Does anyone carry a gun on the trail?

“Maybe you and Maple can get adjoining cells in the TT block.”

“Oh? What did she do?”

“Check the Bush Sucks thread”

“hay we can share a cell together but not a tent.
i have my standards you know...”

“Oh, Right Potty!”

“If they screw up and let me have the ingredients for thermite, I can burn a hole out of the cell.”

“only if i get to call you bubba”

“bitpusher
i think your perrty!!”

“i used to live near city park. cats atomized squirrel pop. for fun. do you have a hiking cat?
really a squirrel brain has to be the size of what? a peanut?
wait a sec. they eat tomatoes?”

“Equal parts iron oxide and powdered aluminum, may be ignited by an ordinary sparkler (that's right, the little gizmos your mommy and daddy gave you to play with on the 4th of July).
Now go and have fun, you little delinquents!”

“For added fun, add in just a little magnesium! Makes it burn REALLY BRIGHT WHITE!”

“Iron oxide I've got plenty of. The powdered aluminum will take a while to fabricate. The despicable critter will have wiped out the tomato crop by then!

Thought I'd snare him yesterday. I closed off one end of the trap and put the peanut butter on that far end so he'd have to get his whole miserable body into the trap before it closed.

The stinking b@st@rd kicked the whole damn trap over on its side so it didn't even trip.

Looks like I'm going to have to get devious, ugly, and mean. Powdered aluminum. Gotta get to Home Depot!”

“Just be really careful with that crap. Powdered Al makes up about 40% of the solid fuel in the shuttle's SRB's.”

“All freakin right! Psycho Squirrel is gonna take a looooooooong trip!

To da moon Alice!”

“please take pictures!!”

“Have a nice life Psycho, ... ooops, too late!”

“Time to go home and wrassle with Psycho!”

“I gittin' me one a these here things to drive to the trailhead.”

“that solves it, spike the tomato. drive v-lin's urban assault vehicle over it and when it ignites light the sparklers and wallah, independence day in aug.”

“i prefer to rely on heavy air support......so i have 3 warthogs follow me wherever i hike”

“as anyone heard of one of these giant mid-west cattle prods being tested on a bear like target. they sell 'em here at farm and barn.
they're VERY powerful.
i was shockin' the chains on display and about KO'd some cat on the other side!
he got better
(and didn't press charges)”

“Wart Hogs work for me. I saw them in action in a live fire exercise. Awesome! Somehow though, I suspect Psycho Squirrel would survive!”

“i arm them with northrops new ASOPS(Air to Surface-Obliterating Psycho Squrrell) missels


that rodent dun stand a chance”

“Bring it on!”

“please, post squirrell report as it happens”

“wow. Shades of Morton Thiokol. Better check those o-rings.


What type bear, Trik? A Reeeeal Bear or one o' those little black ones? <G>”

“dunno, maybe get universal gear, you know "1 size fits all"
yeah, and maybe i'm tired of livin-go w/small variety, tilt”

“This is how we'll know Geobeet has been successful:


”

“Motherless friggin dam cotton-pickin useless good for nothin worthless craphead miserable rodent is still on the loose. Gotta get me a hawk, that's what I gotta do. Hawk, need hawk, gotta have hawk!

Arghlfrshncrpnsnvbtch!”

“So who is getting the new Smith & Wesson .50-caliber Magnum revolver?

Is 4.5 lbs too heavy for backpacking? They say it’ll stop a charging bear.”

“no I think you should get a 10lb that will stop anything.”

“Why? Just take his credit card!

[rimshot]”

“I always carry a gun.”

“more like a ~groan~”

“i know what'll stop a bear


...a HOWITZER!”

“i know what'll stop a bear


...a HOWITZER! ”

“bbinkly does in bear country, i think.”

“I use the M1A1 Abrams tank. It has its limitations, sure, but I think it is the best overall bear (and skunk) defense on the market.

Not only will it stop a bear in its tracks, but it will wipe out the tracks as well. Nothing left but a grease spot, and that will absorb into the ground and fertilize the vegetation.

Ever have trouble starting a campfire in the rain? Use the flamethrower device that is standard equipment and that fire will be roaring in not time at all.

Is an annoying person along on the trip? The smoke option leaves them in an impenetrable fog.

Tired of bulling your way through laurel or rhododendron? Roll right through in an M1A1.

Pack too heavy because of all the beer? The M1A1 carries it all and you get no strap marks on your shoulders.

Is a ranger dude coming to tell you that you are camped in an illegal campsite? Bye-bye ranger dude!

Cranky cookstove doesn't work? Break out that flamethrower again. Boils water in 10 seconds.

Too many cars parked at the trailhead? Crush them flat with your handy-dandy Abrams, ready for recycling.

Forget the freeze-dried yummies? No biggie. The .50 caliber machine gun will rustle up a warren of rabbits in no time.

Trying to figure out how to dig a privvy hole? The M1A1 will blast a hole big enough for a herd of camels.

Yes, the M1A1 makes me feel safe in the woods against any and all threats. With the handy night vision device, you can plunk marauding bears that nobody else can even see, even in the next county.

The M1A1, I never leave home without it!”

“I hear the Abrams is good for folk who have a tough time maintaining their footing.


j/k!!!”

“That too, but you have to watch your head when that damn gun fires, I can tell ya that, I can tell ya that, I can tell ya, what the heII was I talking about?”

“I sometimes carry the ultralight version of a gun - the slingshot.

You know, a survival tool for when I get lost and run out of food - I can pass the time by shooting rocks at trees while I wait for help.”

“Fohty-five long slide wid lazer sighting, 12-gauge auto-loddah, Uzi Nine millimeter, Phase Plasma rifle in a 40-watt range....


Hey buddy. Only what you see...”

“Ruger Vaquero .44 magnum”

“Man, I gotta get me one of them Abrams! But, but, what if you get caught without your GPS? Damn, now I'm scared again....”

“i think i could stop a bear with a 44....”

“I know I could stop a black bear or inland griz with my .44 as long as I place the shot right. Might not be that easy with eyeballs protruding and hair standing on end. Alaskan brown bear may be a different story. Those things are unbelieveably massive.”

“I just carry my running shoes...”

“Running away from a bear is a bad idea. To the bear your just ringing the dinner bell.”

“I carry two or three, One is a 22 short the sound doesn't carry far so it's great for taking pot-shoots at critters that wander too close to camp.

I also build a campfire regardless of the rules and burn all my trash including plastic, what doesn't burn I leave.

I piss in the creeks and never pick up trash along the trail, unless it's plastic so I can burn it.

I sure wish they would open more of the forests to logging and oil drilling, cuz that means more roads for my ATV.

I always allow my dogs to come-a-long. They love chasing deer.

And furthermore, we need a good war to boost the economy.

Do what you want, if someone doesn't like it, SCREW'EM

Have a good day!”

“Just give the bear a hug. Lets make peace not war.”