support for kids in college

“Man, this is really a non-backpacking thread, so read no further if that bothers you. Deathmarch99's situation made me wonder what people, both students and parents, do about college support for their kids. Like, what are the rules for recieving $$. My own situation is that my older kids get $350 from me each month, and $350 from their Mother each month (we are divorced) if they take a full load (15 credits) and get passing grades. If they take 10 credits, they get proportionately less. Is that fair, or typical, or what? That looks like to me that they can get $700 per month if they take a full load and. That is almost enough to make it without working, in a state supported school.

I'd be interested in comparing other's experiences, if they don't mind such a personal question.”

“Dang, $700 tax and labor free! You folks are very generous.”

“I have three kids in college right now all living at home. The deal we started with is that if they are taking 12 quarter units successfully, then we pay for tuition, room & board, and insurance. They work part time to earn spending and gas money and buy their own books.

If they take 16 quarter units successfully, then we pay for books also and expect them to only work 8 hrs/week part time.

If they stop going to school, they start paying room and board and all their car expenses.

Fortunately, tuition and fees for the CaliforniaState University are not bad ($2000/year) and I get as small discount. It is having 5 cars that is killing us.

I don't think our way is all that great. We should tie in something about helping around the hourse. As it is, they mess up the house and then take off with their friends. My wife gets thoroughly pissed about this quite regularly. Realistic solutions are welcomed.”

“My son gets tuition paid each semester he is enrolled full time (15 hrs) from his dad's VA benefits. (we are divorced too..he is disabled/retired from the post office.)

From me, he gets housing and I have an account he uses for school incidentals.

Then he has a scholarship of about $1200 or so per semester.that covers books,living, food...but since he lives at home right now ...he contributes to the food bill.
In August, he has two housemates moving in and I am heading out to the country to get my privacy and freedom!! , (the house is close to campus) so, he will be paying me rent and have twohousemates to split it with...
He also has a part-time job he really likes on campus to pay for his car insurance and gas, etc. that allows flexibility in regards to his class schedule ....
so far, this has been working well (freshman year just completed)
it helps that he goes to school in his hometown ...”

“Not that it was the only way but...
when I was in school, I was expected to earn my own spending money - mostly by working and saving all summer. I did work part-time during school and think it made me a more responsible person. (I sold two pints of my plasma a week for awhile as it allowed me to study while I earned - that sucked!)”

“Idaho Bob will you adopt me, or my youngest daughter?

When I was going to school I had to pay my own way. I did get the GI Bill but that was less than $350/month. And I had a wife and two daughters to support. This was back in the period from 1979-1983.
My wife didn't work then or now. It was tough but we did okay.

Go Clemson Tigers!!!!”

“Hi Idaho Bob, long time no see, unless I've missed your posts.

I don't have kids, but it seems a good idea to give more money to them when their time is all taken up by studying.

Don't parents start college funds when the children are little? Put in a little since young couples don't have much and add more as more money is available. Put it in some kind of investment fund and let it grow so it won't cut into your savings for retirement.”

“LH...that would be ideal in a perfect world of the two parent household..
in my case, single mom since he was 5, no child support..there was.not much there to stash away for college at the end of the mortgage,food, insurance etc.....we went the route of get good grades to earn some scholarships , etc... ... I am better able now to help him out so he can concentrate on school and not so much survival....
i payed my way thru college working part time....my husband went on the gi bill.....we ate lots of pnut butter and honey sandwiches
i am trying to find a way to link this to backpacking...heh...but it escapes me just now...”

“i-am-om, I totally understand. I was being a little too simplistic.

Husbands always seem to leave, especially after the little ones come along. Where do they all go? Is there some black hole in the universe they all get sucked into?

I believe they recycle themselves for new relationships. I think these men should be tagged with marks indicating why they are defective. Maybe the next woman would think twice before taking them in, lol.

It's a joke ok, I'm just talking about the real losers and the ones who forget they left children behind.”

“LH, you might think it's a joke, but i'm sure that alot of people find that very offensive.

you man-basher! hmm....”

“I've got a brother who is the sole caregiver to three children. Five year old and three year old twins. His exwife has 4 kids she doesn't have custody of now from two marriages. She got married again two monthes after their divorce was final. Everytime the kids come back from her house they tell my brother she's having a baby! It goes both ways.”

“heh..well actually I was the one to leave.. i left to have a better life......the man was never sober....
i wouldnt say all husbands leave...some folks just grow in different directions.....back to college financing....the ex's va benefits are now paying for tuition...so...it all works out i guess.........”

“My parents supported me while I was in college. They paid tuition. I lived at home, so they also provided room and board in that way. My dad allowed me to use his car if I arranged it in advance and paid him ten cents for every mile driven. I had to pay for my own insurance, books, and supplies. My parents gave me money for bus fare. Sometimes I would spend the bus fare and ride my bicycle instead, which was fine with them. I got a thirty dollar a month clothing allowance that could not be used for anything other than clothing. I worked part time during the school year, and overtime hours all summer to pay for the things I needed to and for spending money. I never once pulled this ?I?m eighteen now so I?m not subject to blah blah blah? crap. I did my household duties and answered my parent?s questions about where I was going and when I expected to be home. I did not give my parents reason to grill me for thirty minutes about where I was going.

When I graduated from college, my dad told me that it would cost me fifty dollars a week to live there. I accepted those terms and stayed for a while until I moved into a rented townhouse with a couple roommates.

