Kleetn, do you know where your squirrel is?

“Yeah ped, I did on one of the 47 other kleetn's squirrel threads.”

“Violin doesn't surf the web. He IS the web!”

“Here’s a squirrel page that’s perfect for this group!”

“

”

“Looks like the Dirty Sanchez strikes again!”

“LMFAO!!!!!!!!!

8)”

“Oh that's just wrong! LMAO!”

“That's how most of the squirrels on the University of Chicago Campus look! ;-)”

“Your Tax Dollars Help Fund Squirrel Mating Research
Personally, I think it was worth it to discover that during sex the male squirrel excretes a wax plug that obstructs the female’s vagina and prevents further mating by other males.



Sharing their nuts! Will this lead to more single-squirrel-parent families?: Squirrel Fidelity At All Time Low Note the reference to haiku in the article, if you please.”

“Thank you for that, Kleetn. Gee I miss student newspapers, don't you?”

“Holy Segue, Batman!!! With that tie-in, I am proud to post on a thread once again! I have been treading water, waiting for a great thread to (re)surface, so that I could add my vast accumulated wisdom and wit. Thankyou, Kleetn, for the masterful way in which you associated haiku with squirrels, thus beginning a new TT legend.”

“this shouldn't take too long...HEHE!! ;-) i saw that "pinball wizard" thing you posted, Dunadan, i was laughing my balls off!”

“d'oh! lyra has balls?!?!
a testicular suprise
let's not tell tarpy”

“Beckoning response
I sharpen the haiku sword
Touche, young squirrel”

“You do know that all of this haiku is making Lyra squirrelly, don't you?”

“thanks to Dunadan,
it's okay...i laughed them off.
Tarpy will be spared!”

“Egad. Haiku time?
Resistance. Futility.
What would Bacpac say?”

“Some cannot grok haiku
Squirrel ladies, however
Get straight to the point”

“"grok," he says! lovely.
take it cheezy, ya sleazies!
i'm out like O-Dog.”

“Jumping Tarpy's bones
What's gotten into Lyra?
Sinister Haiku”

“Lyra be posessed
by my homie Tarpdawg, yo?
Shiznit or bizbomb?”

“read the bottom of one of Sgt Rock's recent trip reports for a funny squirrel story : Is this Kleetn's squirrel?”

“Was the squirrel attired in proper swimming gear or skinny dipping? That will tell us whether it was Kleetn's or not.”

“Yup, I think it's Kleety's high-divin' squirrel, I tell ya!!”

“Stumpy's sad tail

Stumpy the disabled squirrel has gone missing

Machias owners put out an all-points rescue alert for lovable pet

Stumpy the squirrel had a rough start to life.

Born without his left hind foot, just one toe on another and only half a tail, he was still a baby when he tumbled out of his nest. He was scooped up and taken to an animal refuge in Snohomish. Disabled, he would never be returned to the wild.

Stumpy's luck took a turn in September when Steve and Marcia Parker, who live in rural Snohomish County, adopted him.

He was so tiny he fit in Steve Parker's shirt pocket. Every day, he played in the front yard. At night, he slept in a cage in the house. He bonded with Parker, tagging along for rides in the truck or visits to town. The affectionate squirrel with a bell on a collar around his neck charmed everyone.

"I can't tell you how much I enjoyed having him here," Parker said.

But now Stumpy is missing. He disappeared from the front yard Friday, and Parker and his wife, Marcia, are frantic.

"There's a big chunk of me that feels like it's got a hole in it," said Steve Parker, 52. "He's quite the little buddy."

Squirrels, members of the rodent family, rarely make good pets. They like to run and climb over wide areas in search of food. Their sharp teeth and claws can unintentionally hurt humans.

At a young age, the wild instinct of squirrels usually surfaces and "turns them mean, like Mother Nature kicked them in the head," explained Susan Rahn, assistant director at the Deer Creek Wild Animal Rescue, where Stumpy was first brought.

But right from the start, Rahn could tell Stumpy was different.

"He was a big, fat, sweet squirrel," Rahn said, "and he stayed that way."

Steve Parker first saw Stumpy last summer when he visited the animal rescue center to drop off a crow with a broken wing. He knew immediately he wanted to adopt the baby Eastern gray squirrel. Marcia Parker had a pet squirrel 20 years ago and was eager to get another.

