What would you do, Guys?

“Here is a question for the married guys. I sometimes travel with my hubby on his business trips. Yesterdays, we got back from a 6 day round trip drive from Chicago suburbs to Portland, OR.
Saw some really beautiful sites... some not so thrilling. (sorry, but southern WY along I-80 is a good time for a snooze!)

Here's the question: If this were you and your wife how would you feel about dropping her off at some trailhead 1500 miles from home and going on with your drive and picking her up on the return trip? I see this as a great way to get some hikes in across the country.”

“Sounds like a plan...”

“She don't hike.
I'd do it though if she was a confident hiker.”

“I would let her hike if she was a good smart hiker.”

“Sometimes it helps to get other's perspectives. My Hubby is overprotective (IMO) but he is slowly learning that he has to loosen his grip. I just wanted to know if my wanting to do something like that is asking way to much of a (normal) husband or not.”

“Ice Tea, are you married? I thought you said on another thread that you were 16 yo!

Anyway, I am not terribly experienced, but I am not stupid either. I would certainly plan my trip and stick to well marked trails for now.”

“I would have a great deal of reservation if she would be going solo, a lot less if she was with another person. One concern would be an emergency contact number. It might be hard to get a hold of me if I was staying at a hotel or driving in the middle of no where (not everywhere has cell phone coverage yet).

Plan to get dropped off with a friend and I bet your hubby will go along with it.”

“Women like to talk the talk. Not very many like to walk the walk. I think your hubby should say no so you can say, "Well I woulda if my hubby weren't such a puss."

I hope your hubby can be a man and take the critisism. I am sure you will get more enjoyment out of neutering him than you would solo hiking 1000 miles from home.”

“I'm not married, but it still sounds like a pretty good idea.”

“Ya, it would probably help, Baso4. The problem is finding someone to go with. I really don't know anyone yet personally would be interested in doing this kind of thing. I need some hiking buds!”

“LOL, bacpac! Just call me Lorena!
Really, I am over being mad at him. It has taken me some years, but I am getting my old stubborn, willful, independant self back. I have done a lot of things in my life on my own that I think alot of women wouldn't have. But there is still many more things I want to do. The hard part is when you are in love with someone who struggles with paranoia!”

“You aren't Kleety's wife are you? Portland to Chicago perhaps?”

“Tough call, Muktuk. My first reaction would be to tell her "not without me". Heck, I don't wanna miss a hike!

There are a lot of variables that would come into play. I know my wife is trail smart and can take care of herself. I'd worry about her on the trail solo. Is the trailhead in the middle of no-where? Would it be easy for you to get out and into town if he can't make the chosen meeting point at the agreed-upon time? How would he know if you've run into trouble? How would you know if he's run into trouble (he's on the road a lot, could happen)?

I do, however, like BaSO4's suggestion.

For me, I'd be reluctant, but with a well worked out plan, including strong contingency plans, I'd not fight it too much. I'd just worry about her the whole time.”

“BTW. I-80, in WY, passes just north of the Black Hills, SD; just north of Rocky Mountain NP, CO; just south of the Wind River Range, WY; and and just north of The Uintas, UT.

Your hubby could have dropped you off at any number of fabulous trailheads at an additional cost of less than 5% of total miles.

Besides, interstates aren't as significant in rural areas as they are in citys/burbs.”

“Number One Sign You Shouldn't Let Your Wife Out of the Car in the Middle of a Cross-Country Trip to Go Backpacking:

The trailhead is a cowboy bar in Lander, Wy.

Actually, the variables are so many, it would be hard to give a definitive answer. What were the hiking prospects in Portland? Seems like that might be the compromise both with paranoia and logistics.”

“I'm 16 and not married, but I was just giving my imput on if I was married and if my why was a good outdoorsgal.”

“Ice Tea is hetro? I thought he was a homo.

Not that there isn't anything wrong with that.”

“Errrrrrrr.... gojo, you are hopping between I-90(!) and I-80 there. It must be quite a trip! I-80=Nebraska, Cheyenne, Laramie, etc.”

“"Ain't no way in hell I'd *LET* my wife do that. You'd be a single woman on a trail thousands of miles from home you don't know!"

Hyperpacker”

“Give me a few years Muktuk, when Abby's a bit older, and I'll ditch him and go with you! :o)”

“I look at it like this - if the wife was doin the driving, I'm sure I'd have her drop me off for a hike.”

