Missing: Newgirl

“Have you seen Newgirl?
”

“No.”

“maybe she'll come back as "newdgirl"”

“Let's hope so rad.”

“Yo yo yo, sup? ya?ll?

Don?t be givin? no never mind ?bout newgirl, she has her mouth, err, hands full right now.

Later”

“Soma con fadlok tolb neblin!”

“listen, here, mr cowboy.

that sounds like tarp rat's mouth that you're filling, there!”

“Now THAT would be a picture for the milk carton!”

“now there is da reason fer her a lickin, I mean liking, me better. Ya'll got some weird homo stuff goin' on.

Me and the girl is goin' back-packing rights now if ya' know what's I mean.... ye-haw! My bord is getting hammered as we speak....

Oh, and I ain't seen no buddha bear, but I bet it would make a nice summer sausage, hey 'girl, fetch my oht-six.... it's time fer some fun...”

“umm, that's not newgirl.

it's tarpy with a bad wig.”

“Keep my bear sausage out of this. Are you one of those cowboys that lets your horse ride YOU?”

“he's the cowboy from the 'village people'.”

“As an aleck, I'll write a cashier's check, the crew neck is favored by Steinbeck, spot-check the redneck, paycheck for the shipwreck, install the tape deck before bed check, a new tape deck is the botleneck, Staying the night in Aquidneck, getting a body check from the spellcheck as I look up copeck”

“The Bone Ranger”

“...rides the bologna pony.”

“....through a river of lime green jello.”

“Looky here now, this is just whats I be meaning, ya'll got a nasty streak in you.

It's hard enough being a afro-american doggie punchin' 2x4 cowdaddy in rural MT, lets along being accused of bein' a homo...

Let me git this settled one time ands for all,


[pulling 'her' hair real hard, it comes off in a handfull of blonde surprise]

Oh my gawd, whats have we here, it's a drenched and lip sticked tarprat!!!! [shreiks of terror fill the back office of the Lone Mountain lumberyard, as LC produces the biggest hogleg --that's six-shooter for you city folk-- ever seen in there here parts]

Nobody feels my hip bones and gets away with that!

BANG!

BANG!

Damn, both rounds miss, as the slimmy little basdard crawls under the CDX pile next to the dumpster[giggles are heard coming from the ooze].

Okay now, we have got myselves a mistery, I knowed I seen newgirl around these parts last week....”

“Is Lumberyard Cowboy Gary Condit, is Newgirl Chandra Levy in some twisted, Tarpy induced metaphorical plot. Tune in next post as the Lumbaryard Cowboy Saga continues........”

“In our next episode, hear Lumbaryard Cowboy say this to Tarp Rat.”

“Like I be sayin?, don?t pay no never mind to the Good Representative Condit of Californicate, or any more else. I spoked to a friend just now whom happen to been stopping by the yard here to looks at some pine boards for a box a friend of his be building, he wants ta talks to youse now.

?Hello, my name is Abbe Lowell, I am here to absolutely refute any notion that may come to fruition in your minds regarding the persona of the individual behind the Lumberyard Cowboy moniker and that of the good representative from California, Gary Condit. While you people spend, actually waist, you time pursuing a dead end of obtuse intension and supposition, the real killer of Ms. Levy, that is if she is dead, I would have NO idea one way or another, is still stalking the good streets of this community, perhaps just moments away from committing another atrocious act of violence against another unwitting, and might I add innocent, woman. And, in doing so totally exonerating my client here, I mean Representative Condit, from any of the before mentioned erroneous accusations of malfeasance or dereliction of sworn duty.

I am simply here to buy lumber, a perfectly normal activity that is committed hundreds of times each day throughout this free world, and this great nation of ours. The person ?Lumberjack Cowboy? is simple a hard working, upstanding and extremely light skinned Afro-American who is gainfully employed, and let me add his views and statements may not necessarily reflecting his employers thoughts, opinions, or views, who is totally devoid of any knowledge or personal relationship regarding Chandra Levy, Gary Condit, or Guido Anderetti.

Good day.?

[now then Gary, where?s my $750 in CASH like we discussed, this really is a pain in the butt]

So thens, you can plainly see that I have no ideas where anybody is. But if any of youse know Tarpy?s home number I?d be much abliged, my 2x4 is now a looking like a 22 penny finish nail and I?m ina bad ways if ya knows what I mean!”

“Well if newgirl is tarpie in drag I'm a monkey's uncle, she sounded kinda real to me.

And said she was sending some pics to skiracer for him to scan and send to Phil, hey ski where's those pics I hope they're not monkey shots.”

“I found New Girl!!!

Look Here”

“Cool.”

“I'm still waiting for those pics from newgirl.”

“It may be awhile....”

“Newgirl is currently training to be my new intern, thank you. She IS NOT missing right now, and if she keeps her mouth shut and does what I tell her to do, it'll stay that way.

Please vote Condit for Congressman in 02'!”

“why is gary coleman supporting some congressman?”