They decided to name him Stumpy.

Keeping a wild animal -- even one unable to return to the wild -- is illegal under state law. But the Parkers' rural home near Machias, about halfway between Lake Stevens and Snohomish, was a certified wildlife sanctuary, allowing them to take in the squirrel.

Stumpy fit right in with the Parkers' four cats, a dog and a sulfur-crested cockatoo. He wobbled when he walked, but you couldn't tell he was missing most of his hind feet when he ran. He could jump from Marcia Parker's shoulder onto her husband's. He ate nuts, fruits and vegetables. He liked to chirp.

"I sure can't tell you what he was talking about, but he sure talked," Steve Parker said.

Steve Parker started taking Stumpy out with him. As a contractor traveling through the county, he let the squirrel ride on the dashboard with a towel underneath him. People stuck in traffic would point and wave at the tiny rodent on the dash.

He even put Stumpy on a rope leash when he was walking down the street. Sometimes, Stumpy rode on his shoulder.

"My husband literally shows him to people on the street," Marcia Parker said.

Something remarkable happens when people see Stumpy, she said. His attraction seems to cut through any hostilities or problems of the day. People just wander up and want to touch him or take a picture. And Stumpy is good about being petted: He's never bitten anyone.

"He's just this wonderful little social mechanism," Marcia Parker said.

Stumpy was allowed to roam free outside the Parkers' home. He rarely left the front yard, preferring to spend his days climbing in one particular tree.

On Friday, Steve Parker went outside to look for Stumpy. For the first time in almost a year, he wasn't there. A few hours later, they were putting up signs in their neighborhood in the area of Carlson Road near Machias. A sighting was reported the next day about two miles away at Panther Lake Estates. The Parkers rushed over, going door-to-door asking if anyone had seen the squirrel, but without any luck. Another woman said she had seen a squirrel running into the woods along a nearby road.

Stumpy probably was following a wild mandate to find a mate when he ran off, said Rahn, who works at the animal rescue. But since he was kept as a pet for so long, he could be trying to find his way home. With a bit of luck, Stumpy could survive -- if he doesn't stray into the wrong territory, she said.

The Parkers are desperate to find Stumpy. They are asking anyone who sees him to call them at 425-335-5613.

"We're very hopeful that he's out there, that he's OK," Marcia Parker said.

Steve Parker thinks he knows how Stumpy will be found.

"He's probably going to walk up to someone and scamper up their leg," he said. "That's the kind of squirrel he is."”

“He better stay the he11 out of my tomatoes!”

“I'm just thinking how cute a man in a cast and a three footed squirrel would look together.”

“Psycho would run his arse off!”

“They'd look like the Spirit of '76, LOL!”

“We'd need Cpl. Nasty with his bandaged chin to complete the set.”

“How do you come up with this shi!?

8)”

“Geobeet, I'm watching you!”

“Which one of you will be the fife player?”

“Squirrel's a survivor

By Todd C. Frankel
Herald Writer

EVERETT -- Stumpy the squirrel is back, ending 10 days of worry and waiting for the Snohomish County couple who have doted on the unusually tame missing animal.

He was found Sunday six miles from home -- quite a distance for an animal only 8 inches long. Considering his journey, Stumpy was in remarkably good condition.

It was at least the second time in Stumpy's short life that he defied the odds and caught a bit of luck. He was born without a left hind foot, only one toe on the other hind foot and half a tail. He wouldn't have survived in the wild. As a baby, he fell out of his nest and was taken to a Snohomish animal rescue, where Steve and Marcia Carter adopted him.

They named him Stumpy. For the past year, the Carters were delighted by the squirrel's kind antics. They took him everywhere. He slept in the house and played outside. Then, on Aug. 23, he disappeared from the Carters' front yard outside Machias.

Steve Carter said he felt like a part of him was missing. And with each passing day, it seemed less likely Stumpy would be found safe.

On Sunday afternoon, a woman standing outside heard the sound of a tiny bell in her yard. Ordinarily, she would've dismissed the sound as the bell on a cat's collar. But she had just read the story in Sunday's Herald about Stumpy's disappearance. The article noted that the squirrel wore a collar with a bell.

