A Story (sorry for the >'s)

“> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad
> > day when you just
> > > need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that
> > bad day out on
> > > someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T
> > know!!! Now get this.
> > >
> > > I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a
> > phone call I had to make.
> > >
> > > I found the number and dialed it. A man answered
> > nicely saying,
> > > "Hello?", I politely said, "Could I please speak
> > to Robin Carter?"
> > > Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I
> > couldn't believe that
> > > anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's
> > correct number and
> > > called her. She had transposed the last two digits
> > incorrectly.
> > >
> > > After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong
> > number still lying there
> > > on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the
> > same person once more
> > > answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung
> > up.
> > >
> > > Next to his phone number I wrote the word
> > "jackass", and put it in
> > > my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was
> > paying bills, or had a
> > > really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and
> > I'd yell, "You're a
> > > jackass!" It would always cheer me up.
> > >
> > > Later in the year the phone company introduced
> > caller ID. This was a
> > > real disappointment for me, I would have to stop
> > calling the jackass.
> > > Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number,
> > then heard his voice,
> > > "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales
> > office of the
> > > telephone company and I'm just calling to see if
> > you're familiar
> > > with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!", and
> > slammed the phone down.
> > >
> > > I quickly called him back and said, "That's
> > because you're a jackass!
> > > "The reason I took the time to tell you this
> > story, is to show you how
> > > if there's ever anything really bothering you, you
> > can do something
> > > about it. Just dial 823-4863.
> > >
> > > [Keep reading, it gets better.]
> > >
> > > The old lady at the mall really took her time
> > pulling out of the
> > > parking pace. I didn't think she was ever going to
> > leave. Finally,
> > > her car began to move and she started to very
> > slowly back out of the
> > > slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty
> > of room to pull out.
> > >
> > > Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a
> > sudden this black
> > > Camaro come flying up the parking isle in the
> > wrong direction and
> > > pulls into her space. I started honking my horn
> > and yelling, "You
> > > can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The
> > guy climbed out
> > > of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked
> > toward the mall
> > > as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself,
> > this guy's a
> > > jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this
> > world. I noticed he
> > > had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his
> > car. I wrote down
> > > the number. Then I hunted for another place to
> > park.
> > >
> > > A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my
> > desk. I had just
> > > gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and
> > yelling,"You're a
> > > jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since
> > I have his number
> > > on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the
> > guy with the
> > > black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd
> > better call this
> > > guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered
> > the phone and
> > > said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the
> > black Camaro
> > > for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I
> > can see it?"
> > > "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a
> > yellow house and
> > > the car's parked right out front." I said, "What's
> > your name?"
> > > "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to
> > catch you, Don?"
> > > "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I
> > tell you something?"
> > > "Yes," "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the
> > phone down.
> > >
> > > After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my
> > speed
> > > dialer. For a while things seemed to be going
> > better for me.
> > > Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to
> > call. Then,
> > > after several months of calling the jackasses and
> > hanging up on
> > > them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to
> > be. I gave the
> > > ! problem some serious thought and came up with a
> > solution:
> > >
> > > First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man
> > answered nicely
> > > saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!", but
> > I didn't hang up.
> > > The jackass said, "Are you still there?" I said,
> > "Yeah."
> > > He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said,
> > "What's
> > > your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said
> > "Where do
> > > you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow
> > house and
> > > my black Camaro's parked out front." "I'm coming
> > over right
> > > now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
> >
> > > "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I
> > hung up.
> > > Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."
> > > I said, "Hello, Jackass!" He said, "If I ever find
> > out who
> > > you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your ass."
> > "Well, here's
> > > your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!"
> > And I hung up.
> > >
> > > Then I picked up the phone and called the police.
> > > I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and
> > that I
> > > was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got
> > home.
> > > Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang
> > war going
> > > on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into
> > my car and
> > > headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole
> > thing.
> > > Glorious! Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap
> > out
> > > of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a
> > police
> > > helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of
> > my
> > > life!”

“that was barely amusing. jackass”

“Score 1 for the Lumpmeister.”

“BaSO4, have you revealed your true identity as the Official Scorekeeper? =:O”

“Dat's my headline. I agree wit Lump and Baso”

“i try to be nice and share a story with all you JACKASSES but you take the opportunity to hit me in the ASS. well, screw you and your muthers becuase youa re all aajackassesl. tyou sh!ts

i am otu h o fhere”

“i thought it was funny, but i guess we know who the real jackass is, now.”

“"well, screw you and your muthers becuase youa re all aajackassesl. tyou sh!ts

i am otu h o fhere"

Alright! A couple of more slams and we'll pop that aneurysm for sure!”

“I've heard that story before.”

“Yeah, Tarp Rat told it probably.”