My parents are well off, and they could have afforded to buy me a car, pay the insurance, and give me the ridiculous sum of $350 per month if they wanted to. I was not brought up to expect that kind of handout so I never did.

I got my first car the old fashioned way: I earned the money and went out and bought it. Actually, I got a loan which my parents did not cosign.

My parents are extremely generous and kind people. They gave me the gift of independence and self reliance. I am grateful of what they gave me. My dad?s coming down for a visit this weekend. I can hardly wait.”

“I have two in college. They both got student loans that will need to be paid back at schools end. We'll deal with that then but in a perfect world this ed. will put them in the types of jobs to do that. We support them in all ways possible but they also work part time. My son will move home and drive truck for the summer. Hopefully he'll make more in one summer than a school year of part time. This will free him up for Senior studies. It's enough to keep them going and its a real struggle on their parts and I have the greatest respect for them and all our kids out there in the college system.”

“Lipstick hiker, I gotta speak up here. Not all men leave after the kids arrive. I have 5. I worked 60 hours a week to do the bills, and when I was home my time was spent as recreation director for all of them. I built a house in 7 months, busting my butt, I might add. All the while, maintaining a job at 1 place for over 17 years and moving on to another for the last 6, and a certain standard of living. I don't drink, smoke swear, womanize, basically, I'm a stereotypical boy scout. How was I repaid for all this. An adulteress wife, and a ripped apart family.

Sorry for venting but perhaps you should have asked about unfaithful spouses and not singled out the men in this one.

BTW , you'll never find my name on the Dead Beat Dad list for non support either. Notice how "they" call it Dead Beat "Dad" also. It ain't just the guys, but I do have to admit, It seems to be mostly the guys.

Well, I feel a little better now, just wanted to show the other side of the coin. Peace LH.”

“Phil, I come from a family of seven children, and I know the mess we used to make...We were raised in a manner that prepared me for a Career in the Army. Mom was First Sergeant, in the morning, we were to be up by seven regardless of the day of the week,and we were each assigned duties that rotated each month. No matter who made the mess we each had to clean it up, (I hated cleaning the bathroom, and loved cutting the grass, Hard to mess up the lawn after it has been cut). Peer/sibling pressure helped keep the house clean, mom didn't have to tell us we were making a mess, whoever had the responsibility for the kitchen would harp at us about the mess, likewise the bathroom etc. Assign each child an area of responsibility, and leave it to them to ride herd on the ones who make the mess. When the kids realize that the workload decreases with an increase in cleanliness, the chores become a lot easier, and to add to the incentive, jobs not done or done incorrectly cost us in fines (Yes, MONEY fines)...It's hard to spend time with friends, or stay on the road when you are broke! The assigned duties were LAW, no discussion allowed. Worked for us...

As for the tuition issue,as the oldest of the boys, If I wanted to go to school, I got a job and paid for it. As the children left the house, the ones remaining got more help from my parents as they were more able to assist....in retrospect, it sort of made up for all the years the oldest got new clothes, while the youngest got the hand-me-downs.”

“LH, your scenario only happens in a perfect world. Being divorced I paid massive child support, and lived in poverty. I don't know why other men (or women)leave, but I left to find a partner who hiked or at least would not hassle me for hiking.

So with no savings, and two kids in college, $350 a month for each of them is not easy. Since they are supposed to get the same from their Mom, that should be $700 a month. That should come close to covering room and board, and tuition at Bellevue Comm. College. Car insurance comes out of the $700, which takes a big bite ($100).

When I was in college, I lived at home for two years in junior college, and paid my own way through the last 2 years by painting radio towers and being a school janitor. The freedom was wonderful, and being 2 hours from Yosemite was heaven.

Thanks for everyone's input!”

“I plan to help my kids through college, but it will work this way: two years of community college (and living at home and working part-time). When that's done, we'll pay 1/2 of the next two years at a four-year school.

That's how it worked for my wife and I when we went to college.”

“I've paid the tuition and books for 2 semesters for my son's girlfriend. I have friends who think I'm nuts (or at least very generous) but I consider it an investment for the good of my grandkids. She'll get financial aid this fall though, so I'll be off the hook.”

“?is that fair??

NO. You are cheating your kids out of the opportunity to be real adults. Any adult that wants an education can get it on their own. Heck I was stupid, poor and lazy and still got through a prestigious University all by myself.

But then again I sometimes wish I could still be a child with the easy life of a child.”

“I know there are other sides to families being ripped apart. I know I only mentioned one side. I give you all much credit for your couragiousness in leaving your mates and starting a new & better lives. I purposely only mentioned one side and I did say it was a joke (of sorts).

Uphill Klimber, I know women do the same things as men. I was talking to a women, that's why I went in that direction. I'm sorry to hear that you being such a good man, was left to rear your children alone.

I-am-om, my friends had fathers that drank and it was the same as not having a father at all. The weird part was one of them remarried a women that looked exactly like his wife, only younger.”

“I made the decision while I was in college not to support my kids through college. The reason? I looked around on Sat. nights. All the kids who were paying their own way were in the dorms studying. Where were those kids who had the bill paid by Mommy and Daddy? They were out partying their butts off. I witnessed this for 3 solid years. They really did not appreciate how good they had it. My kids have been raised to understand when they are 18, they are legal adults. Period. If they are not in college and still at home, they pay rent. This is tough love. On the flip side, if they are paying me rent I have no say in how late they stay out. I was raised this same way. I have never asked my parents for money in the 15 years since I moved out. I am independent, I expect no less from my kids. If you give kids high standards to live by, 99% of the time they will meet them with flying colors.”