“That plan sounds selfish to me, but then again I think I remember you saying your hubby is not much for hiking without his gun. I would think about it if I was married and was able to make time to hit the trail but I would have to say not with out me and serious planning.”

“Have you ever done a solo? I would try one nearer to home with for sure pick up plan or your own vehicle before venturing 1500 miles from home and depending on a pick up.”

“How about this for a compromise.... You get dropped off at some town which rents cars and has lots of hiking trails nearby. Rent a car and do some day hikes or overnighters. I've done trips by myself, although not backpacking. However, I have not let it stop me from any dayhike I really wanted to do! And I have camped in some out-of-the-way places too. Maybe start with those day hikes before planning a solo backpack trip. :-)”

“Oooooh! I've been gone for several hours and I can't believe this thread is still at the top...

I like Le Subtil's answer!!! :)

Baume 66, I have hiked solo. In fact almost always: I would say 75% of the time, but it has always been in places where I knew I wouldn't get into trouble, or if I did it was never too far from a main road or otherwise populated area.

Briar Rabbit, why do you think it sounds selfish? Because he wouldn't get to go? Or because he would worry the whole time?

I am still trying to get this marriage thing all figured out. I mean, how do you become 100% in a marriage and not lose your identity when your interests are different?”

“Well, let me take that back in a couple ways. I did a really short overnight backpack and set up where I needed a backcountry permit in Wind Cave N'tl Park, S.D. And once an ex-boyfriend went to Cumberland Gap area for a conference. He let me take his truck and drive the 2 hours or so to Great Smoky Mts. N'tl Park and spend the day. I knew nothing of area, etc. Went to Clingman's Dome. Biked the Cade's Cove loop. Etc

Have done a lot of this type of stuff. Once rode Amtrak to Winter Park, Colo., and rented a mountain bike and that's how I got around there the whole time till the train trip back. Course I had been there before. And other trips where the "boys" got left behind at home.

Sounds great to me that you want to continue being independent. Just use some common sense and don't go too nuts. ;-)”

“Joy, I don't get it. Your "wife" is a guy named Abby?

lizs, that sounds doable. I was actually thinking about the possibility of going somewhere I could catch the Amtrak home as well.

Pekka, we actually stayed south of Portland in a town called Tualitin, I think. There were places I could have gone that were just a little too far for me to get to without a car. I ended up walking about 2.5-3 miles on a two lane road to where he was working. It was a very nice area, but turned out to be a major truck route (YUK!)”

“Didn't you lose or begin to share your indentity with someone else on the steps of the altar?

that is the word of the day COMPROMISE!”

“Lizs! You sound like me! I think you made one good point though...about not going too nuts. Hubby does keep me in balance to a degree. I think I do the same for him in other ways.”

“I'd have a real problem dropping my wife off to do a trail by herself that far from help (if she needed it). I think I'd even have a problem with it if she had someone to go with her (besides me), but I'd probably let her. We've been married 29 years, I think I'm co-dependent.”

“My husband would know better than to try to stop me.

Since we live at the northern end of the John Muir Trail, I've had him, on several occasions, drop me off north of Mt. Whitney, and I walked home..

175 miles....

He doesn't like to hike anyway.

He does this, and he gets to batch for two weeks, not bathe, or change his underwear.

How can he complain?”

“Briar Rabbit, I believe that 100%, but let's be realistic. When a person gets married that does not mean you cease to be a whole person with individual interests. Nor should one person be doing ALL the compromising. It goes both ways. In a marriage we have to figure out through trial and error how to compliment each other...to help the other become the best person that he or she can be. Not to stifle them.

trlhikr--I hope you mean "co-dependant" in a good way. LOL!

Mel--You seem to be very capable and I imagine you know the JMT like the back of your hand. It's good that it works out so well for the both of you! Ya know, maybe you could get him to BP with you if you told him he wouldn't have to change his undies!”

“OK. I never said anything about "stifle". I learned that lesson many years ago.

Did you offer him the chance to join you? In the future try to avoid the highways and purposely make time to go out of your way to see the scenery together. Camp and dayhike your areas of interest for a night or two. And Cahokia is well worth the visit.”

“Wow! Cahokia! BR did you go back and look at some old threads or do you actually remember who has said what and when?

I would really truly love to have him hike with me. And he has gone with me on a couple of day hikes...to his credit, because I really don't think he enjoys it unless there is a buck he is tracking.

I have gone with him a few times on hunts, but I really don't enjoy that either. I don't want to see an animal shot. It makes it real hard to eat something when I have seen it alive. I never could eat the chickens my parents made me gut and pluck when I was a kid. Especially since they all had names.”

