The Tarpy Psych Exam

“Tarp Rat, please answer the following questions:

1. Have you ever mutilated and killed animals for fun?

2. When you look at the following picture, what do you see: )8(

3. When someone says "you are crazy", how does that make you feel?

4. If Johnny took an apple from Sally, how many apples would Johnny have, and would it be o.k. for Sally to hit Johnny?

5. Please write down the first word that comes to mind after you read the following words:

a.) pink
b.) cow
c.) David Hasselhoff
d.) weed
e.) baby
f.) Menudo

6. Who would you consider your hero, and why?

7. What does the phrase "Take off your pants and jacket" mean to you?


*Note, I am not a psychologist, but I dated one for three years.”

“My Friday night drinking crowd consisted largely of a bunch of PHD'd phychologists years back, Buddah. That's not something to brag about.”

“One of my father's fishing buddies is a psychology professor at Rutgers. He's one of the sickest people I?ve ever met (but good fun).”

“I'm not braggin' about anything. I was referencing the "No, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express" commercial.”

“I hope Tarpie answers the questions. I bet it will be funny, or then again maybe not.
hehehehehehehehe”

“Is that "ha-ha" funny?”

“1. Have you ever mutilated and killed animals for fun?

NO, BUT I WOULD MUTILATE ANYONE WHO DID!


2. When you look at the following picture, what do you see: )8(

CHARACTERS PUT TOGETHER IN A MEANINGLESS WAY IN A LAME ATTEMPT TO DRAW FORTH A FOOLISH ANSWER.


3. When someone says "you are crazy", how does that make you feel?

I WOULDN'T KNOW, IF IT HAPPENS I WILL LET YOU KNOW!


4. If Johnny took an apple from Sally, how many apples would Johnny have, and would it be o.k. for Sally to hit Johnny?

IF "AN APPLE" MEANS ONE, THEN THERE IS THE ANSWER. NO!


5. Please write down the first word that comes to mind after you read the following words:

a.) pink - PINK
b.) cow - MOO
c.) David Hasselhoff - BABE WATCH
d.) weed - I DON'T HAVE ANY
e.) baby - THEY SUCK
f.) Menudo - THEY SUCK


6. Who would you consider your hero, and why?

NO ONE, THAT WOULD INVOLVE ATTACHMENT TO IMPERMANENCE, WHICH WOULD EVENTUALY CAUSE ME PAIN AND SUFFERING.


7. What does the phrase "Take off your pants and jacket" mean to you?

JUST CAME IN FROM THE RAIN?”

“I am new here and this scares me.”

“Please leave then! Quickly!”

“Test results:

Subject - Tarp Lloyd Rat

1. Subject's answer eliminates the possibility the he is a mass murderer. However, his retaliatory response insinuates possible ties to PETA, and a penchant to join left wing fringe groups.

2. Subject attempts to dodge the question. Studies show that the answer "CHARACTERS PUT TOGETHER IN A MEANINGLESS WAY IN A LAME ATTEMPT TO DRAW FORTH A FOOLISH ANSWER." is given in .000003% of test pool. This small group of people really like mushrooms. Most common answer - butterfly.

3. Subject takes a hostile approach to the question. Research has show that answering in this way is due to overexposure to the "Brady Bunch" T.V. program in early childhood.

4. Tarp again shows a penchant for a non-violent resolution. He has good mathamtical skills, and probably would do well on wall street.

5. The subject correlates 3 of the 5 senses in his answer, vision, taste and sound. This simply implies a general contempt for David Hasselhoff.

6. Subject would probably rather hike solo, than with others.

7. The subect answers in the form of a question. The question was purposely asked to derive a sexual connotation to mastrubation, which would have meant all sorts of serious psychological problems. Any answer besides the latter shows normalcy.

Conclusion:

Subject does not display any of the major socio-psychological problems found in today's society. He has a strong propensity to display humor, and an extremely advanced and educated level. He'd probably do well on the Weakest Link T.V. program.”

“Buddha Bear, you are the WEAKEST LINK!

Good Bye!”

“SWEET!!”

“I knew I would enjoy this tread. Good answers Tarpie.”

“1. Have you ever mutilated and killed animals for fun?

No, only people

2. When you look at the following picture, what do yousee: )8(

Someone laughing at me

3. When someone says "you are crazy", how does that make you feel?

First, I get all twitchy, then I start breathing hard and get all sweaty. Luckily, Jacob tells me to calm down and that we'll get even later.

4. If Johnny took an apple from Sally, how many apples would Johnny have, and would it be o.k. for Sally to hit Johnny?

Johnny would have no apples because Sally would have killed him by then.

5. Please write down the first word that comes to mind after you read the following words:

a.) pink - raw meat
b.) cow - a lot of meat
c.) David Hasselhoff - Liver with Fava beans
d.) weed - Salad
e.) baby - veal
f.) Menudo - soup with cow guts

6. Who would you consider your hero, and why?

Jeffrey Dahmer because he was areally good cook.

7. What does the phrase "Take off your pants and jacket" mean to you?

Dinner is about to be served

Hey, I'm planning a trip in August. The route I'm choosing is about 35 miles thru some very isolated country. Given the mileage, we should drop some serious poundage. So, I encourage overweight people to go on this trip, preferably younger overweight people. Also, we may be gone for some time, so younger, overweight people with no families or jobs are encouraged to come on this trip, but please no serious drinkers or people with liver ailments. Anyone interested?”

“Tarpster got da skillz on dem bikes.”

“Thanks!

Check this one out! ”

“What kinda crotch rocket are you riding?”

“Yamaha Seca 600”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhh YYYYYeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhh! Wich was you in the second clip?”

“That wasn't really me homie!”

“yeah, I did have that figured out. Upgrades for the XJ-600.”

“Thanks, I have scoured the net for info on the Seca there isn't much out there!

I won't be upgrading anything, I will most likely get a new bike next year, probably the new version, YZF 600.

It's pretty quick in the mid-range, but dies at the top end.”

“Yeee haaw! I got my license yesterday after fialing the first driving test because my front tire touched the white line at the first stop sign. It ain't easy, but I did it. Now I can drive legaly, although it isn't nearly as much fun!”

“so I no longer get to sing Judas Priest's song Breaking the Law when I think about you?

Breaking the Law, Breaking the Law...”

“I'll still be breaking the law!”

“Breaking The Law - Judas Priest

There I was completely wasting
Out of work and down
All inside it's so frustrating
As I drift from town to town
Feel as though nobody cares if I live or die
So I might as well begin
To put some action in my life

Breaking the law
Breaking the law
Breaking the law
Breaking the law

So much for the golden future
I can't even start
I've had every promise broken
There's anger in my heart
You don't know what it's like
You don't have a clue
If you did you'd find yourselves
Doing the same thing too

Breaking the law
Breaking the law
Breaking the law
Breaking the law

You don't know what it's like

Breaking the law
Breaking the law
Breaking the law
Breaking the law”

“Slap your own ass #&%!$!”