Fish and women

“From ABC News. No comment.

Sweden's National Board of Fisheries watched trout in an aquarium and found
that females faked orgasms in 69 out of 117 couplings, according to

Britain's New Scientist magazine.
How did these fish learn the dubious art of sexual deception? Did they catch
Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally?

It actually takes more than a little conspicuous moaning. Researchers say
the female trouts trick their partners into premature ejaculation, most
likely to give them some choice over who will father their children.

As a couple begins to spawn, both fish quiver violently with their mouths
open. Egg and sperm are released simultaneously. (You could call it the
caviar of sex.)

But researchers noted that female fish often quiver without releasing their
eggs. Of course, those dumb male fish fall for it every time ? hook, line
and sinker.

It apparently pays for fish to fake it. Researchers note that the more false
orgasms a female had, the more other males were attracted to her. With a
bigger pool of eligible bachelors, she'll have a better chance of hooking up
with a fertile guy when she finally does have the Big O.

And who do the lady fish ultimately choose? It often turns out to be the
male fish with bigger fins and jaws. Forgive me for being a short man for a
second, but isn't that always the case?

Thousands of fishermen flocking to the 27th Annual Brown Trout Festival in
Alperna, Mich., this weekend were hardly surprised by the news.

"These are wily fish," said festival director Ken Kolasa. "To hook one, you
need lots of skill and patience."”

“Very interesting Steiny..another theory could be that the female fish is waiting to see how much "finplay" she'll get before delivering the goods...”

“For a moment there I thought this tread was going to compare the smell of fish with women. heh heh”

“I suspected that all along. Now I have proof!”

“my trouser trout hasn't faked any orgasms, that I KNOW OF!!!!!

BIZARRE!!!”

“THE BAIT.
by John Donne


COME live with me, and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,
With silken lines and silver hooks.

There will the river whisp'ring run
Warm'd by thy eyes, more than the sun ;
And there th' enamour'd fish will stay,
Begging themselves they may betray.

When thou wilt swim in that live bath,
Each fish, which every channel hath,
Will amorously to thee swim,
Gladder to catch thee, than thou him.

If thou, to be so seen, be'st loth,
By sun or moon, thou dark'nest both,
And if myself have leave to see,
I need not their light, having thee.

Let others freeze with angling reeds,
And cut their legs with shells and weeds,
Or treacherously poor fish beset,
With strangling snare, or windowy net.

Let coarse bold hands from slimy nest
The bedded fish in banks out-wrest ;
Or curious traitors, sleeve-silk flies,
Bewitch poor fishes' wand'ring eyes.

For thee, thou need'st no such deceit,
For thou thyself art thine own bait :
That fish, that is not catch'd thereby,
Alas ! is wiser far than I.”

“Stanlee, its sounds like you need to find a woman of higher quality.”

“Funny Stuff.”

“I have faked.”

“Did the trout notice?”

“Guess this isn't the thread to discuss my new flyfishing rod setup??? :-0”

“bacpac, I truly want to know, how you (being a man) have "faked" an orgasm. I really, sincerely would love to read your answer. I wasn't aware (maybe I am naive) that a human male was capable of this.”

“And I really want to know if it fooled the trout.”

“newgirl, do you ask to inspect the condom when you are finished?

violin, The trout never suspected a thing,”

“who said that she USES a condom?”

“Come on Rad, that was nasty. The only time I didn't use a condom was after 2 1/2 yrs. w/ the same man. Would you be using a condom after 2 1/2 yrs. w/ the same woman (a woman you thought you would marry)? Be honest. I trusted him, I trusted the pill, and then . . . comes baby. Bacpac, of course I don't ask to inspect it. It is usually kinda' obvious though. Why would you need to fake it?”

“It was enough aready and I just wanted to get some sleep.”

“Halleujah (did I spell that right)! Bacpac, you may actually know the plight of us women.”

“My DH jsut bought me a 55 gallon aquarium!!! He bought it used for $75 which is a very good deal since it ahs the lights, a really good, normally very expensive double bio-filter, a air pump, the heater and a very nice oak wood stand. He's already filled it with gravel and water and we are going to let it filter a week or so then we'll add lots of plants and let it get established before starting to add fish. I know my big pleco who is quickly outgrowing his 10 gallon will go in there. I want a comunity tank so any idea what kind of fish I can get for a planted comunity tank that size?”

