Backcountry 'roids

“I'm not talking about STERoids, mind you! I have had a red, itchy and somewhat tender abscess on my external sphincter after my return from the Andes. Any thougths? I thought it could be from the long airplane trip home, but my doctor seems to think I had a little fun with the natives (??).

I tried to pop one like a zit to see if anything would come out but it hurt too much to continue.

thoughts?????”

“Go back to your doctor! Do not pass Go! Do not collect 200$ GOOD LUCK. I'd love to hear about the Andes trip BTW. Happy and healthy trails.”

“let this thread die. please. inquiring minds do not want to know.”

“If your sphincter IS external you must have had a WILD trip, and I DON'T want to read the report!!!”

“re: Gremlin--He (el doctor) has me on some prescription ointment that must be petroleum-based 'cause it "leaks" through my dress pants and looks like I have a bladder-control problem. Nice, huh? My doc sucks. . . .
re: Lumpy--back off, buster! I am looking for some remedy here, not your wussy-stomached interjections. :)”

“Uh. . . external ANAL sphincter. It's supposed to be on the outside 'cause it's the ol 'dirt chute.'

I didn't do ANYTHING with natives--I just did some climbing. HONEST!”

“what's the first sign of aids?

a steady pounding in the ass”

“Lumpy, that's not appropriate.”

“Mr. Lump: "Oldie" is correct. I'm not gay, although I am happy most of the time.

Ever read about Raggot the Gerbil? Do a websearch--it's worth it.”

“Get a new doctor. Drop the quack ASAP.

I can't imagine how there could be any connection between your trip, your long flight, and your... condition.

There is laser treatment available.

No more self surgery, OK? The doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient.”

“Sounds like a 'roid to me. Not that I know what a 'roid looks or feels like!”

“I am tempted to post under another name, but(t)none of you know me anywho . .

I always carry a high strength cortisone ointment into the backcountry with me (i have a prescription for excezma that sometimes flares up). Something about the food, change in elevation (changes in internal gas pressure) causes me to crate significant methane disturbances. That and sweat sometimes causes my, uhhhhh butthole and adjacent cheek area to become quite irritated. The ointment reduces inflammation and helps a tremendous amount.

Now you know more than my hiking partner, let alone anyone else.”

“I need a bucket, I feel sick.”

“Is yer butt xtra stinky?

Know what?
When my butt hiney hole gets itchy, I give it licks. Did you lick yer butt hiney hole?

If that don't work, try scratching around on the rugs and grass on yer butt hiney.

Do you live by Georgia? If you live by Georgia mebbe you could come to my hous and I could give you butt hiney hole licks so yer butt hiney hole don't itch no more.

Ummmmm!
Butt hiney hole!
Gooooood times!
(o:3”

“I tried the Cortiad route--nothing but mess. After uh, "schmearing" the magic goo on the affected area, I had an itch on my arm. I scratched and *POOF* I have an itchy area there, too. Don't know if it was caused by the sphincter ooze or by the hydrocortisone. No pustules, though. . . .

This "rash" makes it hard to, er. . . wipe. So now, I have ointment ass, poopy shorts and a doctor's bill to rival my wife's gynecologist's.”

“YEah, try some butthole surfin'!”

“You prove everything I thought about Georgia. And Arkansas. I have a dog that'd like to meet you. . . .”

“Butt hiney hole surfin?!
BOL!
o-;3”

“gojo, you have issues. LOL”

“I can't believe I read this "hole" thread. Well today I am glad to report my grumpy hole is doing well. You have my sympathy and sorry, but no knowledge on the subject....THANK GOODNESS!”

“Fetch -
"thought" is the operative word.

Suffice it to say that you're more than welcome to keep yer yankee arse where it is.

Ahhh, what the hay - bring yourself on down to the "occupied" city of Atlanta. Heck, there's probably more of you Ohioans here than in Cleveland. Come to think of it, why would ANYONE wanna live in the Mistake on the Lake?!
LOL!”

“If you've got itchy spots moving to other parts of your body (arse to arm), I don't think that's 'roids. They shouldn't spread like that. Sounds to me like you got something else (sit on any 3-leaf plants?). I would definately go see a different doctor. You need a second opinion.”

“This sounds like a bad case of ape ass or monkey butt. Honestly this all stemmed from a poor wipe job most likely. Sweat generated by walking or sitting for long hrs in combinaton with farts and a poorly wipe ass will do you in all the time. I suggest wiping yourself alittle better the next time. Clean the area often, look for this stuff called A&D Oinment. Its designed for baby rashes and chaffed skin. Watch how much you put on, you need just enough to top coat the area with any ointment.

Never had the 'roids but I know all to well about monkey butt come summertime.”

“You must have a good sense of humor around here before you post something like that!!!!

Seriously:

1. You can go to lots of websites that have "chat groups" for any condition you can imagine.

2. Not that I am an expert, but I have had every gastrointestinal test know to man (sigmoidoscopy, colonoscopy, barium enema, barium swallow, endoscopy) . it sounds like you have a 'roids alright. My advice: SEE A GOOD DOCTOR. He will help you make it go away.

3. In the backcountry: High fiber diet strongly recommended.

4. You are welcome email me at prrosenkrant@csupomona.edu”

“ALL of you people have problems. go to a doctor and quit asking for advise about your ass from hikers around the world.”

“you moron--I'm not from Ohio. Try a little further West.

Radagast, perhaps you're right.”

“did your MD consider doing a scotch tape prep to look for pinworm eggs?......did you sit or play in any peruvian kids sandboxes?....never underestimate your parasites......
hope your situation comes to a better end......soon.

shucks....this place is everything.....marriage, relationship counseling to medicine......”

“"...comes to a better end..."
LOL, OM!

Leave it to OM to suspect parasites :o)

Lookit! A parasite! >>>> *

BTW -
My stepsister is employed (self) at UF now. She's a freelance signer for the hearing impaired.”

“Fletch, doesn't sound like a 'roid, Sounds more like an anal fissure (no joke). My child had gotten one time (it comes from wiping to hard, scratching it etc.) Try Desitine diaper rash cream and don't scratch it.”

“Bummer Fletch! Got the "roids" myself, real pain in the a$$!!
Sorry couldn't help it.
Find out what you got for sure first.”

“Gojo. e-mail me your steptsisters name....is she at Shands?”

“Yall got a lotta guts talkin about @ss problems in here. Now when we hike with you , we'll be thinking, I wonder if his @ss is in pain now. LOL!!!!
Yall are too much!”

“hey Gojo don't be blaming us Yanks for his condition. You Southern's have been pains in are arses for over 200 years LOL”

“Sounds like sirpete is a little jealous. hehehe”

“well shucks dude, we talk about blisters on feet, twisted ankles and such .....A$$es are just another part of a backpackers anatomy.....right? :)”

“hehehe”

“a blast from the past. anyone heard from fletch lately?”

“y'all got to watch out for those 'roids in the backcountry - one can never know when a 'roid will up and start bleeding all over the darn place. Be perpared - carry a diaper. (big grin) Y'all may laugh but it has happened to me - too bad I wasn't prepared.”

“Cure for what ails ya

Didja notice that 'Fletch' rhymes with 'retch'?

”