Trail Drinking Tips

“In order to cut down on weight, be sure to pour your Stoli Vodka into a plastic flask. Also, be sure to pack packs of tang, and you'll have an instant trail screwdriver. If you want to incent yourself to drink more than six trail screwdivers, be sure to bring only 2 or 3 misleading "love" letters that the x-g/f wrote to you. If you bring more than 3, you are dragging extra weight. be sure to start morning fire to make coffee and kill hangover with the letters.”

“Man this place is really turning into the lonely hearts club. DB see if you can get the doctor to subscribe a fex Xanex pills. Tell him you have back pains caused by the anxiety of losing your girlfriend. You don't have to tell him the back pain is do to the extra weight of the Vodka you currently carry to relieve anxiety.”

“Why the tang?
Save the weight, drink it straight.”

“Drinking Bear, baby, you need to move forward! It's a bright, new day. Time to stop drinking and start thinking. Make a plan to get back into emotional shape. Trust me, I was just recently in your shoes. Laying around in self-pity will kill your "attractiveness to the opposite sex" quota.”

“I like Drinking Bear better than Sober Bear. Cheers!”

“Cheers! And believe me newgirl, I am not "laying around in self-pity". I'm kicking back, enjoying the single life, and learning from past mistakes. Now, a toast to bacpac, and all my TT drinkin' buddies.

Of all my favorite things to do,
the utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
with each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer's so frothy, smooth and cold--
It's paradise--pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me...
That's all for now, I gotta pee!

Cheers!”

“Oh, newgirl, I've been to Montana before, and I didn't like the hospitatilty!

A bear walks into a bar and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says "we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender again tells him, "WE don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana".

The bear, very angry now, says, "if you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender, once again says, " sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat, and again demands a beer.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana that are on drugs."

The bear says, " I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "yes you are"........

"That was a barbitchyouate."”

“Long live Drinking Bear! He is a lot more fun.

I prefer tequila on the trail.

Always transfer to a plastic bottle. My friend christened a new pack by ignoring that rule - before he even got it out of the car!”

“The pack is now a Christian?”

“Tequlia Slushie:
At home, squeeze lemon juice into plastic flask, fill flask with tequlia.
In camp, get cup of snow (not yellow) pour tequlia / lemon over snow.
Enjoy”

“I think I will let Drinking Bear take my place on TT. It's time for me to retire!”

“No way Tarp. Not until mt TT death pools odds aurpass yours. The odds of that happening are 1,000,000:1”

“Okay, Drinking Bear, sorry that I said you were laying around in self-pity. We just have two different ideas about how to get back on one's feet after a heart smashing. Cheers and good luck.”

“Cheers & thanks for caring!”

“Well, if nothing else, this thread has good jokes and poems and some "bonding" going on.

Wait for Mel to get back from the trail and tell about her "rocket fuel".”

“Mel and Drinking Bear?

We have a MATCH!!!”

“What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?
And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.”

“You too!?!”