Equal time for the ladies

“Okay, all right. Sheesh!

Things You Ain't Never Gonna Hear a Man Say

1. I think Ricky Martin is one cool motherf---er.

2. Nope, no more beer for me. I have to work tomorrow.

3. I think hairy butts are really sexy.

4. Her boobs are too big.

5. Sometimes I just want to be held.

6. That chick on "Murder She Wrote" gives me a woody.

7. I INSIST I WEAR A CONDOM.

8. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.

9. Screw "Monday Night Football," let's watch Melrose Place.

10. I think we're lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.

11. Gosh, it's getting late, put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.

12. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need tampons?

13. What happened to my old Nancy Drew books?

14. Do these jeans come in lavender?

15. I love jogging dear, but I can't keep up with you! You go on ahead.

16. You know, this shower curtain doesn't have enough frills on it.

17. Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder, we'd be getting much better gas mileage!

18. My butt's too big, don't lie, it's true...I know my butt's too big.

19. It's okay, sweetie, I'll sleep in the wet spot.

20. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

21. Your mother's coming to stay with us for a month? Great!

22. I wonder if the gorgeous new neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed. Why don't you go tell her?

23. No way, you weeded the garden last week, it's my turn.

24. Why don't you get rid of these old Penthouse magazines, I don't look at them anymore.

25. I understand.

26. This movie has too much nudity.

27. Damn, we're late for church.

28. No. I don't want to see your sister's tits.

29. Oversized T-shirts are so sexy, especially on really fat chicks.

30. Put some panties on!”

“I don't wear my Carhart utility jeans - they make my package look too big.”

“Not tonight honey, I have a headache. What they may say is, not tonight honey, I'm too drunk.”

“Further remarks on the war betwixt men and women.

No. 28 - No, Please! I really don't want to see her sisters' anything uncovered! If you knew them, you'd understand!
No. 18 - Yes, it's true. We couldn't care less about what you think of our posterior size. And if you had any kind of life, at all, you wouldn't care about yours either! We're way ahead of you on this one.

No. 14 & no. 6 - Nancy Drew was certainly more of an inspiration than Angela Lansbury! Surely that comes as no surprise?

No. 1 - Who's Ricky Martin, and why should we care about him?

As far as directions are concerned, I ask for them all the time. Of course, no one can ever understand the garbled stuff you get from the harried employees at most service stations and convenience stores except for the "you can't miss it" part, so that explains why most guys have just given up on asking directions.”

“31. Do these pants make my butt look fat?

32. We have to talk.

33. I rented some movies from Blockbuster: are "First Wives Club" and "Beaches" ok with you?

34. Let's just cuddle.

35. That Mountain Gear hiking kilt is DA BOMB!!”

“36. My, what an attractive scrotum! (Stand back and watch the locker room clear)”

“37.Here's my credit card Honey,go ahead it's alright!”

“Now that we are engaged honey, I want you to go out a pick any ring you want.”