All alone...

“Words of warning: you're about to read an "I'm feeling sorry for myself" thread.

My munchkins left this morning to spend a year with their dad in B.C. He got into town last night to pack all their stuff up and then the whole family(grandparents too) went to breakfast this morning.

They've only been gone now for 1/2 hour and I already wish the year was over. 6 years ago, I had thought that deciding to parent my kids solo was the toughest decision I'd ever have to make. I'm amending that now... I never thought that asking the 'X' for help would be quite so tough. I guess in a way I feel almost as though I've 'handed them off' because they don't fit into my schedule.

I know that's not what it is... my job up North means I'm gone for 2 weeks out of every month and school this fall will require not only class every day, but an average of 40hrs/week studying on top of everything else. I guess I figured that it wasn't fair to the kids for me to be around but never available... know what I mean? It sure doesn't make it any easier though!
Well, thanks for letting me cry on your shoulders... I'm going to go get another box of Kleenex now... :-(”

“I'm sorry you feel so bad. Try and cheer up. I would think that the first few days will be tough. You have friends here and we'll try to keep you going. Let us know if there is anything we can do....”

“medic_girl,

Life is full of tough choices and big decisions. You've put your children's best interest first and you're continueing to better yourself. You are doing a very difficult and admirable thing. Hang in there!! You go, girl!”

“Just think of all that free time now!! Mo Hikin, Mo Hikin, MO HIKIN!!!!”

“Sorry you were faced with the choice. Hang in there.”

“Assuming that you have no worries about your ex's parenting abilities at this point, I would encourage you to think of this year as a chance to bring some balance to the kids' relationship building time. As a father whose daughter has not spent any long-term time (a week or two at a time on vacations is just not the same) with me since my divorce, I can tell you that I wish I had more extended experiences with her. My step-daughter just spent the last 18 months with her father and is back for the summer. I have encouraged her to spend longer times with her dad, knowing how I wish the same could be arranged with my own daughter. Yes, my wife missed her daughter very much, but overall it was good for my step-daughter to know what living with her dad and step-mom was like -- who they really are on a day-to-day basis, rather than on out of the ordinary vacation excursions.

With e-mail and other modern communication avenues, they won't be out of reach. Best wishes, medic girl, from one parent to another.”

“Ouch!!!
Pekka's right, as a divorced parent I know how much that it would hurt to be in your position. But Dad's are really important, and their time with him may really be a positive thing in the long run.”

“You made the right decision.

It's better to give them what they need, rather than what you need.

Kids need the time.

I was a latchkey kid when the term was unknown.

Kids need at least one parent who can spend time with them as they grow.

Separation will be tough for you, but you will all be better for it in the end.

Pursue your studies.
Get that degree.

Never feel guilty. They will be fine, and so will you.

Good luck.”

“You've made a tough decision, but hopefully it will be one that you will come to know as the right choice. Listen to everyone else that posted here. Use the time to get that degree and do a bunch more backpackin'.

Hang in there and know that we're here for you.”

“Ditto what Sunshine said. It takes alot of guts to put your children first, and not be selfish. I guess it shows what kind of person you really are, beyond the "e-persona".”

“Thanks for the words of encouragement everyone. Here I thought I'd finally cried myself out and you guys are makin' me start all over again!

Pekka & Ped, you guys are right, dads are an important part of a child's life. They do need to spend more time with him, aside from school & summer breaks. Mel, I was one too albeit a few years after you. Perhaps that's also part of what influenced my decision. For everyone else, your kind words and desire to help are greatly appreciated. You're all wonderful people too... :-)

Once again, thank you for the support... I'm going back to work a day early in the hopes that it'll help to take my mind off some of this. Kiss your kids tonight and tell them how much you love them, 'kay?”

“Now I don't recall anyone advising employment type WORK as a therapy...getting your own "work" done, or going backpacking, yes! Or a day with a good friend. But days without work, no matter how great the job, are too few in life as it is without giving them back. As with birthdays no one remembers, treat yourself to something special. At least make sure you can get that day off at some other time.”

“You worst day on the trail is better than your best day at work.
Hit the hills woman.”

“medic girl, raising kids usually is a two parent job. There's nothing wrong with letting your husband take over the responsibities while you try and better yourself.

Call the kids as much as your telephone bill with allow in the beginning. Let the children know that you will call every few days or once a week, whatever you can do or afford. It will give them something to look forward to. Write them letters, even if they are not of reading age, I don't know if they are, their dad can read them to the kids. Good luck.”

