Why is my wife mad at me?

“BaSO4, what does your name mean?”

“If I don't quit reading this crap and go to work I'm going to have to fire myself.

I have always figured if we have a woman for president she should be past her menses.

The good things about menopause--more mellow--no fuss about babies. The bad things--the highs and lows are not as high or as low. I kinda miss that.”

“My former boss claimed his wife had CMS; Constant Menstural Syndrome.”

“The apocalypse comes and everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God appears and says, "First, I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Now I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there were two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got very angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."”

“Makes me so glad I'm terminally single. By the way Biz, BaSO4 is the chemical formula for barium sulfate. As in the enema. Is there any significance to that reference BaSO4?”

“Why is my wife mad at me??? Its simple. You haven't been giving her any dick to suck.”

“Ice Tea is a pudd pulling idiot with a foul mouth. Read your handbook boy!”

“Now I'm convinced Mr.tea got some this summer!”

“Maybe there`s something wrong with us men and we just can`t hear
but, I always seemed to come up with the right answer, er, yes dear
to hear her go off on it you`d think I didn`t try
and all I had to do to get it started was to ask why
it got to where I could see it coming on and I`d balk
and women have the nerve to ask, why don`t men ever talk
there never was a way to win and it didn`t take me long to see
maybe I should have tried to again, before she walked out on me
things can get better with time and all that hurt will pass
we`re on kissing terms again, she told me I could kiss her ass”

“The big, plump, object of my affection....”

“LOL,...Dunadan!”

“BTW, Foot, I really enjoyed the poem. Punch line was poignant.”

“Hey Thanks Dunadan!”

“Ya, BaSO4, out with it

(?)”

“Not black or white, but in shades of gray
not one way or the other, but it`s okay
I could see both sides of things, why couldn`t she
not happy with herself, she decided to change me
and it reflected back on her when it didn`t work out right
we got caught up in shades of gray, no longer black or white
our lives together just started falling apart on us like it was some kind of twisted joke
the marriage papers, the divorce papers, a match, the ashes and a wisp of gray smoke”

“Big Fool, I think you are better off without her”

“Everyone gets a turn in the barrel.”

“Big Fool?LOL

Well,...you got that part right!
Now if I could just fall outta love!”

“Tilt,...yup!”

“It can be hard to stop loving someone, and I'm not sure you should. I would not want to be married to my first wife, but I still love her.”

“I know I will always love her, but I hope I can forget how much!”

“You'd better see that she treats that beer with some monostat.”

“Turkish woman locks her nude husband in the bathroom for three years

Pretty lousy attribution, but WTF.”

“his mother didn't miss him for THREE YEARS???”

“Jesus, Bit. Don't give them any ideas.”

“They obviously didn't have any kids, either. Because you can't spend 5 minutes in the bathroom without one of the kids bangin' on the door, asking can they come in.”

“I probably shouldn't give my wife any ideas tonight. She already banished me downstairs just because I told the kids if they couldn't agree on what to eat they didn't get anything.

She was real nice about it though.”

“So now you're forced to sit quietly in a room by yourself and play on the internet? I need to try that one.”

“He should have used his "I Feel" statements:

"Honey, when you lock me nude in the bathroom for three years and spend my fortune cavorting with other men it makes me feel _____."”

“Please don't throw me in that briar patch --”

“Please don't throw me in that briar patch --”

“(much less TWICE...)”

“And he couldn't break the door down while she was busy cavorting with other men?”

“'Cavorting', eh? That's a verb ya don't hear much anymore... <G>”

“Hey that's what the article said!”

“Maybe they were leaning against the door.”

“You are one sick sick man Coop!”

“cavorting is an exceelent verb. as is canoodling.”

“Sorry - it was there for the taking. Now let's all let this thread drift down and off the page...”

“My mom did that.


Only it was my bicycle she ran over twice.”

“Why is my wife mad at me?

cause you spend to much time on that damn computer talking to those damn hikers on the damn internet instead of spending quality time with your family, and while we're at it could it hurt you to put down that damn bottle and take out the damn trash and run to the gas station for some cigs and........”

“She smokes, too!”

“He was so upset he ran over her a second time.

No way! He was not upset. He heard her screaming and figured he did not do the job the first time.

Put the car back into drive and drove a little slower this time so he could really hear the bones breaking!
last edited: 8/10/05 5:03:04 PM”

“The origanal papsmear thread. LOL!”

“HEHEHE ya noticed eh? Sharp guy :D”

“Reminds me of the joke about a man speeding down the interstate.
A State Trooper, pulled the man over, walked to the car and said.
"I'm at the end of my shift, if you can give me a good reason for not writing you a ticket, I'll just give you a warning"

The guy sat there for a minute and said..

"I was recently having an affair with a woman who was married to a State Trooper. After seeing her for a few weeks, I broke it off because she was the biggest b**ch, I'd ever met. I thought maybe you were her husband, and you were chasing me down to give her back".”

“Im mad at CMB today >:(


I might be still mad at him tomorrow....

so ya'll give him a hard time for me, K? :)”

“not until you tell us why, so we know if it's justified or not”

“oh, it is VERY justified. He's off my christmas card list right now.

He can enjoy the couch for a while.”