazy. Something so #&%!$ing dumb no one will ever believe its true.....




not really....I'm just bored.”

“Truly a Darwin candidate”

“I thank God that criminals are DUMB AS$ES!!!”

“The following people accidentally shot themselves recently:
a Fond du Lac, Wis., man, in the abdomen, while using a screwdriver to dislodge a round from his pistol (August);
a Nacogdoches, Texas, woman, in the foot while trying to kill a snake on her property (September) (and the same woman, again trying to kill a snake, shot herself in the other foot the next day);
a Tennessee Highway Patrolman, in the leg as he holstered his pistol while chasing a fleeing suspect near Maryville (August);
a teenage boy, in the leg while fleeing after robbing a food store in New Caney, Texas (August);
a 33-year-old Milwaukee man, in the leg while fleeing after robbing a man on the street (October).
And Danny Walden, Taylorsville, Ky., was shot by the rifle he had set up in his home as a booby trap to protect his 115 marijuana plants (October).”

“Intelligent Design Awards please. There is evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe and it is his grand scheme that these people should die so that the world can be a safer, smarter place.”

“oh you mean string theory???”

“I have a home on Fond du Lac, WI. I can see that happening there. Too much polluted water from Lake Winnebago.”

“Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners.
Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.


5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)


7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.


A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.”

“Man that is old news....”

“http://www.myfoxdfw.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=3708206&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=3.1.1

They lived.”

“Darn, could've helped the gene pool by dying.”

“Your ages are showing. With these machines the operators' safety is not the issue, it's the ones who get in their way.
last edited: 7/08/07 12:22:09 PM”

“http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,23696546-5005961,00.html

The spitting contest started out innocently enough...”

“Amazing. Who knew you could die while spitting?”

“I knew you could die from spitting.”

“That spitting story is funny in a macabre sort of way....What would happen if he spitted and then fell off the balcony....would his spit hit him? Would his spit hit the ground first or him first?”