Too funny!

“This is one of the funniest things I've ever heard!

Go to Bob and Tom Show, select "Da Vinci's Notebook" and take a listen to "My Enormous Peni$"

There is a QuickTime streaming video (DSL, cable or faster connection recommended) or an audio file.”

“I wrote a similar song. It's called 'The MicroPhallus Blues'.”

“Bob and Tom funny?!?

Not in this lifetime!!!”

“I know what I'm singin' in the shower this morning!”

“It was a guest apperance by an acapella group on the show. Bob & Tom had little to do with the funniness of this song.”

“How to keep a healthy level of insanity...Do three of these per day.

"Insanity is a tool, use it well." - Robert Clark

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3) Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.

6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13) Dont use any punctuation

14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17) Sing along at the opera.

18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend the potluck party because you're not in the mood.

23) Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

24) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

25) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!""3rd time this week!!!"

26) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

27) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."

28) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

29) Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

30) UsE RAnDoM cAPiTaliZaTiON iN EvEryTHiNg YOu wrITe

31) Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

32) Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

33) "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.

34) Slap the boss's face every time he interrupts your afternoon nap.

35) Pee up your office door, your desk or your cubicle and growl at anyone that comes near.

36) Follow delivery men around in pure James Bond style, but make it very obvious.

37) Persistantly call your bosses 'sweetcheeks' and wink at them in front of everyone.

38) Whenever you answer the phone, do so in a french accent, and slowly change it to a japanese accent.

39) Belch loudly over the intercom, then ask if anyone wants to hear a fart.

40) When the boss starts talking to you, open and drink a bottle of ketchup.

41) Put those hole reinforcing circles on the center of you eyeglasses. Now go to that executive meeting.

42) Turn your monitor facing the wall, if anyone asks what you're doing, say that this is the most interesting side of the monitor

43) Have races in the corridors with chairs that don't have wheels on them

NEW! Added 27th April 2002. With thanks to John

44) Hold open automatic doors for people.

45) Threaten to jump out of a ground floor window.

46) Bring empty crisps and buscuit packets and sandwich bag to work in your packed lunch box and pretend to eat it. Make sure the wrappers are different each day, you need variety in life.

47) Replace the mouse with a real mouse.

48) Delibrately get colleagues names wrong.

49) Ask at a newsagent if they will read the paper to you or at least give you the general jist of it.

50) Eat stink bombs before french kissing.

51) Drive to work and walk back.

52) Ask to borrow a pencil, snap it infront of their face, then point at the car park and ask which one is theirs.

53) Wear socks on the outside of your shoes.

54) End all sentences with ".co.uk".

55) Play bagpipes in meetings.

56) Go to an interview, act like your the interviewer.

57) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

58) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".

59) While riding an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

60) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

61) Poke holes in the bottoms of all the styraphome coffee cups in the break room.”

“I don't see anything wrong with any of those.
8D”

“61) Poke holes in the bottoms of all the styraphome coffee cups in the break room.”


No, No, NO, poke small holes in three sides at the bottom of the styrafoam cups so the coffee 'pees' out in 3 different directions when filled.”

“some of them I actually done before. let's not go there though...”

“62) Eat 10 bean and cheese burritos 1 hour before a big meeting.”

“Hysterical!!”

“My sister-in-law asked my brother to go Christmas shopping with her. This is what he sent her in response:


http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mid=17033248

You can get the monkey to say whatever you want.
last edited: 12/12/06 4:56:53 PM”

“cute!”

“bol!”

“Hint...Check out the Lyra thread.”

“LMAO!”

“http://www.atypyk.com/pez/pez1.html


What to do with Pez dispensers.”

“too many questions...

Why is Pluto wearing a blindfold?
Who got tarred & feathered?
Why does Donald have a nail through his head?
Who is in the body bag?

”

“Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the
Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in
now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to
Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So
what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle,
soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks,
"Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can
keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to
be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St.
Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble
locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's
somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the
second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asked the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota”

“Cute story.

On the list of 61 odd things to do, I didn't do any of them, but when I was a young lad (about 20) when ever anyone handed me a business card I would say, "thanks I don't mind if I do" take it and then eat it as if was some incredible delicacy. It only happened a few times, but I enjoyed freaking people out.
last edited: 12/04/07 11:25:15 AM”

“ha ha ha!”

“A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas tamps The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Well, then,give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."”

“Pretty good.... not bad.... Can't complain...........       < G >”