“I have flying hatchets, geromies, a ghost cat fish and I got some of these upside down cat fish that spend their life swimming upside down. I LOVE silver dollar fish.

Ghost Catfish



Silver Dollars



upside down cat fish



If you do nothing else, get a quarantine pen. There is nothing worse than buy ing some new fish and putting them in you r tank and then watching your fish that you have had for years slowly die one by one. I always like some algey eaters in the tank but don't get the Pacaustimus(SP?) that grows to be huge. You end up having to get rid of them (if you can) because they outgrow your tank. Buy little eaters.”

“Plecos get huge too, if put in a pond where the water temperature stays above 45 degrees. Below that they die. One of the other koi club members has a pleco thats only a few years old but already over a foot long. It looks like frying pan in her pond.”

“I have a pleco....we had an algea eatter fish but it was very agressive and was always attacking other fish sucking off thier scales. So we had to get ride of it. Thats when we got the pleco last december....Its now about 6" long. I really like him.”

“My daughter went off to college and left me the grandfish to take care of. The green scum is taking over the place. The algea eatter fish keep dying. Probably from overeating.”

“how the heck do you kill an algea eatter fish? I keep trying...to no avail LOL!”

“Well, just send him to me and I will kill him for you in my daughters tank! She's just going to have to take the grandfish to college with her because I have no idea how to take care of them. But they are rather cute and they get all excited when I feed them.”

“I have fish simply disappear. One day they are there. The next they are gone. I don't know if they die and get sucked into oblivion through the filter or the other fish just eat the shlt out of them.”

“i had an albino frog and twignut bought me 6 very pretty fish. well one day there were only 5, then 4 then 3 then none. but I had a very happu fat frog :)”

“I didnt know they ate fish.”

“nor did I. he ate everything in the tank. he died at a rip old age of 8”

“Bottom feeders have a very specific job. Eat shlt off the bottom. One job. One purpose.”

“hey its like the dung beettle. they rock


they roll the poop with there back legs and do it in a stright line. nig can you even walk in a stright line?”

“I was jsut thinking the other day as I was scooping dog crap out of the back yard how handy dung beetles would be.”

“Given a choice, go for the fish.”

“tuna?”

“Do any of you test the water? I've learned thats critical with koi. They are so primitive they don't even have stomachs, just a wide spot in the intestine. They poop a lot, and give off large amounts of ammonia via the gills. I test my quarantine bins and the pond (since it's new and the biofilter bacteria haven't matured yet) every day. Dipstick tests are inaccurate as all hell; get the kind that tests the water with chemical drops.”

“Well my tank has developed a leak so I have to drain the thing out and try to pawn my fish off on someone. I'm done with it.”

“All you need is aluminum foil, some lime juice, a stick of butter, and a hot grill.”

“and garlic”

“There just little guys. I'm down to only three fish now. I had the fishies in a big bowl on the counter and that fat white kitty of mine got one out somehow and ett 'em.”

“Recaulking an aquarium is easy if you have a place to hold the fish for a day or two. Home Despot has aquarium sealer for pretty cheap too. All you need to so is hit all the corner seams, just like seamsealing a tent really.”

“I'm thinking of taking the tank and doing a terarium with some frogs and lizards maybe.”

“Yeah, but you know what they eat? Baby crickets (among other things)...and then you have to keep them alive too. I've been through this. But its fun to watch them catch the little buggers.”

“I have a huge bucket of crickets...easy to keep alive. Just give em water and cornmeal or anything else for that matter. I use them to feed my 30+ tarrantulas, scorpions, and lizzards.”

“Ooo, I need to do that, same as I do for worms, for FISHIN!”

“Funny you should say that bit because I thought about just patching the tank and raising chubs and minnows for fishing.”

“Tanks with corners don't work for that kind of thing because they apparently bunch up in the corners and die. You need something with round ends. Also, IIRC, unless you're talking about raising fish that only grow to minnow size, most minnow baitfish are the spawn of fish that grow much larger, like shad.”

“Oh that's right, you told me that awhile ago. Not that I don't listen to ya though...”

“Sure, sure...”