“Yo, yo, yo, here?s a little tune from the range for y?all.
Sanged to the tune of Ghost Riders in the Sky
An old cowpoke unwigged a rat one dark and windy day,
To all who posted and who wrote he swore wasn?t gay,
When all at once a mighty head with bright red lips he saw,
A-plowin' through the rumpled sheets and up his moistened craw.

Yippee-yi-ya, yippee-yi-yo, Tarpy?s riiiii-ding my thigh.

Tarpy?s loins were still on fire and his butt was made of steel,
His unit was black and shiny and his hot breath you could feel,
A bolt of fear shot through him as he looked up in the sky,
for he saw Tarpy comin' hard and he heard the rats mournful cry.

Yippee-yi-ya, yippee-yi-yo, Tarpy?s riiiii-ding my thigh.”

“[the rest]

Their faces were gaunt, their eyes were blurred, their shirts all soaked with sweat,
They're riding hard to catch that spirt, but they ain't caught one yet,
For they've got to ride forever on that range up to my thigh,
But when that hair came off, everyone heard his aweful cry cry.

Yippee-yi-ya, yippee-yi-yo, Tarpy?s riiiii-ding my thigh.

The cowpoke shot one past him and he heard one call his name,
If you want to save your soul from hell a-riding on a wrangler,
Then cowboy change your ways today, or with us you will ride,
A-trying to catch the devil's Tarp across these endless thighs.

Yippee-yi-ya, yippee-yi-yo, Tarpy?s riiiii-ding my thigh.”

“Oh, ya, I did not have sexual relations with that rat.

Really!”

“
Whatcha' talkin' bout' Willis?”

“New Girl's disappearance may possibly be attributed to the fact that her boss had a slightly different concept of how much internet use was allowable on company time.

It has happened before. We are looking at purchasing some web analysis software and some of it is pretty impressive. They have charts and graphs of usage by user, by time, by length of time, by site, by downloads, by type of site, (porno, education, research, etc.) During testing we found out who likes the teen porn, LOL.

It is pretty cheap too, just a couple hundred bucks.”

“say now, that wouldn't be like no reversable background checking thingymajiggy type of stuffs would it?

I'm not the only one who uses thissy here computer, so I don'y know nuttin 'bout no http://manmeat.com no how....”

“I won't be holding my breath for them. Jeez...duped.....and I was just trying to do someone a favor.”

“So who is newgirl? We'll probably never know.”

“
NewGirl?”

“None of these pictures are me.”

“???????”

“Somebody should emnail her and tell her to come back!”

“I did. No response.”

“E-NAIL her? LOL”

“emnail= Freudian slip? I thought we sighted her up in the Beartooths last week, but the footprints weren't human”

“Aero LOL!! who R U? R ya one of the silent majority?”

“I lurked around here for a few weeks before I joined and caught the whole "newgirl" debacle. I swore I wouldn't get sucked in, just submit some gear posts-- but here I am. Just Great; 2 people from Montana on this board and one is (or was) newgirl.”

“Naerogirl?”

“Hey that's right! You never see posts from us at the same time! Naaaw, sorry. She does, however, remind me of an ex- girlfriend in college about 23 years ago up in Missoula. You don't suppose......... :>O”

“"Here ya go, Masked Man. You can have anything off the top shelf."

"I want Tonto!"

"Why do you want Tonto, Masked Man?"

"To perform an Unnatural Act!"

"Bleh! Bleh! The Masked Man is a fag!"

"You want anything else?"

"Yes, I want that horse."

"You mean Silver?"

"Yes, I want Silver!"

"Why do you want Silver, Masked Man?"

"It's part of the act!"

"Bleh! Bleh! The Masked Man is a fag! He's a fag Masked Man! He's a Masked Fag Man! Bleh! Bleh!"

- Lenny Bruce


Yep! Some days you ride the horse; some days the horse rides you, I guess.


e-nail?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...”

“Lynda Carter, Thou Lassoeth My Soul

When I hear that music, so cheesy and fine,
I know that your Wonder is not far away,
For it's open season on evil and crime
Now that Lynda's in town and saving the day.
Your wristbands deflect, yet your goodness absorbs,
Your punches inspire, along with your kicks;
If I was in charge of that magazine Forbes,
I'd be hard pressed to find a soul quite as rich.
O, lasso me Lynda, and I'll tell no lies,
You move me to tears when you fight for peace;
Aboard your invisible jet do I fly
When you do the work of twenty police.
And damn those commercials that come in between!
How dare they commit such awful attacks!
I mourn their pathetic attempts to be seen...
Unless it's fair Lynda and 1-800-CONTACTS.”

“That Ruled Dr Laura!

Wonder Woman kicks A$$!!
I'd do Lynda Carter in a second!!”

“I heard from noogie!!!

She sent me an email today saying she's been out of town in WA and she and her daughter are fine. I invited her to look at Gojo's and some other threads so maybe we'll see a "Found: Newgirl" post soon.”