The Perfect Family

“To which Partridge Family character do you best relate? Is it Shirley, Keith, Laurie, Danny, Chris or Tracy? No one really gives a damn, but I?m sure you fools will spend hours debating their individual merits.



Now, a little background story...In the beginning there was nothing but a blue and yellow Cosmic Egg. Soon enough, the egg cracked open to reveal Shirley's animal form, the Partridge.

Shirley, immaculate mother, then gave virgin birth to Keith. This is why there was no need for a father on the show.

Although she and Keith engaged in various sordid acts, none would be considered sexual relations by former President Bill Clinton, so therefore Shirley technically kept her Virgin Mother status when she gave birth to her second demon spawn, Laurie.

Then a terrible transgression transpired: Shirley got it on with disgusting bastard Reuben Kinkaid. This, too, was not technically sexual relations because this sex act was commited on the astral plane in which only the souls fornicate with each other. Out of this unholy union with a Superhuman, a human, and a sub-human, came forth Danny Partridge, the God of Mischief. (Ever notice how Danny looks a little different than the rest of the Partridge Clan?) Then there?s the two youngest brats who never got to say anything on the show and got stuck playing percussion. Who cares?”

“That's it, I'm going back to Radman's 'Listen up, Snackboy' thread before I'm no longer capable of finishing MY GODDAMNED CORRECTING!!!I'M LOSING IT.....”

“Danny is the man. He could make trouble out of anything, ie baptism, christmas with the family, wedding, you get the idea. May Danny darken our doorsteps and nick at night forever.”

“Personally, I love the Partridge Family. It is one of my favorite re-runs.”

“Goodness sakes newgirl you are so young.. I bet you never to see a first run Gilligan's Island, or Batman...

Did you ever have to set through a first run of "The Love Boat"? I bet not.. Maybe one of those pathetic made for TV movies.. but not the show..”

“SlapMyAss, you are correct sir. I didn't have to see a first run of any of those shows. I did have to see first runs of Cosby and Full House, though. And in my opinion those shows stink compared to Partridge, Gilligan's, Brady Bunch, Genie, etc.”

“I used to pretend that I was Genie and I had a cool bottle to live in with all those cushions and the huge circular couch. Everything was pink too, man, Genie rocks. Oh, Bewitched is cool as well.”

“If I offended you I'm sorry... It just never ceases to smack me like a truck when people talk about seeing a rerun of a show they were too young to have seen first run. maybe instead of saying you are sooooo young.... I could just admit that I'm getting soooooo old.. Naaaaa Never gonna do it..”

“I'm not offended. I am a young. I am going to take full advantage of it, while I got it. Yummy!”

“Yummy? Now I've got to see a Pic of you”

“What is w/ everybody houndin' my ass about the damn pics. I will send them to Phil as soon as I find a friend w/ a scanner. I meant yummy, like yummy to be young.”

“Some one put names with faces please?

What one is keith, danny, chriss, tracey????”

“Back row, left to right:
Laurie, Shirley, Keith
Front row, left to right:
Bobbie, what's-her-name, Danny.”

“I'm more a Corporal Agarn man myself.”

“flyguy, I had you pegged as the Reuben Kinkaid type.”

“Come on, Ice Tea, don't you ever watch any t.v.? It's educational . . . and historic (that was just for you SlapMyAss).”

“What??? You want me to slap your ass???? I thought there where laws against that”

“Ken, thanks”

“It is illegal, Tea, I'd go to prison for slappin' such a young boy's ass. Besides, per LeSubtil's advice, I'm looking for older men.”

“Don't even think of pegging me, you freak!!!”

“I wish they'd bring back High Mountain Rangers, with Robert Conrad.”

“Huh? Don't know that one. How about "Petticoat Junction." I love how the hang in the water tower tank.”

“Okay Dr. Laura, how do you explain the creepy little drummer kid changing from the one in your picture to some different looking blonde haired kid? Shapeshifting?”

“Buffoon! Chris is the Cosmic Drummer that keeps the beat of Time and Space. Because there were two Chris's, Chris also represents the dual nature of humanity. Here's a revelation: the first Chris was the bastard son of Danny and Shirley. He is the evil Chris who like many a sit-com child starts off as being relatively cute but soon gradually loses that cuteness. He also couldn't fake he was a drummer worth a crap.

Shirley then gave a virgin birth to the second, cuter Chris who could actually play drums. Then Keith and Laurie engaged in holy sacred incest and begot Tracy. Tracy is the eternally pure pre-menstrual nymph who represents the time before the so called Fall from the Garden of Eden.

Got it? GOOD!”

“Thanks for the explanation.

Now, go take off your clothes for some more pictures. On second thought, leave them on.”

“Yucky.”

“flyguy6x--LOL........you go "F Troop!" And I only just read about "pegging" yesterday. (I would have voted for it and not "punt" or "bobbing") Toooooooooo much!!!”

“Dir Laura..

Another strike for dumb humanity.”

“Dr Laura
Your also too young to know much about the Partridge Family. What do you know anyway?

Ice Tea
Your Danny. To a T.”

“Dr Laura
Your only 24 years old, right?”

“24?!?!

no, silly!

amyg is 28!”

“I thought she was 24?”

“a friend of mine who grew up in difficult home as a "middle child" is now requiring therapy from that. it seems to me that middle children did not receive enough love from their parents and feel like they never do good enough. my caregivers showed me that we are all equal products of our mother and need to treat each other with equality

i wonder if this administration provides any special care for middle children who did not grow up in a good home. i really hope that is something our representatives push for”

“Go lobby your state rep and senator then report back and tell us how that worked out for you.”

“ok dayhiker. good idea. thanks for your support. i take it you were a middle child also. i know some lobbyists so i'll ask them the best way to go about handling this”

“Maybe you should form a lobby to try and pass a law that requires parents to not have more than 2 kids. That way there will never be a middle child.”

“I was a middle child.....one of seven middle children because there were nine of us total: one oldest, one youngest, and seven in the middle. While a true "middle child" only received---excuse me, ALLEGEDLY only received one-third of the love, I only received one-ninth. Society owes me, big time.

I say why wait for this or any administration to do something? I will gladly accept any monetary compensation from taxpayers who do not think they "contribute" enough. I'm no expert, but I do think I require therapy---probably in monetary form.

Oh, the pain! The pain! (cash or money order only please.)”

“Reparations For Middle's Now!!!!!!!!!”

“Really! Jan and Peter Brady were really screwed up!”

“If there are no middle children, can we do away with the Middle School?”