Looking a bit harder, the woman spotted Stumpy sitting in her driveway. Her husband ran and got a towel. He tried throwing it over the squirrel. But Stumpy was too quick. A neighbor came over with a fish net. They nabbed him.

They put him in a cleaned-out garbage can with a piece of wood covering the top. Then they called the Carters.

At home, all Marcia Carter heard was her husband yell excitedly into the phone, "You do!" And she knew. They rushed out the door.

Steve Carter lifted the plywood off the trashcan and looked down. Stumpy looked up. Stumpy jumped right up on Steve Carter's shoulder.

Stumpy let out a succession of squeaky barks, as if he was filling them in on his journey and complaining about it at the same time.

Steve and Marcia Carter fought back tears.

Stumpy had a scratch on his shoulder and five ticks on him. But he looked like he'd been finding enough food during his foray into the wild.

Stumpy kept on barking until he saw his cage inside the Carters' house, located halfway between Snohomish and Lake Stevens. He calmed down.

"He knew immediately he was home," said Marcia Carter, 51.

The Carters are able to keep Stumpy because their home and its several acres are a certified wildlife sanctuary. Ordinarily, keeping a wild animal -- even one unable to return to the wild -- is illegal under state law.

Squirrels are wild animals, members of the rodent family. They have sharp teeth and claws. They rarely make good pets. But Stumpy never turned wild. He stayed sweet.

Steve Carter, 52, carried Stumpy everywhere -- on his shoulder, in his shirt, on the dashboard of his red Ford F-150 pickup. They were a pair. Stumpy even rode in the truck with the Carters to Arizona for Christmas.

When Stumpy's disappearance was publicized, the Carters were overwhelmed by public support. People called to show concern and offer help. One man wanted to put up a $150 reward for Stumpy's return. Another woman, who was unemployed, offered to add $10 to the pot.

Other people called asking if the Carters could take in orphaned baby squirrels they'd found. The Carters ended up with three new squirrels, which they expect to release to the wild one day.

Stumpy's appeal could be seen in a chance encounter Tuesday on an Everett street. Steve Carter had Stumpy on his shoulder as Jasmine Williams and her two children walked by. The children stopped in their tracks and their mouths opened at the sight of the calm squirrel. Maria, 7, and Xzavier, 3, gingerly petted Stumpy. Smiles filled their faces.

Steve Carter shared the story of Stumpy's journey.

"Oh, wow, that's lucky," Jasmine Williams said. "That's a miracle, actually."

At home, Stumpy is still allowed to play outside. The Carters don't want him locked up in a cage. For now, Steve Carter closely watches Stumpy.

"I want him to be fully recouped," he said, "before I close my eyes."

They know Stumpy might want to return to the wild one day. It's in his nature.

The Carters won't stand in Stumpy's way, even if it breaks their hearts.”

“I thought Kleetn's squirrel was visiting geobeet?”

“Now, my eyes are filling with tears.”

“...just out for a hike!”

“Friday, October 18, 2002

Squirrel causes explosions at Spokane high school

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

SPOKANE -- Deputies who rushed to a suburban high school Friday when a gunshot was reported found no gunman, but they did find a smoldering squirrel.

What people thought were gunshots outside Mead High School turned out to be an exploding electrical transformer on a power pole, the Spokane County Sheriff's Office said.

A curious squirrel apparently got into the transformer, causing it to short out about 9:30 a.m.

Spokane County Deputy Ron Mulvey, one of the first officers on the scene, discovered the deceased rodent still affixed to the transformer. The squirrel was still smoldering, Mulvey reported.

The explosion cut electricity to several homes in the area, but caused no fire.

seattlepi.com”

“Shoot, all I have to do is toss a tomato up onto a transformer??? Too easy drill sergeant!”

“Hey, squirrel! Where's Kleent?”

“Hay squirrel where is your lawyer?”

“I brought what was left of my tomatoes inside to ripen in bags. Now the little b@st@rd will have to go to the supermarket to get tomatoes!”

“At least they left your beets alone!”

“Heh Heh, went down to the laundry room and Psycho was rooting around the tomato patch.

"Where'd they all go? They were here this morning? I know I saw them this morning! Am I going crazy or what?"

Stinkin thievin rodent! Have a nice winter!”