Has this ever happened to you?

“A few years back, I was illegally incarcerated by the Klinton tax Gestapo. They put me in a large holding cell with lotsa very large 14th Amendment citizens. At first I thought I'd be OK. My fellow political prisoners acted like they liked me. Shucks, one even said that he thought I had a purdy mouth.

I soon found out I was really wrong. They was all guvmint agents! As soon as the lights was dimmed for the night, they jumped me. Before long, they had yanked down my pants and proceeded to place a large object deep inside me.

Now, I'm just a simple militia soldier, but it don't take a rocket scientist to know that they was trying to implant some kind of trackin? device in me. I guess they was inexperienced in implantin? them devices, because each of 'em tried to repeat the whole dang process after another had finished.

This went on all that night and the next two nights I was held in that cell. Boy, them fellers musta been stupid! After I got released, I had myself x-rayed to find the device, but they couldn?t find nuthin?. I guess they never did get it implanted correctly. Thank God the guvmint is so inefficient!”

“You're lucky then didn't kill you. Sometimes those powerful government types will kill you just for having an affair with them.”

“Tarpy,.....welcome back....lol

And talking to yourself too....lol”

“That wasn't the end of it though. I guess they did something to me that messed up my "little soldier". Since those three long, sweaty, harrowing nights, I ain?t been able to fulfill my duties as a husband. This has caused me a lot of grief. I'm sure get depressed because of it.

About the only thing that makes me feel better at all is to go out shopping for new weaponry. Since I've had this problem with my little soldier, I've bought a .44 magnum Ruger Super Blackhawk revolver with a 14 inch barrel. It's a huge and powerful weapon, and that barrel is the longest barrel I've ever seen. It's absolutely humongous. I thought about buying a .44 automag instead, but the barrels on those things are puny in comparison. I wanted a powerful pistol with a huge barrel.

I also bought a 10-gauge magnum semi-automatic Ithaca shotgun. Gosh, that thing is powerful. It's absolutely huge, and it can spit it's whole load in seconds if you pull the trigger fast enough. It's incredible. Everyday, I shoot that baby until my shoulder is a pulsating mass of quivering tissue.

Buying weapons is about the only joy I have any more now that the little soldier has went AWOL. Well, I guess it's not completely true that it never works, because he does come to attention sometimes, but only during the oddest moments like when I'm watching one of my videos from my vast collection of gladiator movies.

I don't know how them feds did it, but let my story serve as a warning to y'all.”

“Man.........That's fuct up.”

“I saw you militia boys up in Iowa on several occasions...... ted Nuegent Rocks man!”

“It's a Free for All!”