“Yeah, limericks are fun!! Who knows what these great minds can come up with?? (Or in other words, haiku -- schmoomoo)
(Plus, someone on this site as trying -- in his advanced age -- to get onto limericks. Where the hell did you grow up?!??!? LOL!!!)
I wrote this on another thread, but would like to share it here... and look forward to the other entries. :-)
There once was a boy child named Tarpy.
His attitude seemed oh-so-sharpy.
He railed and cussed
And said "whadufuh??"
And his poems, they all made us go farty.”
“Dunadan was a man so outstanding
In his field, all alone, so commanding
"Tarpy," he said
"You make me think lead,"
"Would you try not to be so demanding??"
Sorry, Tarpy is a good subject. :-) And NO, it's not Dunadan who doesn't know a limerick!! (gonna fess up???)”
“Sorry, I'm on a roll. Nuthin' like limericks to take your mind off the work you SHOULD be doing!!
There once was a boy named Ice Tea
He kept us confused as could be
Some thought him a troll
Or a 45-year-old "schmoe"
But in that case bacpac he would be.
“Why don't we just call it rhymme,
It's the same old crap every time.
Today is it Liz who thinks she's a wiz.
Cause she made up a name to continue the game.
And it didn't even rhymme.”
forget all the raves and the rants,
a retreat into nature's the dance,
that will float you away from your cares,
that is 'less you meet up with some bears!”
“I know that you'll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso -
I put on a dress, d'oh!
And really start acting quite naughty!”
Limericks lines are five
First, second and fifth, they jibe.
The fourth and the third
should have rhyming last word.
These rules, to follow, we should strive.”
“The exploits of Mtn. Gal-inski
Were trashy and just a tad risky
Among hikers she'd roam
And take each one home
After getting him bombed on cheap whiskey!
“I can tell this is Fri noon,
And all of us are wanting to moon,
The pile of work and our grumpy old boss, To the woods we run and not to be lost,
The weekend is here.
So crack open the beer.
“I wunted sum puzzy
But had a gurl who wuz a wuzzy
An wouldtk take of her panzy
Unless the Popzy said OKzy
So I taked off her panzies anywy
And gave her a rashy
On her crotchzy an neksky
OKxy?”
Weekend nights could be quite strange
for a man named Steve Hiker, deranged
He'd drink a few brews
Fall into a wooze
And post things that said he had mange.”
“Walkindude, he loves the Black Hills
Even though the trip costs a few bills
He is tall, thin and lanky
And pretends he's a Yankee
But that drawl, it just shows his true will.
“At times I must work through the night
In the morning I'll be quite a sight
What will running girl say
To see me that way
You look like you've been in a fight”
“...the Carly Simon theme song plays in the background...”
7:28:27 PM 6/03/01
“There was a young girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.”
2:56:32 PM 2/06/07
“There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its colour and size,
So bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.”
3:00:48 PM 2/06/07
“There was a musician named Pete
Who always wore clogs on his feet-
And tattooed on his chest
Was a map of Key West
He was bawdy and quite indiscreet.”
3:20:57 PM 2/06/07
“There was a young man named Hog
who got it on with his dog
then poor old rover got him bent over
and showed him the bark on his log.”
6:16:40 PM 2/06/07
“There was a young woman from Exeter
And all the young men threw their sex at her
So just to be lewd
She'd lie in the nude
While her parent, a pervert
Took pecks at her”
6:37:02 PM 2/06/07
“From the rear of the pub came a plume
Of a nasty, malodorous fume.
The drunks left, disgusted;
The methane combusted;
The barroom erupted — barrroooom!”
8:31:52 AM 2/07/07
“As I kept company with a tart
The dang witch cut loose with a fart
I yanked up my drawers
And surveyed the whores
In a huff then I did depart”
8:38:47 AM 2/07/07
“Alpha acids give lagers their chops;
They let pilsners pull out all the stops.
Take a moment and think
Of your favorite drink...
They're the bittering agent in hops.”
6:59:23 AM 2/08/07
“There once was a man in duluth,
who had his #%$@ shot off in his youth;
so he screwed with his nose, his fingers, and toes;
and came through a hole in his tooth!”
8:01:00 AM 2/08/07
“There once was a dork from New York
Who, a little fun had never uncorked
Until after one day
A reckless roll in the hay
And now he's greeting the stork!”
4:00:11 PM 2/08/07
“These limericks really are lame
They're not even sharp; they are tame
They're not worth a laugh
Or even a half
It's really a very big shame”
4:30:44 PM 2/08/07
“What is hoppy and brings us good cheer?
Not a froggy, I promise, my dear!
It's brown, black and tan,
And can come in a can.
It's deliciously wonderful beer!”
6:27:57 AM 2/09/07
“A, bee, cee; dee, e, ef; and then gee;
Aitch, i, jay; kay, el, em; en, o, pee;
Cue, ar, ess; tee then u;
Vee and double-u too;
Ex, wy, zed (in America, zee)”
7:37:43 AM 2/10/07
“There was a young student from Boston,
Who drove around in an Austen.
There was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas.
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em.”
7:20:43 AM 2/11/07
“A mosquito was heard to complain
That a chemist had poisoned his brain
The cause of his sorrow
Was paradichloro
Diphenyltrichloroethane.”
7:06:00 AM 2/12/07
“There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colorful lack of restraint.”
9:16:47 AM 2/13/07
“Es war eine Lady in Minden
Die konnt´ ihren Dildo nicht finden.
Da nahm sie ne Flasche
Schnell aus ihrer Tasche
Und ließ diese in sich verschwinden”