“P.S. - check into getting a cheap long distance carrier for your phone service, or check out those calling cards. That's what my sister in NY uses to call me in WA.”

“I like Walkindude's philosophy..”

“Hey guys, thanks for the support... I'm getting better at this whole alone thing... it was really strange coming home from work to an empty house last night though!

I think the hardest part of the next week will be packing up my house in preparation for the big move at the end of the month... what a totally strange and empty feeling it's leaving me with...”

“medic_girl, I missed this thread when you originally posted it. I see that TTers have reached out as they often do and offered some sound advice. It won't get easier for a while but I think you're making the right decision for everyone involved. Best of luck!”

“medic girl, that was a tough decision to make but I'm sure the right one for you. When I got divorced I had to deal with only two weeks away from them at a time. It was hard at first but you will get used to it in time. Look at the positives and the opportunities this will give you. Just remember that it's only "temporary." What you're doing is very commendable. Those are great things that you are trying to achieve.

It'll be good for the kids to bond with their father more too. How old are your children and how are they feeling about this? Good luck to you! And remember look at this as a positive thing and it will be! :)”

“It doesn`t take long to change everything in your life you`ve ever known
one minute you have more to do than you ever can and the next you`re alone
the kids singing and their laughter fill a house so
and nothing can ever mean as much after they go
oh, I even got to missing the days they`d push and shove
it`s just like they`re leaving also took all of the love
now there`s no one to mess things up, or at least no one to blame
they may come back from time to time, but it`ll never be the same”

“Medic Girl- They're not that far away, and before you know it, they'll be home again. Make good use of the time and it will be worthwhile.

I had enough trouble sending my daughter off, to camp with friends, for two weeks. Next thing you know, it will be University, God knows where. Time goes so fast.”

“Ditto Mel and LH. Parenting works best if it's a two person job, and good on you for putting your kids' needs before your own.

It's hard, but they still love you.
So do we, for what it's worth.”

“Hikerchic5, I have 3 little people who brighten my day everytime I talk to them. My daughters are 9 and 7 1/2 and my son is 5. They're amazing little people who astonish me with their insight into life on a daily basis. I don't remember ever being as young and in tune with life as they are...
BF, BC, Kleety and everyone else, thanks guys. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels as though a part of their soul goes out of service when their munchkins go away for a while. I suppose the upside to all of this is that I'm getting the 'empty nest' thing out of the way early...
Tommy... thanks love. :o)
You guys are my 'cyber family'(for lack of a better term) and the words of encouragement everyone's shared are all taken in and kept close to my heart... I just want you all to know that.
Thanks again... :-)

MG”

“where is everybody???!!!...someone talk to me, aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

“I'm here what would you like to talk about...”

“no sniveling !!!

so what if you are all alone - so am I”

“its like hiding from teh boss at Buffalo Wild Wings, but then mountainrocker falls out of the ceiling”

“say whut!!”

“Here's a falling out of the ceiling story for yas.

I lived in an old cotton warehouse with two roomies. One of the roomies said he had rats, he could hear them in the ceiling moving around and put out some rat poison. A week later he declared the rats were dead. A week later his room really stank. One evening, around that time, I awoke to a cry of unadulterated fear eminating from his room. I ran to his room, threw open the door and in the light, I could see he was sitting upright in bed and in his lap, was a rotten rat that had rotted through the synthetic ceiling and fallen onto his bed while he was falling off to sleep. It was swarming with maggots.

YEAH!!!”

“Ted Nugent Alone Lyrics
Songwriters: N/A



Did you know
Could you see
Don't you feel

You should have told me
I was there
When you needed

But you lied
Now you're gone
And I'm alone

I get scared
Feel the pain
My hearts bleeding

Ch:
I can't believe all the loneliness
I was lost when you left our home
It was strange to exist with the loneliness
I'm not used to being alone

They were sure
I was strong
I could take it

They don't see
All the nights
That I cry

Ch:
I can't believe all the loneliness
I was lost when you left our home
It was strange to exist with the loneliness
I'm not used to being alone

Maybe now
I can find
A new baby

Maybe now
I can start
Over again

No more tears
No more pain
And no lying

Its so hard
Its ok
Now I'm trying

Ch:
I can't believe all the loneliness
I was lost when you left our home
It was strange to exist with the loneliness
I'm not used to being alone

Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone
Not used to being alone”

“what a wonderful story rosie thanks for that”

“I was by no means insinuating you were a rat, BTW.”

“lol.”

“or that you are maggoty”

“can't say that I'm not”