“This last April I was in Washington, we were driving out to the coast west of Port Angeles for a hike on the Olympic Nat Beach. There was this girl (about mid 20s) waiting on the side of the highway with her pack on. Just as we passed her a bus was slowing down to pick her up. I thought now that takes some big ones. She was about twenty miles between any town.
I can't say I wouldn't let Mrs. Stalker do it. But I also know there no way in hell she would want to. It has to fall on the person and their experence and confidence and how much confidence hub has in her.”

“i agree with what bacpac and briar said.”

“If it were me and my ex, I would encourage her to go and I'd even pack her some honey and fish before I dropped her off in grizzly country. But then, I'm just a sensitive new age guy.”

“bacpac and Le Subtil have good points on this one.

I used to accompany a boyfriend on business trips and it never once occured to me to *ask* him how I should spend my time while he was doing his thing. I hiked and biked wherever I wanted to. Often we took my vehicle (I got reimbursed on his expense account) which meant I was not in the position of having to ask to borrow his truck.

I've never been married - and after reading stuff like this, i.e, "should my husband *let* me do this or that" - if that's what marriage is - replacing your parents who told you what to do for the first half of your life, with a husband who's gonna tell you what to do for the rest of your life, then I'm glad I never did it. Compromise is nothing but a big joke anyway, but having to ask permission to go hiking is not compromise to me.”

“You summed that up right, Twigeater. I'm not married either- I do the 'single Dad' thing, but I have always encouraged girlfriends to 'do their own thing', because I'm going to. Probably why I'm single :-)

I never actually thought of dropping my 'ex' off at a trailhead 1500 miles away. Hmm.. She probably would have found her way home, anyway”

“If the trail was far enough from home that I'd be sure she'd never find her way back? Sure I'd drop her off. only kidding”

“bacpac thought Tea was gay? Well that would explain this:

Ice Tea, Blow me.
-bacpac
6:34:47 PM
12/6/00”

“My husband is fine with me going out alone. He has tried hiking with me and I have tried golfing with him. We deceided that maybe we should do those two activites infrequently together.”

“twigeater, your comments reminded me of other stuff I did. Another ex-boyfriend (hey, twiggy, like you I seem to be a bit independent and have a few "exes" out there...LOL) would travel with his wrestling team to the tourney in Des Moines each year the end of Feb.

Now the weather could vary from blizzard to 60s-70s, for some weird reason. I started taking the bike along if the forecast was for nice weather. One year he drove about 20 miles south of Des Moines, just off I-35, cuz I wanted to bike the Great Western Bike Trail back. So he dropped me off, boom, somewhere I'd never been and me not really knowing the trail or anything. And I biked from the farmland back to the suburbia (no, the trail didn't go all the way to downtown Des Moines, but ended at a park about 3-4 miles from there).

No complaints here. And I made it back in time to go to the finals :-) (we had a GOOD team of high school wrestlers). Another year I drove down separately and then took bike to the Saylorville Reservoir and biked that nice trail

These are things I never woulda seen otherwise cuz 1) I never go to Des Moines! and 2) If I hadn't wanted to see it and made the effort, it wouldn't have happened.”

“Here's my take on this.

#1 Are you a strong enough person to ask him.
#2 If you are asking us first, I doubt that #1 was a Yes
#3 You know this man, you know what he's thinking.
#4 You know his answer.
#5 Are you using us for leverage against him?
#6 If you ask and he says no, are you willing to live with that answer?”

“That's an awesome post, Sirpete.”

“sirpete posted?”

“Not under his own name. What gives gremlin?”

“I was just reading a camera thread on another site where someone asked repair advice for his lens, and then someone ripped him, saying, well, why do you ask a bunch of morons on here about your expensive lens and how to repair it?

Then others responded, you'll do what you want, but isn't such a site a place to get ideas? Touche'! Maybe the over-analysis above is on the money -- or maybe way off the mark. Whatever, everyone's here to share ideas ...................... Errrrrrrrrrrr... most everyone, anyway. Some have other "issues"........LOL!”

“NO WAY! Too much to loose.”

“Muktuk, if you are comfortable with your skills there is no reason not to go. Offer to take a cell phone to make hubby more comfy.

Well put twigeater! Never in my adult life have I allowed anyone *let* me do something. Only once in the million years I've been married to TWB has he "asked" me not to do something and that was skydiving. And he really did ask.”